B4S, I never thought W would use the boys either. OC, I never thought I'd be here in the first place. But yes, that has become W new tactic and it's killing me. W has always been good at pointing blame, or making accusations at other people, mainly me. W was also great @ playing the martyr card. Yet, she is the one who is usually guilty of the accusations. W would always tell me she was afraid I was going to leave her no matter how committed I told her I was. But she's the one leaving. W keeps telling her L and C that she's afraid of me. . . that I'm going to harm her. She's the one who has attacked me on several occasions. I've never touched her. Only tried to restrain her when she's attacked me. She would accuse me of intending on being cruel and hurtful during the D. She's the one who has used the kids to manipulate. W accused me and my Ps of trying to turn Ss against her by spoiling them. Nothing has changed in my R or my Ps R w/ Ss from now to before all of this crap. Yet she's going out right now and buying them toys and gifts that she was always against before or would be upset if I brought them up. (i.e. another PS2 for S8. The really funny part is she doesn't even have a TV in her apt. yet ). The really ironic and sad part, she has no furniture in the apt except her futon bed, bunk beds for the boys and a used folding table for a kitchen table. No chairs, no sofa. When she moved out of our house she raided the freezer and fridge for food. The cabinets for TP and cleaning supplies. She wonders why I would sometimes say her priorities were a little mixed up.
Just trying to get things out of my head. Current circumstances starting to take their toll on me and the boys. Boys have been w/ me for the last couple of days. S8 had a ball game last night, I coach his team. The boys and I headed to the ballpark just like we always would. W shows up just before game time. She hasn't seen her boys in 2 days, but she's more interested in catching up w/ the other mom's. Occasionally W would play w/ S3. S8, other than saying "hi" didn't acknowledge her too much. But things are really tearing him up. S8 had a couple of things go wrong during the game. He's normally the most reliable hitter on the team. He struck out twice and popped-up once. Normally this wouldn't be an issue. Each time he would s/o he'd lose it on the way back into the dugout. After the game he & I had to sit off to the side for about 20 mins. for him to settle down. As the boys and I are leaving the ball park W is walking out to her van to leave. S3 sees this and starts screaming for Mommy, balling and freaking out. Took me 15 mins to calm him down. What the boys are going through is killing me. After I got S3 calmed down were driving home and S8 can tell I'm upset & sad and he telling me "It'll be ok". There's nothing I can do but try to comfort them.
S8 has been asking me about some of the things W has told them. He keeps saying she is lying to them. I keep trying to tell him she's not lying, he may just not be understanding what she is meaning. He knows better and it hurts to keep telling him he's wrong about something, but I don't want him thinking his M is a lier. I offered to have the kids stay w/ her tonight thru Sunday am. Wife tells me she's got things going on; happy-hours, comm. volunteer work. Maybe she can take them next weekend.
My L finally called her L. We've had enough of W saying she's going to take the kids when ever she wants. My L also recommending mediation for a temporary custody settlement until things are finalized. I here the sucking sound out of my bank account. Turns out W has been telling her L that she fears for her safety. W's L brings this up in the tele-con. Somehow I guess W forgot that she's the one that's been physically abusive and attacked me on several occasions; she's the one that's been suicidal and has cut herself before.
Bad night last night. Ss went to W's apt. They're staying there for the next few days. S8 didn't want to go. He was very upset. I suggested to W to let him stay another night w/ me, but she wouldn't go for it. S8 was crying as they left. I called him a little later to see how he was doing. Not much better. Still very sad. I've got a C appt. for him next week. He's going to need a lot of help. S3 was excited to see his M. I'm glad. I know the roles will be reversed when it's time to come back to my house.
The house was very quiet and lonely. Tried to GAL. I needed to get out of the house. Met a buddy for a few beers. It didn't help a whole lot. When I got home the quietness was still there. Same thing this morning. No noise in the house. No kids running around. Didn't have to fix anyone breakfast. Even the dogs were quiet. They're not quite sure what's going on either. They keep looking for W. All 3 of them are following me around like their on a leash.
Not able to concentrate a whole lot right now. I have a feeling today is going to be very unproductive.
It's been awhile. Things have continued on a very painful course. W is playing more and more games w/ Ss. Last wk after W p/u Ss from GP's house, S8 was very upset about having to go w/ W. He was crying the whole time she was trying to get him into the van. My M told me he was crying the whole time they were driving away. I called S8 about 45min later. I wanted to see how he was doing. W told me I was infringing on her time w/ boys. That Friday night S8 had a baseball game. He & I have been trying to get out to a sporting goods store to p/u him up a new batting helmet. I called W to ask if it were ok to take him before the game. Also wanted to go to batting cages to warm-up on the way to the game. This is something I have always done w/ him. She tells me I can get him the batting helmet on Sunday on my time and she's taking him to the game. I wouldn't be able to do those things b/c its her time w/ the boys. S8 was hurt. He knows he & I go to the batting cages on the way to games. I could tell everything was bothering him again. He's normally so excited about playing baseball. He normally has so much passion to play. Now, he just goes through the motions.
