I do appreciate any and all advice. I am also leaving a copy of my whole sitch here:
Here is my whole sitch...
I hope to gain more insight as to my W's behavior, her state of mind, whether or not she still cares for me, and why she doesn't want to truly "work" on the M. She is shifting all of the problems of our M onto me, saying I am the one with the issues and not her. She still says it is my fault that she went to OM to "talk to", and I should not be jealous but that my jealousy is creating more problems for us.
OK, this is what has happened since August 2006:
Quick sitch. Prior to the A, I was job searching for 10 weeks, just got out of the navy. Things were tight financially at home, but the bills got paid by some miracle. I started working in July 2006, A started in Aug 2006. I had no clue. Last summer we had some arguments about not enjoying our outings as a family ... my fault AND her fault, but she pointed the finger at only me.
OK, fast forward to after the A, as soon as I found out, it seemed like it stopped. I called OM via our cell phone bill and he gave me a false name ... so did my wife. Then she told me she had feelings for this guy, I lost it, and found the site. Wife freaked out that I found out, but then she tried to "reconcile" and we had the best sex for 2 weeks, and then she started to retreat. This was in Nov. 2006.
During Nov, wife tells me of her idea to bring one of her sisters (SIL) from Mexico, where wife is also from, to the states by marrying someone from here to gain legal status. She tells me she found a friend that will help her, and she said she will pay this friend of hers for doing this "big favor". I objected at first, and knew that my wife was going to do this anyway ... she already had that plan in motion before she told me. That's when I helped her set up an email account (she didn't know how) so she and her "friend" and her sister can communicate ...(she told me she just wanted to get in touch with her sister). I noticed there was a guy's name in her email account that was different than OM's I knew about (the false name). She was open with her emails back then because she was hiding the truth, and I had no idea her "friend" was really the OM. I thought they were 2 different people. Another lie. Eventually I found out the guy's real name from my earlier snooping, and I confronted my wife about it, she denied it of course, and that's when my wife created another email account without my knowledge to specifically talk to the guy and she sends a love letter.
DEC comes, OM sends email to my wife telling her it's "over" between them and that he loves her, etc., and I confront my wife about the OM from the cell phone bill and her friend from helping her sister is one in the same. Wife freaks out again, I show her the emails I printed out the day I was going to CA with my daughter. Wife says "it's over", she takes us to the airport, we hardly spoke at all, and then she hugs me and tells my ILY while my daughter and I were waiting for our flight in the food court......I thought it was really over at that point.
JAN comes, wife tells me that OM is now involved with SIL and wants to meet her, but she also needs to prove that they actually met in order for their marriage to be valid here. My wife then asks me if she can go with OM to Mexico to visit her family and meet SIL. I was furious, untrusting, and about 1000 different emotions running through my mind. She did it anyway, nothing I can do then, I was trying to DB, and just let her do whatever it was she was going to do, and she goes on a trip with OM to another country for 9 days. Wife tells me to trust her everyday before and during the trip. I tried to everyday, but I couldn't. She called me at home once a day, short calls, and she kept saying ILY......Well, she made her trip, and when she came back she was even more distant. I now regret that she went on that trip with OM.
So here were are 5 months later, she and OM are still "friends", and wife's plans to marry OM to her SIL is still on. I am not going to pry into that part of her life as it is her own mess, but my fear is that OM will marry SIL anyway, and he will then become my BIL. Twist: SIL is also pregnant from another man over there, but my wife suspects it could be OM's child also. Even if it is from someone else and not OM.....I am questioning why OM is still eager to marry her like this....(something is not right here).
So that's the background to my sitch and what my wife thinks is a good idea about helping her sister by using OM she was with. I know she has lots of serious issues she doesn't want to address – and it is taking a toll. We have a house, new cars, and other bills and I think about my daughter's future and well being everyday. I also worry about my wife, and how "depressed" or "disturbed" she may really be deep down, but we can never know unless she starts getting help.
I have my counseling appt on June 18. W will not go, but I will be there, and I will tell all.
Tom, I will keep you posted on the legal stuff.....
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
This sounds very familiar. W went to Mexico with her daughter (18 Yr.), sister and mother Mem. Day weekend. I knew something was up almost immediately. I start snooping around and sure enough she had a "friend" that she met at the resort and had sex with, referenced it pretty explicitly in emails. The worst part is last weekend (June 1) was our 5th Anniv. during the time she's with me, she's emailing him from her cell ph. THEN to top it off, she sends him pics of her that I TOOK on our weekend! I find out and she freaks that I was "snooping". I don't know if there's anything left to salvage. Over the 5 years I've realized that she has many issues she needs to deal with, RE: relationships with her parents (both D & A abusers) and just her past, she appears to me to be bi-polar but I'm not an expert. She refuses to go to counseling with me, saying it's my problem not hers and she still denies having had a physical relationship with this guy in spite of the email evidence. I'm not sure what to do but I'm looking into D.
I'm sorry you're dealing with so much drama. Any fun plans for you?