CF I was catching up on your sitch and wanted to tell you that you are in my thoughts. JR is right... when it rains it pours, but it is our actions during those "too much to handle" times that not only makes us stronger but also entitles us to some respect. Take care
God places upon us only the amount we can bear. I guess I can bear a bit more. As I told my wife when I broke the news to her, it's time to dig a bit deeper in myself.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
How has it been having her gone, getting used to it a little? I know after our two meetings, it's taken me 2-3 days to get used to not seeing my W again...
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
She took it hard and I suspect hard because she knew with all our stuff going on it was just kicking me when I was down and finally getting up and she was responsible for a lot of the down.
I admit to a blatant push too. I told her that I needed to know how serious she was about being open to or ready to reconcile. That was probably the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life. But right now is the time I need the love and support of my wife, my best friend and partner. She did say she wished she could be here with me but the words were a bit hollow. She's so far away emotionally that I immediately began to wonder if she'd ever come back. (Kick number 2 for the day) So I really hit rock bottom on the phone with her this morning. The last time I felt that bad was back in Nov when I discovered she hired an atty.
She did say, let's talk when I get back. Fine whatever is my feeling. I've taken enough and now I need a bit passed back. Is she willing, something tells me no she's not willing to give anything back. That leaves me with myself and God. I told her I knew I had to dig deeper within me and look to God but it'd be nice to know I could look to her as well. She kept stressing to me to call on my friends for support which only came across as she really didn't care deep down. Maybe I read that wrong and she was trying to help me because she isn't here.
Bottom line here, I just look and say to myself, how can I carry on like this much longer? How much more crap can I allow myself to get drug through before I finally throw in the towel? Do I have it in me to dig deeper and find it in myself to do not only for me but for my children and my wife? Do I have it in me to fix me again and deal with a broken marriage too?
Key West is looking mighty good right now.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Well, I'll tell you what a MC I've gone to told me. You have to determine that timeline now. Are you willing to go 6 months and then call it quits if there is no positive movement? If things don't look better in 3, will you quit? Decide now, and move toward that "goal." If you can't get to a point where you feel good about things by that point, whatever you decide that is, then you've done everything you can!
I've decided already, that I will wait forever for my wife. Does it suck not having her with me? Well, you know the answer to that.
But look at anything else you've wanted to accomplish. How long did you work at a new skill, a talent, a hobby, anything else? I've been trying to get better at golf for 10 years now. I keep working at it, it's frustrating some days (however today I ended par, par, birdie, par, so I'm feeling pretty good ) and good other days. But I don't quit. How much more important is my M, and my W, and my S??? Infinitely more important.
Shoot, yesterday, I got frustrated that my W hasn't called me yet since our last meeting. But I let the feelings just be there, acknowledged them, and let them go. I'm great today! I'll be better when I'm back with my W and S! They will be better when they're back with me.
Keep your eye on the prize Catfan, determine what your timeframe is, and stay the course. You'll be awesome!
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
JR I would really like to think I have to fortitude and she has it in her heart for me to wait forever. But forever is in so many ways unrealistic. Previously I had said labor day and I think I'll stick to that. If I don't see real effort by her by then, I'll have to stop all efforts and just move forward for me and me alone. I'll keep my heart open to her and hope she comes around. But I won't shut anyone else out either.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
JR I would really like to think I have to fortitude and she has it in her heart for me to wait forever. But forever is in so many ways unrealistic. Previously I had said labor day and I think I'll stick to that. If I don't see real effort by her by then, I'll have to stop all efforts and just move forward for me and me alone. I'll keep my heart open to her and hope she comes around. But I won't shut anyone else out either.
Well, let's be clear, what is "forever" in this case? Divorce. Once that's done, it's done. Honestly, if my W is SO upset over the things I've done that she HAS to be D'd and can't give us another chance, well that sucks, but so be it. I'm not getting re-married to her, it's her loss. So, forever, in the sense we're talking about here, definitely isn't the eternal sense she and I agreed to when we got married
But Labor day seems fair (how long have you been at this again???) that seems like plenty of time to get something positive going. Just keep that in mind when you get frustrated, take things right to the deadline with the DBing and if it's meant to be, it'll be!
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
Holy cow what a friggin' day. My wife called about an hour ago to talk to us all, including me. I apologized for being so blunt earlier and she said sure she understood I was really hurting and she was sorry she couldn't give me more right now and couldn't be here for me.
We talked for about another 15 minutes and it came out she believes we can "get there" and "it'll take time a good bit of time". Oh my what a ride. It's nice to know she wants to be here for me and can admit her struggles to me.
I brought up just showing love and how I've just tried to show love these last few weeks. Her response, "it's nice and it helps."
So all I can say right now is WEEEEEE...ARRRGGGG as I ride to coaster.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
) and good other days. But I don't quit. How much more important is my M, and my W, and my S??? Infinitely more important.
