W called to ask if i can get the kids tomorrow afternoon when she has a hair appt and "oh yeah can we meet to sign the D papers?"
It was like she had a list of errands and this was one of them and she'd like to check it off as soon as possible.
The pain came crashing back like a ton of bricks. I haven't cried in my office in a long time, but that streak ended today.
I also told her I can't be her friend anymore. I have been playing the friend role for too long and I think it gives me a false sense of hope nad prolongs the pain.
my friends, when will the pain go away for good? When will life feel full again?
oh my gosh jackw, for some reason your last post just came in after I posted my last response. I am so sorry. please ignore my last post as it was not in response to your last post. Look after yourself, take deep breaths...you are strong and will be OK.
Signed the papers this morning. 16 1/2 months after the bomb, 16 months of dbing, 16 months of being a great friend, 16 months of being a better person than i ever thought I could be, 16 months of her telling me how proud she was of me and what a great great dad I was...
I guess there is a lot to be proud of here. Being a great dad (which I think I have always been, but now more patient)and going thru these 16 months with little anger and no biiter fights or hating each other is a lot. But did I get what i wanted? Well that would be a big fat NO.
90 days and it is official. The State of MA considers us divorced. So the papers will say it and be filed, but I'll be left missing my best friend, my lover and the only person I ever loved...
Jack, I am so sad that things didn't go the way you wanted them to. I really am. I know its cold comfort, but I'm glad you also see the positives....you have a lot to be proud of. you can look in the mirror and know you did absolutely everything to make things different. stay strong. wish anything I say could make a difference.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Now we just wait for time to tick away. 120 days and I'll be legally divorced.
A lot of the pain has passed, but today I feel empty inside. I feel a pit in my stomach and something missing in my heart. I may be a different person and hopefully a better person, but I’ll never be “me” again.
When will my life start again? When will I stop feeling like a spectator watching the parade of life pass on by…
