Pretty Much Done

[built4speed]

Well, here we are. I have about 11 hours until she goes to the judge and pulls the trigger. Our family (my family) will be gone.

I'm sadder about this than I expected. It's been going on for so long (over three years since the trouble began, and over a year since she went to the atty), that I figured this would be less of an "event" for me. But it is.

W and the kids had a session with the family counselor tonight, but the kids said W took the entire session, and the kids didn't go in, or had a very short time with the C. They said they could even hear W through the door, with the music on in the waiting room. W must be having a bad time of it. Well, it's self-inflicted.

She has been depressed and asking for assurance from me that "everything will be alright." I haven't been giving it. She thinks I'm cold-hearted. Well, after the complete lack of caring coming my way the past few years, I'm not sure what she expects from me. I'm not really in the mood to comfort her after she destroys my family. If that is cold-hearted, I plead guilty.

[StupidRomeo2]

B4SPD, we have no control over anyone else but ourselves. You did everything in your power to save this marriage, 3 years is a looong time and in that time if she still didn't turn around then you deserve a lot better. You deserve someone that appreciates your sacrifices. Just look out for yourself and the kids.

You're right, she wants this so bad then she should have it. Why does she need assurance from you? but then again after reading your posts for the last year or so and reading about her flip flopping all the time I'm not completely surprised.

I'll be following your foot-steps in the near future...she's pushing for the divorce.

[built4speed]

Well, that's it. I'm divorced.

It was a much harder day than I thought it would be. It's up from here on out.

She went to court with the attys and I didn't. I didn't hear it was final until W called after noon to ask how to change some passwords.

So, that's done. What next?

Well, I signed up for an Internet dating class. I promised myself that I wouldn't do any dating until after I have the class, which is in December. So I'll get some time to grieve and unpack! And to get my budget (which is a complete crash-and-burn) into better shape. I went from $80k in saving to $5k, and the attys will get some of that.

That said, I have two women who are circling. One is not really serious, but is very nice. She's fun to flirt with. We might go out this weekend, just friends. The other is starting to get very serious about hooking up (if you know what I mean - and she is not subtle, she's really lathered up) but I doubt her husband would approve. I mentioned that and she said she didn't care. They are having marriage troubles. That's all I need, to be the OM! Ha!

[StupidRomeo2]

I'm sorry especially about the savings. That's my concern, I have a lot of it plus my 401k ROTH etc. She didn't bring anything into the marriage nor did she ever contributed to the savings. If anything I always paid off her debt (old credit cards, student loans etc) as well as just giving her money every other month because she'd run out. I did it all because I thought of us as one but now that I look back I was a stupid fool...ugh! what an idiot I am.

B4SPD, at least you've made it to the other side and its done and over with. You're very level headed and a smart guy you'll be fine and with your dating class and some pomade you'll be all set to go fishing! lol

[built4speed]

So, I had an interesting night. Went to a singles party hosted by one of the popular dating websites. Over 100 people were scheduled to attend. Looked like a fun time, but I've been divorced like 100 hours, so I'm not really looking for anyone, just seeing what's out there.

When I arrived, which was quite early (the band was still doing their sound checks) the most notable item was the weight of the participants. I mean fat. Both the women and the men. It was really astounding. I have been hanging with my running club (for too long, apparently) and no one looks like that . And then I noticed the vast majority were smokers. If this is the norm, I am so totally screwed.

It was difficult to figure out who was with whom. It seemed that people would group up or couple up, sort of guarding their "territory", if you will. I was off to the side sort of watching the door for newcomers. One gal who was more normal-sized gave me a smile, but was clearly there with someone. After a few minutes I saw her walk by again and tell her guy friend to go mingle and came right up to me and introduced herself! Wow, the nicest one came right up to me.

We had a great time talking and sharing our lives (told her I was D for 106 hours!). She was there just with her neighbor who had talked her into going with him, she was not on the dating site. She said this (smokers, etc) is the typical type of person who frequents these type of sites (at least this particular free one) and that is why she is not on them.

Anyway, long story short, as it was time to go, she got out her notepad and asked for my number! We exchanged them, and though I told her I was not going to be dating anyone until next year, she said we can still "hang out", which had a very interesting sound to it.

And to add a bizarre twist to the week, ex-W ask me to come over for dinner tonght ( I turned her down - I was going out). She said she is lonely. Yeah. Or as D14 would say: Duh!

[attorneytom]

Hmm.. something tells me this will be ( the next few months) a rather interesting and strange time for you !

Me too I suppose...15 days and not really counting..

Tom

[jackw]

Fat smokers!! Can't wait to get out there

A buddy of mine is in running club and actually met his current girl friend in the club. He has been telling me I should join and your post my have been enough to put me over the top and join!

Your 14 year old is very wise young lady...

I've followed your sitch for the past year and think you have been incredibly decent (to W) and very strong. I wish you much happiness in the future.

Peace,

Jack

[built4speed]

Left a message for the gal from the other night and got a text 12 hours later that she owes me a call. I guess I don't understand the protocol for this, I would have expected her to actually call. Must have been busy (I know she was Sunday). A bit disappointing, but oh, well.

Got invited over to W's again for dinner, she wanted help figuring out some tax stuff related to the D. Her not figuring it out will delay some of the cash she owes me, so I helped her out and got a free dinner out of the deal. She even offered to advance me $3k on the final payout so I can buy a TV, among other things. We discussed our finances. We are both so screwed it's beyond belief. We are wondering what couples that don't make the fairly large income between them do. I guess it's all relative. I can cover the expenses if I don't get too crazy, but nothing for a car fund, retirement, etc, all the stuff we used to do easily. This part really sucks. D14 is finding the "infinite" supply of cash is indeed finite. It's a shock to all of us. I need a raise!!!

I might need to stick to the running club, but other D guys have pretty much gone through all of the D gals. I'm not sure I want to follow their path, if you know what I mean.

One amusing note: W is going to be redoing her will, and the only person she can put as the trustee is me! None of her family can do it, she has no friends close enough to ask, and since it's really just adminstering the kids college fund, I'm her guy. I said to her Yippee!, I'll get it all back! We laughed about it, but it's sad that after all the crap she put me through, including D-ing me, I'm still the most trustworthy and reliable person she knows (she said it).

[mkultra]

So basically it is like you are still her H through all of it! Jeez, divorce is really stupid when you look at it.

Do you think dating others will get your ex wife to pursue you?

[built4speed]

Totally. The debate will be whether pride can beat jealousy and the realization that she messed up.