Why do these things happen III

[789]

Here are the links to the first two.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1051419&page=1#Post1051419
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1080381&page=2#Post1080381

Hope this doesn't last to long tired of making threads already

[JR2007]

Well, we just won't post in your new thread and it'll last forever.

[789]

Ummm, don't take this personally, I hope I never get any where near the triple digits.

[789]

In talking to a friend last nite who knows both myself and my W. She got the feeling that my W is perfectly happy letting this go on forever, as in that she in someways gets to have all the space she wants or needs, and she has me to be able to help out whenever without having to show anything. In other words, never getting back together, but also never filling for D.
I am not positive, but in knowing my W, I can actually see her doing this. Kind of gives me a sinking feeling that if change is going to happen in M, it is going to have to be me and only me. The only change though would be me completely getting out of the picture and filing myself. I guess only time will tell.

[789]

I think part of my problem is, that I actually have lost respect for myself. I have let my life go in many ways. It must be un-attractive to my W, I know looking in the mirror it is to me.
This has to change, and has to change now. I know I have alot to offer, I need to get off the pity horse and start moving forward in taking control of my life.
I have put my life and my happiness in check the last few months feeling sorry for myself. It is time to stop that and stop now.

[789]

lol, I wasn't talking about my body, more so my mind and my actions.

[JR2007]

Clears the mind.

And lends balance - strong mind - strong body - strong spirit.

I feel 100% better on the days i go to the gym first thing in the morning. Maybe that's why yesterday sucked...I didn't make it

[789]

Well, we just won't post in your new thread and it'll last forever.

I just saw this one.

Thanks alot, seems to be working.

[789]

I stole this from another thread

This was originally posted by Peanut.
============
II. Detachment

Detachment is critical to the process of altering and repairing a relationship. Attached, we take personally all that is said, not said, done and not done. Our ego gets wounded and we are more inclined to those actions that will undermine our very best chances of accomplishing our goals. We can not control the actions of another. We are, however, responsible for our own actions. We are responsible for our own happiness. If we are detached from the actions of another, we can meet anger or indifference with love. Met with love we are in a position to diffuse the situation and transform it in a way that will be in alignment with our goals. On the flipside, detachment allows us to play it cool when we do get a positive reaction from our spouse. It is a way to break the distance/pursuer cycle.

Detachment is not withdrawal. It is not the mind saying, ‘I am not getting what I want so I must pull back.’ It is the natural acceptance that I am alone responsible for how I act. I can not control another person, but I can control how I respond to them.



I for whatever reason seemed to think or believe detachment differently. I also go up and down with everything my W says even if on any other situation, I would not have given it a second thought. I kept thinking detachment was just not caring or giving a damn. I think I need to go read a certain book again, then maybe one more time for good measure.

[789]

I have agreed to go with my W and S to her parents house next weekend, she invited me, and thru IL's found out it was her idea.
We will be having a BBQ next sunday, which is Fathers Day, and happens to also be W's birthday. With everything I have read and learned, I am not suppose to do anything about birthdays and such, so not to look clingy,pushy, etc... I am not sure I completly agree with this tactic, but since I am new I think I should follow most of the advice.

Here is the question, how do I follow these DB'ing rules when I am invited to go out of town, 4 hour drive. It is Father's day and her birthday. If I get her something, it could be wrong and I realize this, but what if she does something for me about Fathers day? Do I just stick with Bday card? Get something not overly expensive but that she would like and use? Do I get pnumonia and just back out of trip?