If possible I would try the joint therapy if H is really willing. Maybe this time it will work (IF he will actually go WITH YOU, not alternating sessions). Giving up completely hurts, too. Maybe he's doing the best he can at this point. Maybe this time he will get that clue and do something about it. Can you be patient a wee bit longer???
Sox, great email to h. Well you have made your stand, and I bet it feels good. Who knows maybe this is the wake up call that he needs one way or the other.
nope. Not a wake up call. He replied with how I haven't changed and how it's all about me. And how he wants to be with me but if he doesn't know how and how I never think about his feelings.
I sit here wondering so many things- like you said in Jan you would give notice on your house. Then you wanted to try weeks. But then there is always a reason- no TV, I said something that upset you, I did something. I feel like there will always be something that keeps you back. Like you are looking for that promise of forever but will nick pick to not ever reach it. You're looking for a promise that I won't ever say anything that hurts- whether intentional or not. You're not willing to take a chance because of that. I understand that. On my side, what's my promise that dishes or laundry won't pile up for me to come home to? Or that shoes will be put away, or that you'll talk to me about a problem? There is no way I can know that after 2 months back together your clothes won't be all over the bedroom, or that you won't shut me out, or wash 5 loads of laundry and throw them on the couch (remember, things like that hurt me, the same as words hurt you). I know it will happen. ((look around your house; I'm not saying that in a bad way :}, you know you can't promise that either- and i don't expect you to.)) And yet, I am willing to take the risk of getting back together- not because you have changed and those things won't happen- but because I know they will happen and I have changed how I react to it. I'm not saying I don't expect on some level those things will improve, or that it is now OK to throw 5 loads of laundry on the couch. I'm saying that if/when the crap happens, my reaction is different. Does that make sense?
I think that sounds good. Your H is similar tomine in the sense he wants too come back but it afraid of all the little things that will "hurt" him. I too want to tell my H things like this.For some reason my H thinks you shouldnt have to "work" at the M. I guess this where the confusion of la la fantasy land comes in.
I too changed a lot especially on NOT reacting to my h's temper. I no longer let it get to me. I have told him but I told him he can not see the changes until he lives back w/ me. He was all ears and wanted to know for sure of the changes but I stopped midsentence & said these are all words & words are carried away w/ the wind, I want to show in my actions.
Your doing good & I will see u in peircing in no time!
Thanks Chicki, I was in piecing a while ago..........
HS- some of it I have said before, but I never said it like this. I never laid it out like that using those examples. It's like when I teach. I have to use 8 different methods to make sure i reach every child. I guess this is the 8th different way for H.
He wants a promise of forever from me some how. I've never given him my side of that either.
My goal? who the hell knows what I want anymore. I want me to be happy. If that means he says we should divorce, then I'll move on and be happy. If he says he understands and wants to work on this, then I'll be happy with him wanting to work on things too.
