My H and I have been separated for 8 months now. We tried to reconcile a few months ago, and I guess he changed his mind because I haven't seen him in over a month.
Today I got a text message from him that said "Why is life with you and without you so hard?" I wrote this reply...I haven't sent it yet because I would love some feedback. Thanks
Letter to H:
Why is life with me and without me hard? You bet I have asked that same question myself. Although, I never knew what made it hard for you to be with me. I know I wasn’t perfect, but I also thought I was trying to do things to make us both happy. As hard as it was sometimes, the only thing that kept me going was the faith that I had that you still loved me somewhere deep down inside. And as much as I knew I couldn’t fix you or be the source of your happiness, I tried like hell.
Why is life without me hard? I believe it’s because you are a loving man deep down inside and you have a place in your heart for me. I believe you still love me, D1, and D2.
For me it was hard either way and I knew that. I chose which life I wanted (no matter how hard it would be) because I knew what rewards I wanted to reap in the end. Though, my rewards, or which I thought were mine to have (family life, growing old together, you as my husband raising our children together) proved time and time again to not be mine to have. This was the risk I took, and well worth it.
The bottom line is that no matter what you choose, it will be hard. Life is hard…I know it’s a cliché, but it is true. You just have to chose which one is worth the rewards in the end. Your life is yours and yours alone and only you can find your true happiness. And if you are lucky enough to find it H, no matter how hard it can get sometimes, and no matter what it is, fight for it with everything you believe in, because that is the ONE thing we are all trying to find.
I don’t know if we’re meant to be together…but whatever happens, I just want you to know that no matter how long I live, until the day I die, you will always have a place in my heart.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
Now that jazz posted that I see his point. It sounds a tad like a closure letter. Toss his own question back on him. Why is it so hard for him to choose life with or without you. What's his heart (or gut) telling him?
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
Yes, I guess it doesn't scream that Jazz...but I also don't want to sound needy and do all the things I was doing wrong to try to win him back before (calling all the time, emailing, begging, crying, etc. etc.)
H, I can't help but wonder what made you ask me that question? Why do you think it's hard to be with me and without me? If you don't have an answer, that is fine, since I do know that it is a tough question that needs a lot of thought.
I would add to it something about that he needs to seek out the answer himself. That you can't answer that for him.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
Don't be heartbroken. That's a letter that requires a great deal of soul searching and insight to be able to send a reply. I would expect that it will take days at the earliest to actually respond. You've laid a lot on the line and the closing basically is asking him to do the same. He's got a lot of pain and scary feelings to navigate before he can respond in any fashion.
Now when he responds be care to read what he's really telling you and do not focus so much on the words he uses. Look at the meaning behind what he's saying, you know what's said between the words.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
