Just an update on the saga of my MLC journey with a WAW. Things had gotten worse with her husband and his abusive behaviors and his drinking. She had made arrangements for me to come and get her on my son's Spring vacation. He got drunk and they had a physical altercation. Her girlfriend called the cops and he got arrested. Meanwhile the white Knights ( me and my son )took an 800 mile journey to rescue her. In hindsight the worst idea I ever had....
Move forward: She lived with us for 3 months in a spare bedroom. Came and went as she pleased. She helped out around here as payment for her room and board. Miserable the whole time she was here. Went to counseling and several churches. Still miserable. EVERYONE tried to convince her to get out and stay away from her husband. She booked a plane to go and supposedly file for divorce. Ended up having a honeymoon with husband instead. Came back home and packed up her stuff and went back to him.
She says he is a changed man. Gave up drinking. Goes to AA, church, volunteer work, etc. Is mad at everyone because we can't believe he can change. Let me see: beat up 3 women, is 53 years old and been an alcoholic most of his adult life. Why would we believe ??? do you see what's coming ??? I do... It's only a matter of time.
I didn't push her while she was here. I was available and tried to include her in our lives. Even that made her uncomfortable most of the time as she often commented she didn't want to go back to the way things were. She couldn't handle the stress of everyday living and interaction with the kids and their lives and problems. Came close to meltdown many times.
So smart thing for me to do is finally cut the strings and let her go right ? When she left I told her not to call us to rescue her again. That if she needed a place to live she was always welcome here as long as I was still single. I even sent her a link to my profile on yahoo to see what she thought... Don't know if that was for my benefit or hers.
I know she has gone back in the tunnel, and I have let her drag me along with her at least part way as witnessed by what I wrote last night.
It’s not that I remember I can’t forget…………. The moments good, the moments bad I can’t forget………….
Memories of you, of us, of our family I can’t forget…………. Your captivating smile and loving glances I can’t forget……………
My memories of you is my prison I can’t forget…………… All the things we could have had and should have had I can’t forget……………
The heartache and the tears won’t stop I can’t forget…………… It’s not that I remember I can’t forget……………
So I have succumbed to the dark side again. Each time it gets a little easier but it still hurts. I have realized for a long time it's not me that has brought about the majority of this drama but her own deep inner problems. I can't fix her, won't even try. She can't seem to fix herself. It's hard to walk away when it's someone you love.
TPPPL, DaveA
You vote with your feet. Divorce final 12/24/2004 I Give Up !
Sorry to see you back here. It is hard to imagine the pain that you have been through, but it seems that you are trying to recognize that you can't fix her. Why do I say trying? Here's why.
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So smart thing for me to do is finally cut the strings and let her go right ? When she left I told her not to call us to rescue her again. That if she needed a place to live she was always welcome here as long as I was still single.
You aren't there yet. The best thing the White Knights can do is to let her fend for herself next time. If she has a backup, she will always use, or should I say abuse, it.
Your sadness comes through. You haven't walked away from her. She walked away from you. The smart thing for you is to finally cut those strings and let her go as you questioned. You questioned because you are not ready.
Good luck. Keep moving forward with your life. Your life is about you and your children. She chose to be your ex. Your ex. Keep that in mind.
You have been so patient and kind with your w and she is so lost. I am so sorry. It is really scary to think of your her back with her abusive husband. So hard to understand.
Hang in there. I am sure it feels almost like the beginning of this whole thing. But you will recover faster and be stronger.
Your sadness comes through. You haven't walked away from her. She walked away from you. The smart thing for you is to finally cut those strings and let her go as you questioned. You questioned because you are not ready.
I know and you know that because this is one of the few places that I "let it all hang out". Standing for your marriage can be a noble thing but there comes a point when it turns into sheer lunacy. I crossed that line a while ago but being the stubborn donkey I am it's hard to let go all the way. I dropped the rope long ago but have always stayed in sight in case I needed to pick it up again. We all know it's only a matter of time before it all blows up in her face again and that is probably why I am so hesitant to make the final cut.
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She chose to be your ex. Your ex. Keep that in mind.
That's not entirely true as she still wants the best of both worlds by having her new life and keeping a small anchor on the old home front, and I enable her to do that ! She has been referring to me as her best friend for quite a while now and that's what has kept me around and gave me hope. Trouble is I never knew how to be friends with a woman that I didn't want something more out of it. I guess that's a man thing huh ?
Thanks for the response ! Have a great day ! TPPPL, DaveA
You vote with your feet. Divorce final 12/24/2004 I Give Up !
Hang in there. I am sure it feels almost like the beginning of this whole thing. But you will recover faster and be stronger.
No not really as I went into this chapter already expecting the outcome that happened. It was really nothing like the beginning as I went into this scenario with my eyes open and after having her here a few days I was already expecting the worse but hoping for the best.
Just being able to vent here really helps because anyone else who is familiar with my situation thinks I'm as loony as she is for not moving on years ago. I'm really OK and taking it all in stride. Now I'm ready to move on and find a new Love of my life. Which I have been sorta trying for a while but not really making it a priority. Sometimes getting hit with a 2 x 4 wakes you up, sometimes it knocks you out Take care and thanks for responding ! TPPPL, DaveA
You vote with your feet. Divorce final 12/24/2004 I Give Up !
Take care and thanks for responding ! TPPPL, DaveA