Need help with goal related to physical affection

[Dom R]

My wife has really gotten good at this to the point she's readily admitted she won't ask because she doesn't want me to feel like she's taking advantage of me. Generally she'll tell me about something and ask for my advice on how to solve it. What's she's doing is asking if I would consider fixing it and if not how can she get it fixed.

Hmm. well, my behaviour, and my wife's behaviour, are very different, as a comparison.

If I tried to fix something for her, when all she wanted was "advice"... she would feel intruded upon. so I dont try to "do things for her", unless I know she wants me to do it.
If my wife told me she was planning to call a contractor, I would think "well, she doesnt want my help, she's going to call a contractor instead", and i would stay out of it.

I think there's a big difference between being "relationship needy", and "asking for help with your house/..."
I personally think it would be ok to ask directly for help, particularly in a "I know you're good at that sort of thing; would you mind helping me out?" sort of way.

just so long as its not something every week. that's obviously manipulative.


PS: unless your husband is a real fanatic about perfume.. i cant overstate my "really really light" advice. I think it would in some ways be better to just use a nice smelling shampoo or body wash, than be obviously perfumed up for him, unless that's something that you know pushes his happy buttons.

[TreadingWater]

Just wanted to provide an update, in case anyone who helped me is interested... It worked! Goal acheived!

We both were traveling for work over the last couple of weeks, so didn't see each other for over a week. I resisted the urge to call/e-mail, except for one logistical thing we needed to coordinate. I also resisted the urge to make plans when I got home. When I finally did call him, he seemed a little annoyed that I don't "tell him anything anymore". Which isn't really true, but he definnitely noticed that I wasn't calling/emailing. When we did finally see each other (he initiated), he said he missed me. More details in my new thread on Piecing:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1102182

Thanks for everyone who made suggestions. I think the combination of not pursuing and GAL'ing got things going; and the ideas about flirting/sexy clothes are helping keep things going. Now, if I can just keep it up!