I am new here and really do not know my way around yet. I am dealing with another affair my husband is having. We have been married a long time and 9 years ago I could have been one of the "success" stories. We worked through the 2nd affair and he was great. It lasted a long time, but he is at it again. I am really tired and feel desperate because I know I don't have the stamina to fight through this one. I have dedicated my life to my family and put my heart and soul into this relationship. It is as if he has been abducted from the house and I am left with a surly cold replacement. He started out by accusing me and I believe this is the way he gave himself permission to start up again. Any advice would be appreciated.
My friend pretty much experienced part of what you did. He kept accusing her of having an affair with all sorts of people --- including a priest. But she never suspected him of having an affair, and up to the time she left, she never knew if he did.
If you're struggling with affair number 3...maybe it's time you start thinking of moving out, and moving on.
I think you're familiar with the saying: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
My children are grown and I thought all the other stuff was behind us. Yes unfortunately he has been unfaithful 2 different times. It is nice to meet you too.
Thank you for the advice Nara. I think you may be right. I wish I had just moved on with my life the first time I went through this. He went for many years between each affair. I thought after the first time he would never do it again and unfortunately I think many other women hope for the best only to have their heart ripped out again years later.. Again thanks for the advice.
I'm kind of going through the same things, emotions, etc. My H had one EA years ago when our first child was not even 2. I think it was partly physical, maybe w/o sex. Then he had a one-night stand. He told me about both of these things when I was on maternity leave w/ #2 son. Then this past January he dropped the D bomb and a few months later confessed to another EA.
We are "back together" now, however, he is deployed for a year so we're now in a long-distance marriage w/ 3 little ones ages 7 down to 1.
I'm going through the "how can I respect myself" but I want to keep my family together and do what I feel is "right." How will I ever look at him the same? How will I ever learn to trust him again whether I truly have "forgiven" or not.
I'm going to start IC next week just to figure out how to get past this stuff.
Bottom line is that you need to decide what you want to do. If you want to stand for your M or not. If you can get past this last A or not. If you want to, you need to read Divorce Remedy and start DB'ing. Instantly! It's the only way to go.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Yes, it is easy to tell someone to leave, but I understand the desire to keep a family together and how difficult it is to have small children involved. Thank you for the advice sweetheart. I have friends who say "I would never take that off of any man", and they don't know about what their husbands have been doing behind their backs while they give the advice. It is all so difficult and depressing. I wish and pray the very best for you.
Well, "way back when," my motto was "you cheat, you're gone," but you never, never honestly know how you will react until you are actually in a sitch.
Sometimes I wonder myself why I stuck around this last time. Part of me feels weak at times b/c I think I was afraid to be "alone," but part of me also knows I was doing what I feel is right in trying to keep my family together for the boys.
I've seen first-hand how just H leaving for his deployment has affected the boys. I can't imagine what H moving out to D would do; hopefully I won't ever have to know.
I'm just down right now b/c this long-distance is hard. I'm not too concerned about him cheating again, because I KNOW for a fact that I would tell him to walk and not hesitate if he does it again. I know I will be strong enough, but the kind of "growing apart" that happens when separated sure isn't giving me any sense of reassurance that we will be ok. Like I said, he's being really loving and says how much he misses us, etc., but it's still hard. Especially when I still feel like I'm putting in all the effort & work.
Sorry, didn't mean to hijack your thread w/ my moaning & groaning.
Honestly, this is such a hard thing and no one but those of us who have gone through it understand the decisions there are to make. It's not cut & dry.
Have you decided what you want to do? Are you wanting to try to save your M? Is H still seeing OW?
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Hey Violet I have to admit when I first read your post I was thinking 3 strike you are out dude. But then I remembered my own sitch. Before this happed I would always say If the wife cheats she hits the streets. Well here I am fighting for my family. Waiting for those damn aliens (not illegal ones , ones form outer space) to give me her body back. If any good comes out of our sitches it's that I will never judge another person until I walk in there shoes. Now of course this excludes OM & OW ESPECIALY MARRIED ONES. You don't like your marriage get out but don't cheat. Sorry there I go again. Anyway Cad would probably have the best advice but if ya need a pep talk drop me a post
HUSBAND
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Thanks for the support. I feel better knowing I am not alone. This kind of thing is not easy to talk about. Right now I am just trying to maintain my sanity ,I feel as if I am in the twilight zone again. I don't know what I am going to do. We are still together but who knows what is going to happen. We never know what another person is really facing until we walk in their shoes. Thanks again to both of you.
