Common? I'm with you, I have rarely heard of it. I know my XW said to me at bomb time "People can always remarry but I don't see that happening". I'm assuming XW meant that it's possible but you'll never change so it probably won't happen. I don;t plan on getting serious with anyone anytime soon and that is key if there is going to be a chance. I wonder what brought them back together?
We didn't really spend very much time on Sitch talk (neither mine, nor hers ), but she made a gen'l statement about H realizing after they were D'd/apart their R had more Good than Bad, and that he wanted his life w/her (again).
In our cases (DBing Fools that we are!) bringing them back (no matter how long post-Bomb or whatever) HAS to be more of the give them space, be the best US we can be, continue the for-ever changes of 180's, GALing, PMA - all the while leaving the door open (a crack at least), and letting the WAS come to the realization that they were (or at least COULD BE!) wrong all on their own.
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
Me: 45 - WAH: 36 S8; D6 M: 11 yrs 07/06 Initial Bomb 10/06; D Bomb 11/06 - DBing begun 1/5/07 - H moved out 03/16/07 To date: No papers filed; H not seen a L; trying to convince me to MUTUALLY file for D
yep...or at least realize that they played a role in it too and that the changes we made are permanent. I know my XW has not seen me waiver. I have been the same positive, upbeat person post D as I was pre-D.
Right on Cincy! This is what they need to see -- hope that now the dust is beginning to settle, she will see you a little more clearly for the new you!
Are you kidding me?! pg 6! Thanks for catching me b/f I fell.
Okay, a bit of journaling a weirdly-NICE phone convo w/H last eve. Course there was an ulterior motive: He wanted sympathy. (Men, huh?) H: **cough, cough** Do we have a family physician?*cough* Me: Why? Do you mean for the kids, or you? (Yeah, playing a little stupid here. ) H: For me. I’ve got to get something for this cough. (I swear he did not cough once when he was here either yest. morn or a'noon. This must be a cse of Sudden-Onset Horrible Sickness.) So I look up the phone number, give it to him along w/the name/number of the kids’ ped., tell him where the office is located (all, btw, written down & provided him w/"his" files when he moved out in March). . . And he keeps talking. . . Do I know if they have urgent care hours. (Uh, it’s close to 7pm & he’s hardly “urgent” but I don’t say anything) . . . He describes his headaches & sinus pain . . . I’m making a few sympathetic noises and . . . HE KEEPS TALKING! . . .Then he gets beeped, says he has to take it but “I’ll call you back, okay?” Me.: “Uh, okay.” And, w/i a min., he’s calling back. Says that was [someone or other, apparently an expert on deadly coughing diseases] & H has “a virus” and there’s nothing to be done for it now. . .And he keeps talking! . . .Hopes it gets better b/c he’s flying out on Wed., won't be back til Sun. [tho he never did say where he was flying to]. I’m doing not much more than the occasional “uh, huh” (tho, lol, w/a Ques.Mark at the end sometimes), & then I said, in response to his concern about flying & not feeling well, “Well, I hope you’re feeling better tomorrow.” (& as a, lol, Are we gonna talk about your cough all night?!) and he says “Thanks. I appreciate it.” Uh – HUH?
Think it had anything to do w/the fact that I let him in my house, on my computer, while I was out to lunch w/a friend yest. afternoon? (Yeah, WTH I thought. If he wants to snoop to see where I've 'been', he knows how & I’ll never figure out if he did.) Maybe he saw my desk calendar w/all the P.sessions & the $$ I made written next to each. ?? Who knows. (I journaled last nigth: Maybe he’ll be nice tomorrow. Maybe he won’t.)
This morning he brings to the kids to the door as planned, stayed on the stoop hugging D, makes min. eye contact w/me, asks "Okay, is there anything I [should have - or - for me]?" (prolly mail or something, I'm not sure what really) I said, "Umm, no." & he said "I'll see you on Sunday, then."
Weird, esp. in view of our latest Talk. But, oh well. Off to start a(nother) Busy Day. Cheers, all!
