OK, I usually post in MLC, but guess I should probably come here now. I don't know how to link to my previous threads, but I will tell you that my H has been home now for about 3 1/2 weeks. He's had NC with OW except the ocassional work related e-mail for 3 weeks and NC AT ALL for well over a week. He's starting to miss her. He's being very open about it and says he feels like an a$$ for crying in front of me about missing her. He didn't have any idea it would be this hard. He wasn't expecting to miss her this much. I've told him that I fully expected it and that it's OK for him to lean on me and talk to me about it. I told him that what he is feeling is completely normal and that I'm OK with it. That I would actually worry more if he wasn't going through it. I would worry that he's contacting her or seeing her. I told him that I am proud of him for not calling her even though I know it has to be hard, and I'm proud of him for coming home and giving our marriage a chance. My question; What else can I do to help him? I know he has to go through this stage. I know it's normal, but I feel so helpless. Is there anything to say or do to make it better for him? To make it easier for him? As I said, we're talking about it, he's opening up to me and telling me what he's feeling so it's all out there and between us. I know that's a good thing, but I want to do more if possible.
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
My goodness, you must really want your M work. He needs counseling, plain and simple. He's had 2 affairs and gave you the ILYBNILWY speech? He's either depressed or confused. Unless you're a professional conselor, I'm not sure you can help. I've got to hand it to you, I wouldn't have the strength to put up with what you're putting up with. Suggestion, don't let yourself be his doormat.
Gwyn, It's hard when you don't know the entire situation. If I knew how I would post a link to my thread. I am FAR from a doormat in this situation. We are in MC together. He is VERY committed to working on us now and actually thinks that the MC is a good thing. This is TOTALLY different from the H that moved out 5 months ago. He went through a MLC and admits that he was very selfish and just doing whatever felt good at the time with no regard for anyone else's feelings but his own. He has been severely depressed and nearly committed suicide twice while away from home. He was so lost for a while. I was so worried about him. It was very scary. Now he's back to his old self only better in so many ways.
AS far as him missing OW, I know that's a normal part of breaking off the affair. I know OW are like drug addictions and they have to go through a withdrawl period after the break it off. I was EXPECTING this to happen. It hasn't come as a surprise to me at all. Now, I'm just wondering what my part in this is. Do I just sit back and let him work it out himself or is there anything I can do to help him? Thanks!
BFM
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
To be only 36 and going through a MLC? I'm sorry, but I have to decline in giving any advise because your H has tried suicide a couple of times. I believe there are some support groups for your type of situation. And, you really should see a counselor by yourself to better equip yourself in dealing with the volatile emotions that your H has.
Honey, I really wish you the best. I'm not trying to be mean, but I simply am not qualified to help.
Gwyn, totally fine. I understand. I don't think you're trying to be mean at all, you're just not fully aware of my situation and it's hard to give advice in that situation.
To clarify, he didn't attempt suicide. If he had attempted he would be dead. He came close. By close I mean, in the bathtub, gun in mouth, finger on trigger, but he didn't go through with it (thank God!). He's past the volatile emotions stage now. he's very settled in his emotions actually, just missing the OW.
36 is the early side of MLC, but they can occur any time between 35 and 50 (or there about.). My H was a textbook case. Followed every rule of MLC to a T including the multiple affairs, buying a new car, etc etc.
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
By close I mean, in the bathtub, gun in mouth, finger on trigger, but he didn't go through with it (thank God!).
~wow~ that is very CLOSE! I must reiterate what has been said to you. He seems still very emotional and hurt. And by your post it seems more like you want to fix it for him more than help him. YOU know you love him, and so you want to make it ALL BETTER but be careful,,,, you dont sound exactly like a doormat but it seems like you are asking for advice and then defending his actions etc. etc. There unfortunately is no magic pill fix for this.... if you want to help you need to be strong for yourself and him but he alone can come out of this. You can be supportive and strong but unless he wants to help himseLF this will just keep cycling. You have the blessing of a counselor see what she recommends! God willing he will get better. God bless you and your Family. Take care
God willing he will get better.