I wanted to put this in a new thread for those who don't read mine.
Before I start this story, a neighbour told me on Sat about the H of one of her colleagues who was gone for three years, came back, and now they have a way better M than they ever did.
I've been hearing a lot of these stories lately, but I really wanted to share this one. It came straight from the horse's mouth, so to speak.
Before my concert yesterday, I was chatting with another choir member, I'll call her "Louise," whom I hadn't spoken to in a while. She is looking good now, but has looked really strained for the past year or so. She asked me what was going on w/ me and I told her all about H. She asked a bunch of questions, at one point mentioning that she, too, had been separated but was now back w/ her H. After I told her the abridged version of my story, she asked me how old H was; I told her it had started when he was 39, and now he's 41. She smiled ruefully and nodded her head, so I asked her if that's what happened with her M. Well, bombshell: She said yes, but she was the one who left!
They were S for two years, and she did the whole script. She left b/c she was "in love" w/ OM, a married man. He told her he would never leave his wife, but she didn't care. She just needed that push to get out of her own M. She gave her H the ILYBINILWY speech, and said the same thing my H said to me, "I CAN'T come back," never "I don't want to."
Louise's H told her she wasn't herself and she was making a huge mistake. She ignored him. She was POSITIVE that she would not change her mind. They shared the house for over a year, during which time she was there during the week, and he on the w/e. Then she bought him out, and she said that meant nothing to her - she was totally unemotional about it.
But when it came to divorcing...she couldn't do it. She said she didn't know why, but she just couldn't. Finally, she realized that she still loved her H, and had just had some kind of MLC. She asked her H to try again, and he agreed.
They have been back together now for almost a year. Louise said that, from the outside, everything looks the same, but it's really completely different. She said it's not perfect, but it's better than she could ever have imagined. They have picked up where they left off, and are even in the process of adopting a child from Korea.
The first 4-6 months of reconciliation were hard, she said. Things just were not going well. Then, they sat down with each other and decided that they had three choices:
1 - live like that 2 - split up for good 3 - be totally open and move forward, forget about the past.
They chose #3. They each told the other EVERYTHING that they didn't like about their M, and then they moved ahead, each making those changes.
Why did the MLC happen? She doesn't know. Part of it was b/c she really wanted a baby, and her H is infertile. She was 39 and felt angry and cheated, and then guilty for feeling that b/c she knew it wasn't his fault. She does have a good job, and is independent, so she doesn't fit the "Always profile" of the woman MLCer.
So that's her story. She's 42 now, and her H is 38. She said she's anxiously waiting for him to get past 40 w/o an MLC of his own!
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
A lot of this fits my W. Not the fertility thing, but what she said, the independance and the good job. Thanks for the insiring story. I needed that. I've been tired of this sitch lately.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
How interesting it is that after the struggle you had with letting your H "go", that once you seemed to have done just that all these stories started dropping in your lap that would seem to just be screaming "KEEP STANDING!".
The Lord works in mysterious ways, indeed.
The journey doesn't belong to the MLCer alone, does it, Nic?
It's not easy being perfect, you know. So many women are jealous of me. *sigh*
I sing in a gospel choir, used to sing in a classical choir. I also sang solo at a talent night at my D's school. Lots of fun! It is so good for my soul.
Amy ~
Argh! Shut up already!
I was trying to ignore the signs, telling myself that my role in this is just to pass on the info to others so they can benefit, lol!
But now, yes, it seems I am getting these signs. D is going ahead though, so we'll see.
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
I also told her that my D looks like a done deal, and she said, that's okay. Don't say any last things to him - he won't listen. But if we got back together, it would be a new M anyway.
Her main advice was just to LET HIM GO, leave him alone and get on with life.
Hmmm, where have I heard that before??!!
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