Last edited by stillme; 06/20/0702:21 PM.
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
Me: 45 - WAH: 36 S8; D6 M: 11 yrs 07/06 Initial Bomb 10/06; D Bomb 11/06 - DBing begun 1/5/07 - H moved out 03/16/07 To date: No papers filed; H not seen a L; trying to convince me to MUTUALLY file for D
WOW still I think your H is is ready for his academy award now...lol Wow that was a great bit of acting to get your attention there. He wanted sympathy in the worst way! You nailed that one. Sounds like he was pretty pissed when he did get the sympathy he was looking for (min eye contact next day)...He probably telling the kids you could care less if he lives or dies...
Actually, Sunshine, I didnt get that he was pizzed at all. O/C my choice how i 'take' it, but I choose to take it in a not-bad way.
He called me Pos1: He already had the dr # etc. Maybe he truly forgot I'd given it to him not 2 mo ago. Maybe not. Pos2:Instead of being business-like: "Thank you very much. See ya. Bye" click. He talked. Stayed on the p hone when he surely didnt have to. Pos3: Talked about his feelings. Uh, sure, they were his feelings OF BEING SICK, but, lol, I'll take it. Seriously, he was telling me How He Was Doing (We haven't had a How Are You convo - on either side - since Jan.) Pos4: Even after being given an 'out' to end the call (getting beeped), he said he'd call back, and he did. Pos5: W/only my "uh-huh" to go on, he kept talking. About himself, yeah. To gain my sympathy? maybe. Something else/more? who knows. He did it. Pos6: When I wished him well, he THANKED me. And it wasn't a business-like Thank You (as has happened on occasion). Pos7: The fact that he didn't make serious/normal or (as our norm has been ) UGLY eye contact can only be a pos. Was he embarrassed? Thinking I was gonna, gasp!, Have False Hope? Unsure how to be around me? Who knows. But nothing about it was pissing or ugly.
Maybe the story came across wrong. Again, l ack of smiley faces? But I didn't hold my ground (neg) so much as act the caring, respectful friend he can turn to.
And, PS - He would never tell the kids I didn't care if he lived or died. Besides the fact that he knows that's not true cuz I've told him I still love him, he wouldn't subject his (our!) kids to being in the middle like that.
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
Me: 45 - WAH: 36 S8; D6 M: 11 yrs 07/06 Initial Bomb 10/06; D Bomb 11/06 - DBing begun 1/5/07 - H moved out 03/16/07 To date: No papers filed; H not seen a L; trying to convince me to MUTUALLY file for D
), but she made a gen'l statement about H realizing after they were D'd/apart their R had more Good than Bad, and that he wanted his life w/her (again). 
) H: For me. I’ve got to get something for this cough. (I swear he did not cough once when he was here either yest. morn or a'noon. This must be a cse of Sudden-Onset Horrible Sickness.) So I look up the phone number, give it to him along w/the name/number of the kids’ ped., tell him where the office is located (all, btw, written down & provided him w/"his" files when he moved out in March). . . And he keeps talking. . . Do I know if they have urgent care hours. (Uh, it’s close to 7pm & he’s hardly “urgent” but I don’t say anything) . . . He describes his headaches & sinus pain . . . I’m making a few sympathetic noises and . . . HE KEEPS TALKING! . . .Then he gets beeped, says he has to take it but “I’ll call you back, okay?” Me.: “Uh, okay.” And, w/i a min., he’s calling back. Says that was [someone or other, apparently an expert on deadly coughing diseases] & H has “a virus” and there’s nothing to be done for it now. . .And he keeps talking! . . .Hopes it gets better b/c he’s flying out on Wed., won't be back til Sun. [tho he never did say where he was flying to]. I’m doing not much more than the occasional “uh, huh” (tho, lol, w/a Ques.Mark at the end sometimes), & then I said, in response to his concern about flying & not feeling well, “Well, I hope you’re feeling better tomorrow.” (& as a, lol, Are we gonna talk about your cough all night?!) and he says “Thanks. I appreciate it.” Uh – HUH?