A friend of mine, Tamashii suggested that I post my sitch in this section for help from wise individuals on how to proceed.
I have been doing great the past week or so. GAL, etc. Just found out today that my W did file. I did call and talk to her for a minute and told her that if there is anything that I can do to work on the M, let me know. I apologized and then spoke to D3 which got me in a GREAT mood. I don't know what to do. I have no other option but to keep doing what I am doing.
The other day W texted me and told me that D3 missed me. She never does this. I saw this as a positive sign. My W has been VERY friendly and has started to open up a little bit and talks small talk a lot. She hasn't seemed angry or anything that is why this is a surprise. I think at this point, I am going to officially detach and try to be done with her. I have tried to save this M, by giving her space, being a friend, and doing whatever I can do. DBing my butt off. No pressure and this happens. I am still upset right now. D3 is my strength that keeps me going. I have so much guilt. I am physically feeling crushed!
I have been wearing my ring for the last month...I am considering taking it off and changing my approach with my W. I have always been friendly and doing everything that she has asked. She asked for me to pick up D3 and take home. It is like an half hour away. I will still do this. W complains that I am selfish. This would be selfish on my part. When she gets back into town on Monday, I'll tell her that D3 did really great and suggest that I would like to start having weekends with D3. I am going to start being friendly, say hello, be brief and then leave immediately. We are going to the circus on July 1st. I wonder how that will go. She filed last spring and she backed out after we went to counseling and Retrouvaille. She is stubborn right now. She continues to blame me for leaving the house initially. I came back after 2 weeks and she said she is done and that I left them. She blames me for EVERYTHING. A successful DBer suggested that I take off my ring and stop obsessing. I am going to work hard to do this and see the results.
The ring is a matter of debate - some say leave it on, some say take it off. I personally took mine off when it began to make me feel worse - I could not function as all I thought about was my H. But it is a very personal decision. Don't do it to get any sort of a reaction out of your W, just do it for you.
I think you are on the right track with being friendly, but setting boundaries. She might be acting friendly b/c she has now filed, so feels safe doing so, so try not to read anything into it. That's not to say that things couldn't change, just be aware.
Good luck, Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
