To answer your questions fig

[inmyplace]

fig,

I do not consider your questions rude. And I don't want to co-opt hope's thread. So I will answer here and anyone who wants to blast me, have at it.

but...why do you post on this board if you don't beleive in MLC? Why do you come here?

Please show me where I said I do not believe in MLC. I have said it exists and have used an uncle as an example of someone in MLC who did not leave his family as an example of someone I knew in MLC. And I come here because someone one day asked me to come here because he saw someone who could benefit from my knowledge. I have been in and out ever since. Also, I have seen enough people here who blame MLC for their troubles and fail to see their own part in those troubles. It is sad when yu see people who are 6, 7, 8 years removed from a marriage and still complaining about their former spouses' MLCs.

Those of us who may question MLC have never done so in a way that strips other people of their right to feel.

Please expound on that.

It seems like anyone who holds a different view than you is taunted or made out to be some sort of idiot.

Again, please expound on that. If you are going to say that I point out when people make up BS, then I am guilty.

If you really feel you were victimized by your wife's MLC

When did I ever say I felt victimized by my wife's MLC? I never said that. I never will. I do not feel that way. Who told you I felt that way? I certainly never did.

perhaps you haven't moved on as much as you would like us to believe.

Pure speculation. Ask the people who know me.

Everyone's situation is different and you taking away a coping mechanism does nothing.

There is a big difference between a coping mechanism and a crutch. Please note the people who have come to this board and have said that when they stopped worrying about their spouse's MLC and starting living, their spouses returned. While there are sadly too few success stories on the board, that seems to be a common thread. Not everyone who comes here and says their spouse is going theough MLC has a souse going through MLC. And some spouses who have MLC were most certainly helped along in their journey by the same person who feel victimized. What about the man who works 70 hours a week and is unappreciated by his family? What about the woman whose husband has a history of poor behavior, some I know have spouses who cheated before marriage yet blame MLC?

fig, I remember this guy who was a heroin addict. He used to go to NA meeting. He told me he stopped using when he stopped going to meeting. Wierd, but true. People can believe what they want and feel what they want. But my posts are not meant for those who do not want to be victims. I will accept one of their "thank you" for a million posts questioning my motives.

And Lissette, who told you I was bitter? Hint. I know the answer.

IMP

[Lissett]

I think i kinda feel honored you put me in this thread lovey.

thanks for the giggle

[inmyplace]

So answer the question, sweetie lumpkins.

[Lissett]

(sigh)

no one told me. It just felt that way to me.

I feel like sometimes people do need a person to tell them , Hey you are using MLC like a crutch. Maybe that person is you. I don't know, I just feel like sometimes it comes off bitter.

I am no one here with any sort of big knowledge. I don't know the MLC lingo, like you do. I don't have years of experience under my belt like you do either.

I do know, that Hope's H has done a drastic change. Just like my puffy. They were not cheaters, liars, gamblers, money spenders, evil. Like they have become now.

So, when it comes to people like Hope, Myself, Always14, and others, I think a little understanding is in order.

Not something like, you guys will buy anything.

actually it hurt me, that you would put down my friends like that, like they are stupid or something.

Again, that is just what I see. (psssssst, I see that all by myself too lovey, God didn't tell me that)

The fact that I have Faith is not something I will hide either. You can make fun of me about it, that is ok too.

I have 8 brothers i can take it.

[fig]

imp

I understand people using MLC as a crutch...to explain away their problems. But it seemed to me, in reading your post on hope's thread that you are questioning that.

I think it might be presumptious to question if someone is going through MLC or not without being a paychiatrist and meeting them.

We just have to trust each other and help in the best ways we can going on the information we have.

To act as though you have some sort of intimate knowledge of anyones's situation is a tad presumptious.

This is what I mean by taunting or making people out to be idiots...to assume that someone is spouting MLC BS is implying that you have some knowledge that no one else does.

I say that you may nothave moved on becuase you speak of your wife and her MLC or lack there-of with bitterness...you are so angry, it seems about it being "BS", that you feel the need to try to point out to everyone that their spouses MLC might also be BS.

My spouse's was...he is a sociopath...no MLC...just crazy

[inmyplace]

Lissette,

No need to call me lovey.

As for bitterness, maybe you are reacting to my lack of emotion, which is how I feel when I post.

Two things you said:

I don't know the MLC lingo, like you do

and

Not something like, you guys will buy anything.

actually it hurt me, that you would put down my friends like that, like they are stupid or something.

If you don't know the lingo, find out for yourself. No one here is a professional. You have a computer and Internet access. When people say things, I look them up for myself. I don't just buiy it like many here do. It isn't good to accept what you want to hear becasue someone may say it with a semingly authoritative voice. And the only reason I know the lingo is from checking what people say. I don't accept the word of anyone who posts here until they have a track record. Neither should ayone here. But then people run away when I challenge their assertions which are blantantly false.

Also, I was not making fun of your faith. But I know God was silent on the subject of MLC. I read his book.

IMP

[katie70]

fig i really dont post much but i read most of the posts here and i do not understand why you always seem to feel everything is your business. is this how you treated your husband? is this why he left you? you should try to see things from a different perspective and perhaps open up your mind a little more. it gets so annoying at times.

[Lissett]

Do you feel better?


I am glad you are so full of.......................

Oh, yeah

Knowledge


Good day

IN MY PLACE

[BaseballAnnie]

Hi, IMP, this is an interesting discussion, I think you always raise interesting points, you offer a unique vantage point, and most of all, I think you set a wonderful example to the guys on how to have a relationship with your ex from which everyone, especially your children, benefit.

I'm like you in some ways. I don't sugar coat things.

I think there are some people who are grasping at straws, unable to take a hard and unbiased look at their marriage, their spouse and themselves. It is easier to call on some "syndrome" for the explanation for it all, and then create a timetable and "steps" for the magical resolution of it. And there, sadly, some remain stuck.

I can read threads here and see nothing but bad behavior and dysfunctional people, on both sides, and yet the significant postings all have to do with stages or steps or signs or symptoms...yeesh!

But everyone has to choose their own path right??

That's ultimately the message that one would hope people ultimately see.

It's all about choices.

We can choose to stand, choose to move on, choose to stay, choose to go, choose to love, choose to live...

We all find ourselves here for a reason and we can view it as a loss or an opportunity.

It's our choice.

besos,
BA

[inmyplace]

with bitterness

Again with the bitterness. Please show me where. I use the interactions with my former Mrs. (she is not my wife) to illustrate where things I have learned from this side of the journey. Here. I love my ex but I am not in love with her. And guess what, that is the feeling I get from her. Do I ever feel sadness? Yes. If it ate me up, then I would be bitter.

that you feel the need to try to point out to everyone that their spouses MLC might also be BS.

No. I point out that when people make stuff up, it is BS. MLC or not, all anyone can do is be the best person they can be. If it is MLC, be aware but don't hang on every move. Because how long do you want to hang on every action. 2 years...5 years...8 years. No one knows. And no one can think about it every day for that long and keep their sanity.

And if your H is a sociopath, run away.

IMP