AndyV M38 W36 D7 M 13 years Together 17 years W wants D mid Dec 06 (ring off) W wants separation early Jan 07 (she backdated to Oct 06) EA revealed end March 07 (Nov 06 W first meeting with OM) Hallmark moment "I care for you but am no longer in love with you."
My W is on an extreme downer today after my great night last night.
She has spent the day with her best friend (who came to the Aust/Uruguay with me and friends).
When she got home with FBF and DD, she started spewing about all the pepperoni packets in the fridge (she loves her pepperoni and cheese toasted turkish rolls). Every time I do any shopping, I pick up a packet (for her).
She embarrassed herself in front of her FBF by having a hissy fit (which I ignored and walked into my office).
I am cooking dinner for us all tonight, including FBF (as she loves my cooking, and is also one of my biggest supporters, regardless of her being my W's post MLC new FBF).
W and FBF have stepped out to clean their cars at the local self-wash (a Sunday ritual). DD and I are getting dinner ready.
I am pretty certain that BF told W all about last night. My friends and her hit it off really well, and she kept commenting on what a great night she had.
After the soccer we had a feed (over 60 international food stalls outside the stadium), then had a few drinks at a live concert nearby, ended up dropping BF at her house after midnight.
I also feel pretty good about my sitch, and feel that I am really starting to fully detach emotionally from her. I find that for the first time, my W is starting to turn me off with the things she says and does (not turning off enough to give up), but just enough to make me realise that I really can move on without her if it comes to it.
Last edited by andyv; 06/03/0707:40 AM.
AndyV M38 W36 D7 M 13 years Together 17 years W wants D mid Dec 06 (ring off) W wants separation early Jan 07 (she backdated to Oct 06) EA revealed end March 07 (Nov 06 W first meeting with OM) Hallmark moment "I care for you but am no longer in love with you."
Hey andyv..locked up the first one. Great to hear things are going for ya.
Me can't talk much now. I'm in the hotel room. everyone else is sleeping. Yesterday did'nt go to well. nothing bad just not very well. today is the amusm park. I think her feeling for me have dried up
husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Hey andyv..locked up the first one. Great to hear things are going for ya.
Me can't talk much now. I'm in the hotel room. everyone else is sleeping. Yesterday did'nt go to well. nothing bad just not very well. today is the amusm park. I think her feeling for me have dried up
husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
get into a PMA this morning. try not to watch your wife so closely for indications of her feelings at the amusement park. Focus on your kid and have a good time, happyness is infectious.
When she got home with FBF and DD, she started spewing about all the pepperoni packets in the fridge (she loves her pepperoni and cheese toasted turkish rolls). Every time I do any shopping, I pick up a packet (for her).
She embarrassed herself in front of her FBF by having a hissy fit (which I ignored and walked into my office).
Andy, glad things went so well for you at the match. Sounds like everyone had quite a bit of very much needed fun.
BUT...... I think you may have missed an opportunity to put in place some DB and Superior Man tactics. You seem to be understanding the DB stuff, but as you can see from the excerpts of David Deida's "The Way of the Superior Man" I sent you, there are two ways to approach her spew. Take a look at my thread link below and read what one of the forum masters wrote to me in response to some questions I had for him. Essentially, I was stating that the principles of DB and Superior Man are opposing forces, and that I was conufused. He explained brilliantly that no, they are not opposed, but complementary. It just depends on the situation in which you find yourselfe. A "Superior Man" would have actually embraced you wive's spew because it was just about day to day stuff. I mean, come on! Spewing about pepperoni? I've done that too, but only after pepperoni pizza and 22 beers, and that's a different kind of spew!
"Superior Man" says to "stay with her intensity - to a point", as follows:
a mediocre man wants to calm her down and discuss it, or leave and come back later when she is "sane." A superior man penetrates her mood with imperturbable love and unwavering consciousness. If she still refuses to live more fully in love, after a time, he lets her go.
Frank_d tells me in his post in my thread that the "point" to focus on is what is the spew about? If it is an abusive spew directed at YOU, then use DB, tell her it's unacceptable, and walk away if it does not cease. If it is about day-to-day bulls***, you know, like freakin' pepperoni packets, then use the Superior Man practices. Tell her she's cute when she's like this, be as silly as her, that sort of stuff. Look in the pdf I sent you, it's chapter 21.
Also see the link below for what Frank actually said, you may find it insightful.
Me: 39 WAW: 40 S10, D7, S6 Bomb #1 - 12-24-06: Move out (ILYBNILWY - admitted '05 PA) Move back: 3-2-07 (W: I still want to be married to you) Bomb # 2 - 4-11-07: (W: Can't do this - never loved you) Move out again: 4-29-07 Dark: 6-8-07
I concur with DNQ, just keep a positve PMA Husband and don't worry about the W.
DNQ,
I have started reading "How to be attractive to Women", do u reckon I should have started with "Superior Man"?
I left her to spew about the pepperoni because It was not really directed at anyone. I understand what you are saying about the SM and DB approaches to each, but I feel at the time it was the right thing to do. She was spewing as she was organising the groceries inside the fridge (re-arranging things). Her best friend was sitting in the kitchen as well, and we both had a chuckle as I left.
But I understand where you are coming from.
I have always been a SM in our relationship, and my W has brought this up as being too controlling. With DBing, you are sort of damned if you do and damned if you don't.
AndyV M38 W36 D7 M 13 years Together 17 years W wants D mid Dec 06 (ring off) W wants separation early Jan 07 (she backdated to Oct 06) EA revealed end March 07 (Nov 06 W first meeting with OM) Hallmark moment "I care for you but am no longer in love with you."
I only recieved the second part of Superior Man (from chapter 16).
Would you be able to email the first.
Thanks again for the info, I really do appreciate it. AndyV
AndyV M38 W36 D7 M 13 years Together 17 years W wants D mid Dec 06 (ring off) W wants separation early Jan 07 (she backdated to Oct 06) EA revealed end March 07 (Nov 06 W first meeting with OM) Hallmark moment "I care for you but am no longer in love with you."
Unfortunatly, the only part of the SM book I had I sent you. I had to go to the bookstore and buy the "full" version. Well worth it so far. I'm not done with it yet, mostly because it is slow reading for me since I take notes, actually re-write some of the passages in their entirety so they sink in, and read many parts several times until I think I understand it.
If the bookstores Down Under don't have it, you should have no problem finding it onlilne. I just checked, there are 13 copies available on ebay.
