The new thread title reflects my new attitude. This whole divorce thing is a HUGE test of my faith and patience and ultimately will help repair and build my character. And with improved character comes increased faith and patience. I know God has a plan for my family, I know there are great things for us to do together, and I know he doesn't want us breaking up.
With that, enjoy the new thread
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
It's now been 10 days since the meeting and not a PEEP out of the W. It's actually getting easier and easier not to worry about it. She's still on my mind but just as the loving person I married. So, as mentioned in the last thread, I'm leaving the option open to her to reconcile, but I'm not waiting on her anymore. Waiting is a huge waste of time and I don't focus enough on the other things I'm doing in my life.
The weekend with S4 was awesome as always. He actually talked to my mom about "Mommy, Daddy, himself, and our kitty all being back together again." And he told her, "Daddy will be coming home with us soon." He hasn't said those things to anyone but my and W before today. I know he doesn't fully understand what's going on, but hopefully he has some insights.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
The weekend with S4 was awesome as always. He actually talked to my mom about "Mommy, Daddy, himself, and our kitty all being back together again." And he told her, "Daddy will be coming home with us soon." He hasn't said those things to anyone but my and W before today. I know he doesn't fully understand what's going on, but hopefully he has some insights.
Whoa! That almost brought a tear to my eye. I bought D3 an Elmo cartoon and how ironic, one of the episodes talks about families! Back to your S4's comment. I picked up D3 yesterday morning and the first thing out of her mouth when we got into the car was, "Daddy, I asked mommy if she loves you and she said, yeah". D3 was all happy. I didn't want to probe, so I changed the subject and asked her what she wanted to do today. I was feeling like I was on cloud 9..lol.. When I talk to D3 on the phone she is always saying that she misses me. I know that W is right there because D3 talks to her too at the same time...I know that I'll be home soon, I am getting a little impatient.
JR, I know it is tough, just do the best you can to keep busy and don't obsess. I know that you are probably a great father to your son. Keep making the most of your times with him and your wife will start to appreciate what you are doing for him and try your best to give her space. No pressure.
Yeah, the tough part is not being able to talk to or see my wife at all unless she decides she wants to.
It also makes it a little easier, surprisingly enough, as I don't have to even think about trying to control thr situation. I can't control it, I don't NEED to control it, and even if I tried my W would bolt.
I'm guessing I'll hear something this week. Hopefully, just not from the lawyers.
I start a killer new job tomorrow that will solve a lot of our financial issues (a biggie for her). I can get insurance for all three of us. I asked, through her sister, if she wanted me to put her and S4 on my insurance, the response back was, "we'll figure that out..." But I know it's a big deal to her and I have a little time before I have to decide on all that.
Anyway, here's to patience and faith and improved character. The Lord promises not to make us run faster than we can bear, and I know I'm doing OK bearing this, so it's bound to get worse before it gets better. I'm ready.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
The problem is not being able to see her. What is her mood, how are her actions. Words don't mean crap right now, from either of us. But if I could see her, let's even say once a week, I could at least tell the direction she's going.
She says she's just moving forward with the D, but there is no action. When we met, I saw the love and connection with me in her eyes. Her lips say one thing, her eyes and body language say another.
It does set me up for a lot of speculation, but I'm working on getting rid of that. My thoughts are generally positive about her. I imagine new family pictures this summer with the 3 of us smiling and happy again. I think of us together and working as partners for a successful M/R. I think of us raising S4 in a manner that he has EVERY chance for success in his own life, including knowing that his dad love his mom, and ultimately how to treat a woman. I have to teach him that, and I've failed miserably so far. I relish the chance to make up for all that.
Anyway. No news is good news for now I guess.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
I just got an idea. How about I don't take any communications from her lawyer, or anyone else regarding this situation until she drops the Protective Order. NOTHING will get done. I see two possible outcomes:
1) She realizes it's completely unnecessary to have the PO and drops it in an effort to actually open communication. I am not a threat to her or anyone else. Well, maybe a threat to her misconception that I'm bad for her or something.
-or-
2) She thinks I'm trying to control the situation, gets pissed and we fall deeper into WAW hell. I know that's not optimal but something needs to move in this situation. We'll see what she comes up with this week.
Since it's 50/50 I need to think about it. My faith is strong, but faith without works is dead. I don't need to control, but I do want to see some change in the situation and in HER as well. I can't be doing all the work or getting back in the house would be as bad as before. I'm shooting for "better than we ever could have imagined!"
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
Well, that may have been too strong a word. But you're on the right track.
I don't HAVE to agree with, respond to favorably, or go along with any step taken in this divorce. Will it get incredibly expensive? Yep. But how much is my M worth? It's priceless.
And I have to stand up for the M, or no one else will. I have to stand up to my W so she knows I'll stand up FOR her.
I have to let the lawyers know that they are not going to steamroll this into divorce, so they can move on to the next case.
I will work on things WITH my W as a partner.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
