No earth-shattering news .. just keeping my thread alive as promised.
A couple of interesting things:
I found out that shortly after my H returned from South Africa last summer, he was flashing around pictures of himself and the OW to several of his co-workers. He boasted that he and I were already divorced and that the divorce had cost him $1 million!!! Hmmm ..
Also:
My SIL said that H has been "hiding" the OW in a remote motel in another state for the past six weeks b/c she was afraid she would be subpoenaed to the D hearing. My L postponed the hearing, so it looks like she will be underground for awhile longer. The funny part is, my SIL knew the name of the motel and was very happy to tell me. I personally don't care, but my L might need to know at some point.
Strangely, I feel very disconnected from H right now .. like he was never my H, just someone from my past whom I don't like very much. I don't hate him and I hope that he gets the help he needs, but after the D is over, I don't want him in my life.
It got to me today when I heard H was bragging about being divorced from me last year. I mean, why did he have to say anything at all? Why couldn't he have just kept his friggin' mouth shut and preserve me a little respect?
The trip to Africa was a turning point, in hindsight. The day before he left, he wrote me a note that he wanted us to get things back on track as soon as he returned. But H was much more distant when he returned and it was all downhill from there.
I will be glad when this is all behind me and there's no more surprises to deal with.
I kept my grandson, age 5, tonight. He has been talking a lot about "papa" lately. He saw a man at the grocery store today and thought it was H. He got really excited and kept saying, "it's papa, it's papa". Of course, it wasn't but it broke my heart. H hasn't even seen the kids in 9 months. I think that's why I'm a little emotional tonight because grandson was talking about H and there's not much I can say. How could a 5 year old begin to understand that the man who meant the world to him just suddenly abandoned him?
I remember the Africa trip last year. We all thought things were going to be good until you found out the ow went with him. I still had alot of hope. You sound so done, my friend and I am so sorry for all your pain.
I understand about how awful you felt when your GS thought it was your h. My GD used to come into the house and ask where grandpa was. It used to kill me! My h used to be so close to her. I hope that it will all come back for them again. She loves him so much.
When is the next hearing? Hang in there, you are doing so great!!!! Your in my prayers!
The next hearing has not been scheduled yet. My L is doing a lot of discovery work on the assets that H has hidden (or spent) over the past two years.
I tried to get H to make a settlement offer for the past several months and he wouldn't do it. I would have settled for almost nothing. I'm glad now that it didn't happen.
You are in my prayers, too, YR. We will both make it, one way or another.
Val, Don't beat yourself up for not "seeing" things more clearly earlier. Regardless of what you call when he is going through, he is clearly not of sound mind. YOu were simply holding out hope that he would get himself the help he needed and get back to his old self. There is no shame in that. Just a lot of love and support.
At this point, he is really out there, so you need to move on. But you can go to sleep at night knowing that for better or worse, in sickness and in health, you stood by him until there was no more standing you could do.
I fear for him. I really do. I hope he gets help.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
