so H dropped D off tonight and we talked. I looked back at my threads from the beginning and the things he said tonight are a mirror of what he said 7 months ago.
Basically he's lost something, he loves me, he cares about me, but we need to get a divorce. He can't look at me w/o seeing om on me, he still has an enormous amount of rage and the idea of a C is a no go. She's a woman. I said - find a man and I'll go. Hell, go to her one time and see if she DOES agree with you - she just might - who knows. He can't get or doesn't want to get that we are fixable. He doesn't have to forgive me and again he's upset that our business was online for everyone to read.
I am still praying. Praying and taking care of D.
P.S. When he left he sent me a text "I'm sorry" and before he drove off complimented my toenails LOL
I had asked him why this was so sudden - he said he threw in the towel. He said we don't like each other - I asked him not to speak for me - because I do love him. I asked what changed because I could tell before that he was trying and now...he said he felt the same way before - he was just keeping his mouth shut about it...
another interesting tidbit. Again - I'm too pretty, he's got issues with his self esteem - all of which I feel terrible for. So he said he doesn't want to live the rest of his life, having to beat guys off, wondering where I am if I'm late, peeking in my window at work. But I reminded him that he said he does believe I've been honest with everything, and that he believed I would never do it again.
Then I get "we just have to do this"
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
I want you to know that I also thought about you when that show went off. I hate to be the bearer of what you might feel is bad news UA, but I think you have a specific call to stand right now.
Sorry, kid. But you might as well grab an oar because I am more convinced than ever that you're in the EXACT same boat I'm in.
