From reading on the bb, and in my own experience, it seems like the ow's our H's have are very controlling. I know that when my H picks up or drops off the kids alone, he is relaxed and likes to chat. But when she is with him, or he is going to see her, he is off like a rocket! He has also started repeating everything I say when I speak to him on the phone and she is there. This is ever since I met her btw.
Yesterday, as he literally ran to his car, I said, "D--- sure has you on a short leash!" He just laughed.
The strange thing is that when he left, he said he was tired of the responsiblities of a husband and father, and wanted to be free! I NEVER put restrictions on him b/c I trusted him completely.
Are these ow just really jealous? Why do the men put up with it? None of the women are that great, from what I read/see. How is it that they have so much power over the MLCers?
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
It is funny you brought this up today because I was just pondering this question last night.
My H's OW is very controlling. My kids have snooped and read his text's and OW says things like, "Hurry up, you are 8 minutes late". She monitors his every move.
Do they like this?
My H use to tell me I was too controlling and I really was not.
The only thing I can think of is when one is in adolescence, even though we are rebelling, we still feel safe when authority figures put restrictions on us. It sets our boundaries and helps us stay in line. Maybe they need this control at this point. I don't know. We all know are H's struggle with "feeling safe"
Me: 45 H: 43 Married: 19 years Dated 05 years Bomb: 11/06 OW - "I love her, but still want you as my friend"
I was just wondering the same thing about my H. He has always had a thing about being controlled. I was not controlling. Many of his friends were envious because I didn't put restrictions on him. I only asked that he spend as much time with me (us after the children came) as he did with friends.
When he left, he said the same that he just didn't want to be married any more. That he may have never been meant to be married and that he didn't want to answer to anyone.
Now OW doesn't even allow him to speak to me or have any interactions with me at all. I know this because he spoke really friendly to me in front of her and they left my S17's track meet without H seeing S run and has not spoken to me in person, on the phone, or by email since.
Really strange.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
They put up with this control from the OW/OM because they have heard over and over again from us, family, friends, colleagues they are making a HUGE mistake leaving their family for some cheap fling.... while they, unfortunately, feel they MUST prove everyone wrong, and will do anything to make this unsatisfactory, often sick relationship work.
Also, on some level, they realize they have deeply hurt and nearly destroyed their own family, and some of them feel they are not emotionally strong enough to hurt another person by leaving them too.
It's twisted thinking at best, but to them it is logical.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
They are also still infatuated with the OW, and everything else pales in comparison. And, lets face it, all the excuses they make about leaving the M, is usually a bunch of baloney. Once they start emerging from the infatuation, and seeing the OW for who she really is, and they start seeing their M for what it truly was, is when they start realising (sometimes) what a huge mistake they made. We hope, anyway, 'eh!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Hi Nicola, saw your thread and I was curious... I'm jumoing right in and haven't even tread all the other posts to the thread yet so sorry if I write more of the same...
Originally Posted By: nicola
I know that when my H picks up or drops off the kids alone, he is relaxed and likes to chat. But when she is with him, or he is going to see her, he is off like a rocket!
He might feel uncomfortable when she is around aswell because his two worlds are coming together and it's very confusing... They have lived lies for such a long time when it comes together he's stressed.
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Yesterday, as he literally ran to his car, I said, "D--- sure has you on a short leash!" He just laughed.
I wouldn't critisize OW anymore. It will cause him to defend her even in his mind. Become the sweet, uncontrolling non critical woman she will become a huge contrast in a negative way
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The strange thing is that when he left, he said he was tired of the responsiblities of a husband and father, and wanted to be free! I NEVER put restrictions on him b/c I trusted him completely.
I heard literally the same thing. today i was thinking about this since DH made a comment on it in a nasty email several days before. I never asked him what time he would be home, where he was, i let him go on holidays with his male friends never asked were they were going etc. I feel it's more about MLC. You know the responisbilities as husband and father. BUT in connection with this I feel it also had a lot to do with the way I interactedwith him. i thought i gave him good solid advice on matters, reasoned with him and tried to control it so he would do things my way. Of course this gives a huge confinement so lack of freedom. (hey I answered my own question LOL will copy it to my post ... i'm on a roll here it's the second time today actually )
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Are these ow just really jealous? Why do the men put up with it? None of the women are that great, from what I read/see. How is it that they have so much power over the MLCers?
In my opinion they are really insecure. Why would you steal a husband from their family? They have a family so there must be something good about him because he's married. also they feel they don't deserve a man of their own, scared they can't find a good one?? Anyway lot's of insecurities there...
I read somewhere in the MLC archives that men in MLC are looking for a new mother figure. They kicked you out as a mothe figure so now a new one. who can cater to all their insecurities. mine has no responsibilities at all. She handles all the finances and arranges everything. She manipulates him emotionally by agreeing on everything he says and he doesn't even notice. Like a mommy - no worries at all. (oh the bad bad world, you're such a good man and THEY did you wrong) Like a triangle. He's the victim, she is the rescuer and you are the...bad girl...
The OW in my case, told me in an email she has no ill will towards me. UMMMMMMM, how nice?
She has no ill will toward you???? How very nice of her since she's the one that's sleeping with your husband. Some things these OW say absolutely amaze me. Why would they have any ill will toward us??? What have we done so wrong to them??
Amazing.
BFM
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
And, lets face it, all the excuses they make about leaving the M, is usually a bunch of baloney. Once they start emerging from the infatuation, and seeing the OW for who she really is, and they start seeing their M for what it truly was, is when they start realising (sometimes) what a huge mistake they made. We hope, anyway, 'eh! 