St Jude at work

[Bislandgal]

Hi Rainbolove
My last thread locked and thought my new thread should reflect the extra 'help' I think I received tonight as well as that from Rainbowlove whose advice was crucial to this evening's outcome.

Thank you for jumping in at just the right moment with your wise advice. I did my very best to heed it . We went out fo dinner and chatted amiably . I brought up no R talk. On the drive back I agonized over whether to address anything or leave it be . But I finally decided I would gently try and see if I could get him to open the 'lid' a little .. I needed some answers .

Well we started to talk as we arrived at the house and I asked if he wanted to continue and he agreed and came inside. He talked very frankly about what had upset him about my behaviour .....and I listened and validated and ....and "Trust and Acceptance " was much to the fore RBL

And I found out about why there was the long silence since the last date.......he had seen the changes ..but then he saw some 'behaviour' that made him not trust the changes ....

It is so important to keep a close watch on your WAS and look carefully at what works and what sends them diving back down their tunnel.
So end result????? He explained about a few things I asked about . I said I was very confused by the mixed signals I get from him. He left 9 months ago , bought a house, is planning on major renovations . But says he wants to date and talk then never contacts me. I feele he has given strong indications that he is "Done". His response was to state that he has to move forward, and " Act as if" the situation is permanent . He needs to make plans or else he will be in limbo ( Exactly where I am and many of us here right?????) I swear he is a natural DBer !!!! And he has not read any of the books! But it did not mean that these moves were in stone . The house was as originally stated to be an investmment, hence the planned renovations, but it became his bolt hole when he left.

He is very wary about being hurt again and will do everything to avoid that pain. ( I made no comment here I promise I just listened!!!!) I did apolgise for my actions that caused him pain , which he says is a 180 for me ( not sure I agree there but I accepted and validated it)End result we will talk more and we will date . And I get the feeling I should pursue a little but gently.

I don't know where this takes us now . he is in a more secure position in a number of ways than I am right now . But I too have to keep moving forward in my life to be as independent as possible and work harder at tackling my demons .

BTW I had my St Jude medal with me . He is the patron saint of lost causes and he has worked a few miracles for me in thep ast . So I have a real soft spot for him. Think he was hard at work tonight too

Rainbowlove . Your timing is perfect. Thanks ((((((hugs))))))) to you