i completely understand ERC. we have to learn to just let go. its for our own good and the well being for the babies.i know its hard.
by listening to all of these great people i have learned there is nothing we cando to fix our other half. especially when they are so wrapped up in them selves.
like i said earlier, people like these really dont deserve our love. we are better than we think and we deserve people who truely want to love us. the faster we understand this the faster our lives will get better.this typr of true love we will recieve will allow us to return the love but show our babies what its like to be in a good healthy relationship. they will see the difference.
Happy Anniversary...Today marks 6 months of this sitch for me. They say typically A last 6 months, well I am at that mark now and it does not look good for my M.
I had my girls last night and we crashed at my parents house. They are currently with my mom and dad. Wife is home alone(more on this later). Softball was fun even though we lost. Tonight I have a good friend of mine and his daughter coming to the house. Should be goodtimes for both my daughters and I. I also made plans for Saturday, golfing in the morning and hitting the beach for a pinic in the afternoon. Should be a goodtime.
My W called me this morning. I think maybe she was trying to pick a fight or was just having a pity party for herself. I did not let her rope me in when she her tone increased to a stern level. She asked about the girls and what their plans where today with my mom. Then she asked me again why I decided to go with a L and not a mediator. I told her no matter what I was hiring a L to look things over for me. I also told her she holds the key for going with a mediator. She hired a L and I needed to respond. She then started to have a pity party about the amount of time I am spending with our girls. She told me that rightnow that I am spending more time with them then she is...She is with them all day while I am at work...Doesn't make sense .. Anyways... She told me that I am making this out to be about me(ERC) and can't I see that she is trying to make this easier on the girls. I told her it is all about our girls and that I am going to make the most of my time with them for the rest of my life. She mentioned that it is hard for her to not see the girls on a daily basis and that she is has to come to grips with it. I told her that I am not OK with not seeing my girls daily and that I will make the most out of the time that I do have with them. I will probably never totally come to grips with it.
So that is a day in the life of ERC. Is her world crashing around her? Maybe... Is she still decieving herself? possibly.. Is the A still going strong? I don't know... Are all the people on this board people of intergrity and high morals? I would have to say YES...
How is everything in Rooland? You always have great advice for us LBS. Sounds like your sitch is becoming a little more tolerable. At least she's being civil and that may lead to more. We can only hope.
I am considering using the Last LR! Telling my wife to end the A or I will serve her D papers. I would like to start the separation so at least her financial obligations aren't mixed w/ mine. I thought she wld serve me but she is not too organized right now. Any suggestions?
ME: 39 ring on wife:38 ring off WAW/MLC son:17,11 dtr:9 mar:17yr Bomb4-27-07. EA/PA 2/07 with 22yr old. DBing 5-19-07 My story on the link below. http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1069470&page=0#Post1069470
like i said earlier, people like these really dont deserve our love. we are better than we think and we deserve people who truely want to love us. the faster we understand this the faster our lives will get better.
wow, you're still in entitlement mode, and you're bragging about how great you are.
you are "better than you think"?
currently, you think you were entitled to move in with another woman.. multiple times.. because your wife didnt treat you the way you wanted her to treat you. It's hard to imagine how you could have an even "better" opinion of yourself, when you have such a sky-high opinion of yourself already.
Quote:
this typr of true love we will recieve will allow us to return the love
you're not "allowed" to love your wife? and the implication that you cant love someone, you can only "return" someone's love for you?
Love is a choice. Not a reciprocation.
"I'll love you, for as long as you love me and treat me well", is no basis for a good, lasting marriage.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
I just wanted to comment on the 6 month A. I too thought my W A w/ OM would end at 6 months. I estimate she started around November 06, I didn't find out till 4/07 and they seem to be going strong at month 8!! Not to discourage you, I'm sure my W's A will fizzle out since he's 22 and she's 38! Plus she is paying for everything! That should get old too, once she is responsible for it and not me.
It's good that you are communicating with your wife. Mine still has so much anger she can't even look at me. I really don't know why she's so mad. I just let it go and detached. Working on my my kids, myself and GAL. I am really looking forward to life after this he$$. Whether it is w/ her or w/out her, life will be easier when this is over.
I find that these sites helped me tremendously. I haven't seen a C in a month but I am feeling better than I have in years! Even before the bomb was dropped. Best of luck to you too.
ME: 39 ring on wife:38 ring off WAW/MLC son:17,11 dtr:9 mar:17yr Bomb4-27-07. EA/PA 2/07 with 22yr old. DBing 5-19-07 My story on the link below. http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1069470&page=0#Post1069470
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
There's a lot of good advice here.... especially Andy. He seems to be similarly situated and has a good outlook. One thing to definitely keep in mind is not say ANYTHING about your lawyer or what is being done. Do not give out any information whatsoever!!!! Not just for DBing, but for your own legal position. Gosh!!!! My lawyer would have pounded me if I told my husband anything! He was a frightening guy. I didn't even tell my husband my lawyer's name. I just nicely told him that "everything was being taken care of." Although he did know I had a great lawyer.... I'm related to a judge so that was inevitable...
If she says anything about lawyers smile and say you just want everything quickly and correctly taken care of (always try to make it sound like you're doing her a favor!!!! It's to HELP HER!!! Hee hee!)... even if you're planning to drag it out.... and your lawyer is a bulldog...
So... any questions. Don't give her details, just say things like... The lawyers will take care of that... don't worry it will be over soon, smile... I just want you to be happy... although my first choise would be to have my family together, I care about you and want your happiness.... life is great! (boy did that one get my husband thinking!)... listen, listen, LISTEN like you're her best buddy and tell her "I understand."
Don't commit to anything... just say, let me think about that.... Hummmm these are things we should discuss with our lawyers... (You're doing her a favor having a lawyer rather than a mediator because you're hiring someone who can quickly and competently get through this)... I'm doing this for you. I want things to go smoothly.... Oooops! Gotta run. Have to be somewhere soon (Never tell her exactly what you're doing. Just seeing some friends... no names).... and "life is GOOD!!!"
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
you know what im getting really sick of j?rk offs like you. do people like you really just sit around and want to give theyre stupid opinions all day long?? before you go judge me go lookin the mirror. you have probably been in your situation for years you idiot. get a life!!! oh yeah go kiss my as?! while you are at it Dom, Rand !
Dear H&A, I'm sorry you're so angry. Please respect that people on these boards are trying to offer help and find support. Most of us are doing the very best that they can to get by and make sense of our individual situations. I for one am every bit as thankful for the 2X4's, as I am for the hopes and prayers that are offered. As mature adults in a very painful situation, we struggle and we consider each other "fellow travelers" that are more than willing to help us carry our burden. That being said I offer you the following advice; please take this in the context of wanting to help you be a better person. Grow the F*** up you little child. You are crying about how mistreated you are, but then you mistreat anyone that tells you something that you don't want to hear. You are a child, women don't want to be married to a child. Although the majority of us here are LBS's, I find myself being strangely supportive of your WAW. In fact, I think that many people on these BB's are saying "good for her" after they read your posts. I don't think you are man enough to look in a mirror and change what you see that caused your relationship failure. I know, I know, I'm an ass**** but I can still look in a mirror, and realize I have far to go. I wish you peace and success on your journey but I'm doubtful thaqt you will have either. No need to reply, I already know what a guy like you will say.
