I found this site and like many here I began to read and read and occasionally post. I followed the DB principles with regards to my WAW and feel good about myself. This year of seperation has been the most difficult thing I have ever gone through, and yet I handled it with diginity and respect for everyone involved. I never called my wife after 8 or 9 PM and certainly never if I had been drinking. I remained pleasent and cheerful in hopes of getting her back. Now though, I have to admit that I love her very much but I am ready to move on with my life. I am not waiting anymore. I have presented the GAL front to my wife, but had not always believed I had achieved that until this past weekend. I don't know what happened to change my mind but it did. I was served with papers last week and sent them to my lawyers office. He called me back and told me that everything was fine, except for one thing. My wife filed to early he said. I was told that she has to wait a year and a day to file and my wife had waited only 10 months at the time. He asked me "What the hell is wrong with her?" He knows the details of my situation. He knows that she told me she wanted a smaller house when we split. He knows that she bought a house bigger than the one we both lived in together. He also knows that she told me she wanted to time alone after the sep was complete, but that admitted to being in a relationship less than a week later. He also knows that those seperation papers were signed on the day of my grandmothers funeral. I came home in a suit and there was my loving wife...flip flops, tank top and shorts on with papers in hand. So there I sat in the local bank getting my seperation papers notarized in disbelief. My lawyer knows all these things as do I, but for some reason it didn't click with me until this weekend. She responded to my lawyers letter to her by calling me. I am not sure what was in the letter he sent her but she wants to talk about it. Probably to tell me that my lawyer is wrong. Either way I don't care. I assume my lawyer told her that will need to refile at the correct time, but that I am also not contesting the D. I will do my best to remain polite and courteous, and I guess tell her that my lawyer is handling the details of this matter. Any thoughts before I call her back?
She called me this morning and told me that it was not needed for me to send the papers to my lawyer. I should have just signed them and left it at that. I passed the buck b/c I didn't want her mad at me. I told her my lawyer was handling everything, but told her I was there for her if she needed anything. She sounds so down and depressed. As Homer McDonald from "Stop your divorce" said, if you really want divorce you should be happy. Her issues will resurface after she realizes I was only a scapegoat for her own issues. I'm just venting and I stil feel good. I did all I could do to save this marriage.
I'm sorry to hear that you are getting divorced, but it sounds like you found the inner peace that you were searching for. I am currently struggling with a 6 month separation from my h because he up and left me for ow. He has changed a lot in the last two months and is starting to come around, but I think that it is going to take him too long and I am tired of waiting. My patience is wearing thin.
Did your wife ever show remorse and talk about coming back, or has she been 100% for the D since the beginning? My h actually had D papers drawn up in January, but hasn't proceeded with the D since then. My h is remorseful, talks about coming home, and actually made an appt to see a C. I see these as positive steps, but I just don't know how long to wait. Just wanted your insight.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
My wife left and never talked of coming back. I know there is another person involved. Also involved in my case was a recently divorced best friend of hers, and a comment her mother made to me less than 24 hours after she left. I called her parents, and thanked them for their support in the past, and asked for the support as we go to through this seperation. I told her parents that I believed (and still do) that this time could make us stronger. She said they would support us and that marriages take work, but if it can't be worked out, she hoped we could disolve the marriage peacefully. Ouch...less than 24 hours and I had a great relationship with her parents. I was even thinking that was than, but her support system was. It is my belief that when she figures out that she is responsible for a lot of her own issues, she will look back at this time, and regret that she didn't take the time to work our marriage. But I also believe that time likely won't come for some time. Probably after her next marriage disolves. As for my thoughts for you?...You have no children, and he seems to be on the fence. I would take that as a positive sign. I would also use the GAL strategy. Make yourself unavailable. ALways be pleasent, but not a doormat. Homer McDonald would tell you to get out and date if possible, and to do it publicly. And only you will know when you have given enought to making it work.
I think part of my peace right now comes from knowing that I did all I could do. 6 sessions here with telephone counselors, 3 with Homer McDonald, countless books I have read. I followed the advice b/c I believed in it. Therefore I truly believe I have done all I can do. I feel confident again. For the last 11 months, every breath I take I feel the weight of my sepration. The frustration with knowing that there are ways to save the marriage.As for my wife, I feel she should be embarrassed with how she handled this. Refusing to answer phone calls, lying about affair, filing for D 2 months too early, and than being upset at me for having an attorney review the papers. Please keeop me up date with your sit. I will check back often and hope to hear from you. Good luck, and I'll be thinking good thoughts for you.