The plans W had for Saturday stayed as is. W ended up taking Ss w/ her. S8 told me it was really boring. He wished he could have stayed w/ me. I wish they could have too. When I got the Ss back Sunday morning we went to a MLB game. The boys and I had a great time. It was only the 2nd or 3rd game we'd gotten to go to this season. Ss looked happy for a while. Afterwards we went to a N's highschool graduation party. S8 loves his cousin, "C18". C18, and his friends, always pays alot of attention to Ss when there around. They all tried to keep S8 busy and cheerful. After awhile I looked out & S8 has walked away from group and is sitting on a patio bench around the corner, crying. When I walked out to see him and told me he just wanted to be alone. This hurts so bad! I can't do anything to help him!. I keep telling him I love and want to help him and that he & S3 are the most important things to me, but it's not what he wants to hear. He wants to hear his M and I are getting back together. I know it's not going to happen. It's so sad. S8 cries at anything now, socks don't match, can't find his favorite shirt, doesn't get a hit, misses a ground ball.
I've been trying to S8 and S3 to call their M every night before bed, even sometimes when we get home @ the end of our day. S8 doesn't want to. I want them to stay in touch w/ W, but I don't want to force them.
S8 had his 1st C appt on Tues. He didn't want to go. He got pretty upset when I took him. I had sent W and e-mail that morning confirming she was picking up S3 from daycare while I was taking S8 to C and to find out if she wanted to have the boys for the next couple of nights. She called me at the end of the day to confirm and said o/c course she would p/u S3 and also wanted to have the boys. Btwn the e-mail and the phone call I found out I had tickets to another baseball game. W called at the end of the day and I told her that S8 & I were thinking about going to the baseball game after C appt, but it was up to S8. We talked a little about not wanting to split the boys up and that we'd have to decide whether it would be ok or maybe wait another day for them to go to her apt. It would depend on what S8 would want to do. I would call her after C appt. to finalize. I called W after C appt. to let her know S8 had decided he wanted to go. W answers w/ "then you need to get a sitter for S3. I've got plans." Needless to say, it got a little heated. W hadn't bothered to tell me she was thinking about doing something. If I had known I wouldn't have said anything to S8 about the game. After a pretty heated exchange I told W I'd make arrangements for S8 to go to game w/ GPs and I'd come back to get S3. About half way home S8 is saying he doesn't understand why W is not wanting spend time w/ S3 and he doesn't know why M won't let us go to the game. After seeing the look on S8 and hearing his voice, I called W up told she was going to have watch S3. She'd said she wanted them 2 hrs before and she just wasn't going to back on @ the last minute. That if she had plans she should have said something when we first discussed it. I wasn't going to tell S8 that we couldn't go to the game b/c she'd changed her mind in 2 hrs. W starts telling me "this is not going always be for my convenience" I had to remind her it has nothing to do w/ me or her, it's about the Ss. W tells me she going just have to S3 know that D doesn't want to pick him up now. I told her, "No, I'll just pick him up after the game." S8 had another great time. He was smiling and laughing and cheering. It was nice to see him get excited and smile again. After the game S8 drove to W's appt and p'd/u S3. The first thing he asks me is, "why wouldn't you come pick me up for the game." I told him that I've got all of our tickets for Thursday and that S3, S8 and I can go. He got all excited and got a big smile on his face. He likes to be like his big bro. He starting to get into sports too.
This is real nice. W trying to convince S3 that I don't want him. First she tell Ss that I'm not going to let her see them. Now she's telling them I don't want them. It's becoming harder & harder to stay civil around her.
Wednesday, W and I talk and I ask her if she would like to have the boys stay @ her apt for a couple of days. I reminded her about me offering to take the boys to the game on Thursday and responds that that won't work now b/c it would be interfering w/ her time. I mentioned that I wasn't planning on keeping the for the night, but since I'd already offered, it be nice if she'd let them go for a couple of hrs. W is always concerned about her, her time, her plans. This is the next 45 mins of conv. go. I told her maybe she should try work on getting S8 to not resent her. That if she keeps forcing him to do everything she now wants instead of things he's always been doing and that he thoroughly enjoyed it's only going to make him resent her more. Maybe she should let him have some input on certain things in his life since the rest of it has pretty well been decided for him, and not to pleasant of a plan. The whole conversation W sounded like she'd been trampled. When I asked her what was wrong she said she'd not been sleeping b/c of too much stress and she hadn't been feeling good. WTH! She puts everyone through emotional hell, destroys the family and now wants sympathy b/c she doesn't feel good and is under too much stress. Hhaahh!! Now that's a laugh. W tells me she'll offer to Ss Thursday on the way home, about the game. Meanwhile, W takes day off and goes out buys a new LCD TV and when she picks Ss up offers to let them go buy movies and watch that night on the new TV. Three months ago, W would have never agreed to let Ss watch a movie in the middle of the week. W only wanted them watching them on w/e. Ss decide to skip ball game and stay @ home w/ W to watch movies. I was really looking forward to taking them to the game, but that's not what really matters. If that's what made them happy, that what I need to think about.
Just got some correspondence from L. My counter petition and answer are drafted. She wants me to look them over to make sure I agree w/ everything. We'll be going over the parenting plan soon.
Sometimes I really wish I could keep Ss away from W. She has hurt them so much. But I don't want them to have to pay any more for her selfishness than they already have. They're already hurting. Other times I want them to spend as much time as they can w/ her. I don't want them growing up resenting her. I just don't want to push them into something that they'll later resent me for either.
I'm picking Ss up this evening. I've got them for the w/e. Looking forward to spending it w/ them. S8 has a baseball game Sunday. I can't think of a nicer Father's day gift than to watch one of my Ss play baseball.
). The really ironic and sad part, she has no furniture in the apt except her futon bed, bunk beds for the boys and a used folding table for a kitchen table. No chairs, no sofa. When she moved out of our house she raided the freezer and fridge for food. The cabinets for TP and cleaning supplies. She wonders why I would sometimes say her priorities were a little mixed up. 
