Suddenly H has become HD and voila in pendulum fasion I am now feeling somewhat LD. After the sudden burst of activity and weekend of HMS X 3, about ten days has elapsed. H has come on to me most days and I have gently resisted. I don't know why. When I say I have gently resisted I just mean that I have not immediately pounced right back at him, but just kind of lay there a little bit passive, wondering where my drive has gone and waiting for him to make some more definite moves. I think I am suffering from what LFL goes through, wanting to be pursued, chased, seduced not just requested. What my H does is the equivalent of a polite request, it does not turn me on so I don't really respond to it.
The other night when this happened he just said "I can tell your tired" and turned over and dozed off. I wasn't tired but I couldn't think of how to say to him that I needed more definite action from him without it sounding like I was calling him a wimp. I think his fear of rejection is very strong, it's like he wants to pretend he didn't really want it - if he just hints and I take up the hints then great, but if he hints and I don't take up the hints he doesn't need to feel like he really meant it so he can get out of feeling rejected. But I don't think it works, each time it is a tiny rejection and it builds up the feelings of being unwanted, misunderstood and uncared for. But he is too scared to face the big full-on outright rejection he thinks he would get if I wasn't in the mood and he committed to a big full-on outright seduction. The fact is that is very unlikely to happen.
I feel a talk coming on. Suggestions would be welcome.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
Sometimes the phrase "I could be persuaded", with a smile, works wonders.
And then maybe, when you're not in a flirty or sexual situation, just say "I like to be persuaded sometimes".
As she explained it to me, a lot of times she has to actually get started before her motor starts running, but once it does, she really gets into it and enjoys it... she just needs a little help getting started. That's what it sounds like you're asking for. You need a little help getting started, but you'd still enjoy and appreciate it.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
Stop making him guess at what you want from him. Men don't read, indeed most don't even comprehend the female mind.
Drop your image, be willing to expose some of the real you to him. Give him a chance to step up instead of worrying that you will scare him off.
Tell him what you like sexually.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
I hear this comment all the time while laying in bed "Are you tired?".
Last night i said, "No, do you want to mess around?". She said "No, I am tired but maybe in the morning some time.". Of course, nothing happened the next moring!
What the heck is that comment all about? Oh well, who can figure out the female brain?
I think I am suffering from what LFL goes through, wanting to be pursued, chased, seduced not just requested. What my H does is the equivalent of a polite request, it does not turn me on so I don't really respond to it.
You too? Sorry about that. It stinks. My H is getting better about it but we've had a few incidences the past couple weeks where he did the "polite" thing and when I didn't give an obvious "green light" he gave up. So I know what you mean about wanting a little more persuasion. If he tried a little harder, he mught have gotten lucky. See, men don't get that (as we have seen from some of the responses). And while I can agree with Nop that we should be more direct, some of the best parts of the whole sexual "act" is the come-on. If women have to make obvious our intentions, than we lose a big part of the act itself I say. Anyone can say "ok, let's have sex." It's too mechanical that way and just not a turn on (as much). LFL
LFL wrote: " If women have to make obvious our intentions, than we lose a big part of the act itself I say. Anyone can say "ok, let's have sex." It's too mechanical that way and just not a turn on (as much)."
Annnk. Hap needs to tell him what she expects from him sexually, but she needs to do it when they are NOT about to have sex. If that is a passionate chase, then she needs to be willing to tell him that is what she wants. She needs to be candid about her sexuality rather than expecting him to "just know". He doesn't know and is unlikely to figure it out on his own.
I wasn't talking about "let's go mess around", but even that is just as passionate for the couple experienced in understanding each others needs.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
What the heck is that? A bird call? oh, a wrong answer, got it. But again, you are seeing it from a MALE perspective. The act will never be as sexually exciting if you have to spell out to a man what steps to take. This is whether or not you are about to have sex or not. I'm not asking H to mind-read. I'm asking him to come up with some of his own tactics and at least be willing to try them out on me without getting my "approval" first. LFL
That's why "I could be persuaded" works. She doesn't have to get too verbal and throw herself completely out of the sexy mindset she's trying to build up, but he still gets a pretty unambiguous statement.
Of course somewhere in there he'll have to really get that coming on to his wife, even if she's not up for it that particular time, isn't going to upset or offend her, and she's not going to "put out" just for his benefit and then resent it.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
LFL wrote: "But again, you are seeing it from a MALE perspective. The act will never be as sexually exciting if you have to spell out to a man what steps to take. This is whether or not you are about to have sex or not. I'm not asking H to mind-read. I'm asking him to come up with some of his own tactics and at least be willing to try them out on me without getting my "approval" first. "
Annnk
What you are telling ME on this forum, is; "I'm asking him to come up with some of his own tactics and at least be willing to try them out on me without getting my "approval" first. ". Exactly what part of that would you not want to tell your husband?
I am talking about general sexuality, not "I want you to rub my clit 30 times while winking your left eye twice at the 15 stroke count". You can tell him that once you get started
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
See, men don't get that (as we have seen from some of the responses). And while I can agree with Nop that we should be more direct, some of the best parts of the whole sexual "act" is the come-on. If women have to make obvious our intentions, than we lose a big part of the act itself I say. Anyone can say "ok, let's have sex." It's too mechanical that way and just not a turn on (as much). 
