All I keep thinking is that I am going to have to spend the holidays separated, AGAIN...that sucks....
The holidays are the pits. It makes me think of a line from "Jerry Maguire" where one of the women says, "The holidays are making me feel more divorced!"
Originally Posted By: S4N
My big hurdle right now is to lay off of the pressure but July seems to be slipping away so quickly.
Let it go...you'll do OK. Remember, it's just an artificial timeline.
Originally Posted By: S4N
Where DB/DR are down on separation, that book gave me great hope and let me feel ok about being separated.
I don't think separation is either good or bad on its own. Rather, I think the key is in why the parties are doing it, in what context, and how it's handled. Often (and particularly on this board), the why, what, and how are not good and are destructive to the relationship. When that is the case, then separation is less likely to be a step back to regroup and return than it is to be simply a step away.
Originally Posted By: S4N
It will be difficult to be living together again but I see it being that way no matter if we do it in August, September, October, etc...
If you are suggesting that there are no varying degrees of difficulty in living together after being separated and, thus, when and under what circumstances one does so are immaterial, then I have to disagree. You were living together before the separation and that wasn't working. On top of that, your spouse felt that walking out of the M was an acceptable way to deal with the issues at hand. Until the original issues (as well as those issues that have arisen as a result of the separation itself and any events that transpired during it) are resolved, it won't be much better the second time around.
In addition, you and your spouse (particularly the latter) need to be committed to making it work. You won't make much progress if, when the going gets tough (and it will), the acceptable alternative to sticking it out through the pain, anger, and hard work is to bail out.
All these take time to establish and your comments give no evidence that work on these has started. As a result, I do believe there may very well be a valid distinction between August, September, and October (maybe even November or December).
Originally Posted By: S4N
There is great progress in my sitch and then nada, that is so tough sometimes and I understand that is just a fact of life but the hurt can be so overwhelming.
Frustrating...ain't it? I hope (for your sake) this is true confusion on his part and not just a paralyzing fear of the unknown that drives him to keep you hanging on (if he really has no intention of ever going beyond the talk).
Originally Posted By: S4N
There is no OW that I know of but I have kept my mind open to that possibility...I keep my guard up just in case.
Probably a wise perspective. If there is an OW, then chances are he's lying about it. They all do...and become pretty good at it too from my own experience and what I've seen on other threads.
My best to you. I'd wish patience for you...but you must have quite a bit already if you've hung on this long.
How are things going I have not been here in a while, I had to take a break from things, so I have not had a chance to read up on how you are doing. I hope that things are going good for you and your situation is still on my nightly prayer list. I hope that things are going good keep your head up, and your PMA going strong. Chat with you later and peace be with you.
Thank you SO much for checking in on me here OF and JosephR. I have been avoiding this site only because I have anxiety about being on here...like an addiction that I don't want to start up again, if that makes sense.
Anyway, I updated my people in "Separated" so I will paste that post here so you can all be updated too. Just a note, I have great peace now and I thank God every chance I get because all I have wanted from the beginning is a few moments of peace, now I have that AND positive strides in my sitch
From the "Separated" BB:
Well, I have to say this site has me so torn. I have a tight chest just being logged in and posting. This was such a great comfort to me when this first started but just thinking about being here for hours on end makes me anxious. Hopefully you all know what I mean and nobody gets offended...I still believe this site and and the books are M savers!!!
Things are going really well with H and I. We had a very raw heart to heart about my moving back home about a month ago...he is just not ready. Some of things we talked about were rather painful but other things made it well worth the real talk! So the Reader's Digest version:
*H wants our M to work and he loves me very much. *H is enjoying being alone but still feels he needs to do more with himself. H said he feels he is having a MLC. *We moved me out of the roommate sitch and I have my OWN place (highly recommended). So far, I am doing great and it is within 3 miles from our apartment. *We are going away for a weekend for my birthday and I am friggin' nervous!
Not too much else has happened since. I just thought I would come on here and update everyone. Hope everything is well for all of you and your sitches are going in the right direction
Glad to hear things are going well for you. Thanks for the update.
I understand why you might feel anxious being here...so much pain and hurt gets associated with this place it's a wonder anyone ever comes back. To top that off, I'd guess it almost feels like if you are here, you might jinx your sitch.
My advice? If you feel nervous being here, stay away. When you're ready to be back (if you ever are), you will. Simple as that. In the meantime, my best wishes and good thoughts to you and, should you feel comfortable doing so, an update every now and again is nice.
I am glad things are going better for you, if taking it slow is working out between the two of you than that is the right and best way to go. Anyway I have moved on with my life and actually happy. I just wanted to come back here manly to thank you for the support that you gave me. Things are going to work out fine for you. You two are both still young and have your whole life ahead of you best of luck.
