About to separate - Any advice

[JohnyRotten]

Hi there everybody,

Just a short question for you all really.

My wife and I about to separate, within the next month or so. We have two children D5 and D2. (You can see my threads on the Newcomers forum if you want more info)

Has anybody got any advice please on how to best cope with this, for us and the children?

Thanks...

[cat03]

Decide to be happy everyday, make a concious desicion to BE happy regardless anything. Claim the day for yourself and refuse to loose yet another day in misery. Work out, if you don't already, do things you normally wouldnt' do, if it is joining a class, taking dancing lessons, anything to put a new spin in your life, do it.
Do be a listening ear when she contacts you but dont' drop everything to tend to her.

When children are not w/you make sure they know everyday that you love them, always keep in touch w/them,specially the oldest.

Hope the separation give you guys some space and she thinks betters about what she is doing, she sounds as depressed as my H was when he was away, feeling worthless and that all was doom and gloom. I suggest you read "Talking to depression" .

[JohnyRotten]

I really hope it does too.

I'm just worried about how serious this relationship is with the OM. She says that she is not prepared to give it up for us as there isn't an us, she says she loves him but that she doesn't know if it's going to last as she doesn't know him.

How can you love someone if you don't know them?

I have started kickboxing which is a great work out, I do it once a week (shortly to be twice) I have lost 49 lbs (22K) in the last three months through diet excercise and stress. Brought new clothes and feel pretty good about myself in general, all with the exception of the sitch!

Starting detatchment big style now, trying not to be as accessable as I have been in the past, not always answering her calls, not always replying to texts.

I think sometimes she is depressed, although about what I don't know. Is it that she can't see him, upset about the marriage break up, what she is doing to the kids? I don't know.

I guess I have to let her figure it out for herself. I still persue even now. I did it last night, can't seem to help myself, but I know I must.

[789]

I just went thru your other thread, she does seem to be rubbing everything in your face, you are pretty darn strong not to blow up, I think I would have by now.
You need to start taking care of yourself, do not let yourself be so available to her and stop persuing. Not sure what to say about her letting the kids being around somebody so soon. I know from my first D, when I was dating my current W, I kept them apart for almost 6 months. My S did know her and vice versa, but as far as he knew she was just someone that was around.

Good luck