This afternoon was 7 years from the day my divorce became final, on May 31, 2000. My ex's MLC craziness which began more than 8 years ago seems to have been a lifetime ago. He had his MLC and our marriage was a casuality that did not survive it. I used to post as MaryC. I wanted to let those who post here today that no matter what happens in your marriage you can be OK, no more than OK! Great! Life can be good again. It is for me. There is hope no matter what happens, never lose hope. My story was as many here. After 22 years of marriage, my ex decided he loved me but was not in love with me and ran off with his nurse who also was a married woman and my friend. They eventually married October of 2005.
Slowly, the pain went away, and the wounds healed. I would be lying if I were to say that I'm as good as new. I don't think one ever is the same after the trauma of divorce. There are scars. My ex was the love of my life, the father of my children, and as such will always have a special place in my heart. It was one of those things that was not meant to be. We had our time and purpose, life marched on. It was not meant for a lifetime. I have accepted that and have moved on. I am a much stronger person for the experience, but also lost my innocence. I'm much more cynical and vigilant than I once was. However, I have learned to trust again and to love again.
I seldom see him, unless it is a family event involving our adult children. We relate well, can joke around. All the tension is gone. He's much more like an old friend from whom I drifted apart, a relative since we both share children together. In a way, he's sad figure. He sort of lost his childhood dream. Since he was a little boy he had always dreamed of being a doctor wanted to have his own practice. We met at 16 and together made that dream come true. He had it all when we were married, a beautiful family, a good career, but threw it all away. Together we built his practice. He took care of all the clinical aspects and I managed it. He never really had a business head, only cared about the medical part. No surprise that he was overwhelmed doing it all when we divorced. He ended up selling it to a corportate entity for whom he now works. His days are just as long, except he no longer works for himself and has all sorts of corporate crap to deal with. He's looks old, beaten and stressed. His hair is thinner and whiter, his gut huge. Life after divorce has not treated him kindly. Oh well, it was his choice.
Our "broken" family is put together the best it can be, but altered forever. For the sake of our children, we have both found it within us to let go of past hurts and be civil and kind to one another. We can all be in the same room together and there is no drama, even when she is there. Our children accept her because she makes him happy and they want him to be happy. Not something I care for, but have learned to let go and accept. Unfortunately, she is there too. I don't know if I can ever fully forgive her for her betrayal of our friendship and contribution for the demise of my marriage. God knows that I've tried. I think I struggle with the fact that my ex did feel remorse and did say he was sorry, but she hasn't. To this day I think it is her arrogance and sense of entitlement that bothers me the most. My ex is a much better person despite his flaws and the fact that he was wound up with an individual like her is just sad. It's a thorn on my side, but my contact with her is so seldom that in the grand scheme of things its really not even a big deal. I'm at the point that I just don't care anymore. Let Karma, God and the universe take care of her.
When God closes a door, he opens a window. During my darkest days, I made a friend who was going through the same hell and together we supported each other. Our friendship grew into something much deeper. Divorce devasted us emtionally, but also financially. Even after 7 yrs the financial effects linger, more for him than for me. But we are both on right on track, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and each year its gotten brighter and brighter. It looks that in another two years we may totally in the sunlight.
I've always had a positive outlook about life. I think that's what's carried me through. I have always had faith that God never gives me any more than I can handle. Somehow I muddled through, survived and thrived. I am a stronger and better person because of this experience.
Life is good today, no it's very good. There is peace. I'm healthier than anytime in my life. No one believes that I'm 49 and often am told I look 10 years younger. I am happy. My kids are great. There is a wonderful man with whom I share my life who adds great joy. What else can I ask for?
How wonderful! This is the hope that I am looking for. So many people on her have so much hope that their spouse will come back. Well, that is a hope that is slim and that you cannot control. But you can have a hope that you will make a better life for yourself.
Just yesterday my mother said "I hope H is miserable with that woman after what he has done to you." I said "No, I want him to be happy with her because he is my children's father and then they will be happier." I really meant it at that time and want to continue to feel that way. I am angry right now with what he has done but I want us both to be happy in our lives.
Thank you for this inspiration.
Me45 H45 D13 S10 together-23 years married-21 years MLC Divorced 10/3/07 Married to a wonderful new man.
Lissette, Everhopeful Thankyou for your good wishes. I seldom come here anymore, but do pop in from time to time. I know how awful it is right now for many here and just wanted to offer some hope that things do get better.
Just yesterday my mother said "I hope H is miserable with that woman after what he has done to you." I said "No, I want him to be happy with her because he is my children's father and then they will be happier." I really meant it at that time and want to continue to feel that way. I am angry right now with what he has done but I want us both to be happy in our lives.
halfmissing, I am glad that I was able to give you hope. That's why I posted.
You have a great attitude that will go a long way in healing your pain and bode well in the future for your family. Of course you are angry, you have every right to be. Once the anger served its purpose, its best to let it go, because in the end it will hurt us and the ones we love more. It is important that our anger not cloud our better judgement. It is something you let go for yourself and your kids. It just takes up too much energy that could be more productive elsewhere. In the end, our children are the innocent victims, who love both parents. We need to avoid putting them in the middle. Avoiding being negative in front of them about her and him is for the kids sake. It's very hard to accept the ow as part of their lives, it is something that is thrust upon us that we never wanted. I do it because I love my kids more than holding on to the past.
My best wishes and prayers are with you as you continue on your journey.
Hi rollercoasterider, Yes I am. It is going extremely well. He has been living with me since the summer of 2002 and brings great joy into my life. We hope to get married two to three years from now, once the last kid graduates from college.
