H has PA w/OW and lives at home (he stated that he is separated w/me when he fell in love w,/OW three mo ago). So far I was able to act "as if", clean home, food on the table. Today I feel that I do not want to do anything for him - no cooking or laundry, or anything.
How other people dealt with this dilemma? On one hand I want him to come back home and have a lovely home where he is welcome and his favorite food prepared. On the other hand he is not realizing what he would be missing (his long term plan is D). And today (hopefully just for today) my pain just turned into anger and I am fed up with his selfishness.
I am not working now but I will start next mo altho I bring home 1/5 of what he is making. We have our D from college living w/us for couple more weeks.
I don't really have anything I can tell you with regards to the PA. My H is still at home and I honestly don't know if there is someone else or not. I don't snoop and he hasn't coughed up any info regarding this.
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And today (hopefully just for today) my pain just turned into anger and I am fed up with his selfishness.
I find the anger comes and goes. I do something physical everyday even if it's just go for a walk (usually a pretty long one). It helps to clear my mind so I can think and not just be emotional.
It's not unusual for a wife that's left to struggle with significant financial loss. Personally, I'm going to be taking some classes in the fall and I'm doing alot of soulsearching regarding my sitch. Just having a job will probably make you feel a little better.
Does your D know? If nothing else this post will bump you back up so that those with more experience here can help.
Thank you Grace and Breton. Yes, it is about anger and about boundaries. Need to master both. I am reading "Facing the Fire" which I was told is the best book about dealing with anger. I read the beginning and stopped because now it's turn to do the exercises. I am gathering courage to do it.
I told H that I would not do his laundry due to him being w/ow in these clothes. I am not preparing meals for him as well.
I had some resemblance of peace in me for the last two days in spite that h was meeting w/ow over weekend and our anniversary is coming. I resolved for myself (with the help of reading Faithisbelieving thread) that I would giving h a card for our anniversary. I gave him one for father's day and he said thank you.
My main goal now is to stop thinking about him and concentrate on myself. I also planned to go see my friends out of town so I would not be at home for our anniversary day.
me, h - 40+ m-20+ s, d, ss - 20+ s, ow, pa since 04.2007 h back and forth 01.2008 - 05.2008 h decided to be w/ow 05.13.2008 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1415899&page=1&fpart=1
Good for you. Wouldn't that qualify as a 180 since you weren't getting the results you wanted from continuing to wash and cook for him? I agree that going out of town is a good idea. Have a great time!
You do know you are posting in the mlc forum. That indicates you believe it is the nature of his behavior.
Along with reading about anger, your really need to read all you can about mlc. Not so you can cure it, you can't, no one can. But you can learn a lot about your role in it. If he is a MLCer, it is not the result of the typical ups and downs in a M. It is not the result of many mistakes on your part.
Most of all, the more you learn about mlc, the more you will understand the need to live your life and become the best person you can be, for yourself.
Take a trip because it will be wonderful and not because of anger or because it may have some kind of effect on him.
