1 yr of separation, need some hope....

[heartbreak2]

Hi
I have not posted in this forum before but I hope to find some inspiration and direction here.

My H left 1 yr ago today and I was devastated. M 23 yrs 2 teens.
I had a clue that he was cheating but had just confirmed it the day before he walked.

I was given the I don't love you speech but I am not sure how to deal with this now..

He appears to have the MLC qualities but.... the OW she is the person keeping him away..
he has tried to leave now 3 times and has been home once for a wk. She sets her claws in well and draws him back to her.

I need to refresher course here what can I do after a yr that will make a difference??

I was angry.. I have dealt with my anger went to C and the anger stemmed from resentment towards him for not paying attention to me and working 90 hrs a wk and no vacations.

I was controlling... ok this was inbred I believe but I think I have made huge progress for we went on a trip and I let him plan it and get the maps etc.. i just went...did what everyone wanted the entire wkend..
I have given him space for a yr he is living in the next town and I do not call him at all he emails or calls me. I am always nice to him. we have not fought at all.

These are 2 major issues... I am working on them constantly so I don't go backwards.

Now.... after a yr apart if he has not seen a diff. in me will he ever??

We have talked and been civil and he hugs and was giving kisses at one point.
I feel a connection but just can't seem to make it stick.

today I will see him what can I say to let him know that I still love him... I have told him in the past I forgive him... he told me months ago that he liked me more than he did when he left.
but....HE has no feelings for me.. this has been the biggy.

I don't have the books with me I lent them to a friend and have not gotten them back. I don't remember though reading about feelings anywhere..

this I need help with.
I feel if he is with someone else and had buried his feelings so deep that he will not get them out until the other person is gone..?

He has not filed for D.. though a yr ago that is what he wanted and in Aug. and in Nov... nothing since.
well i just jinxed myself.

any suggestions of where to read will be helpful I am at a loss here today.

I don't feel the MLC is the only issue here I feel that this might have been an exit A but if it was he would not have tried to come back. ??

thank you for any advice you can give.
hb2

[cat03]

until he decides to commit to the M, he can't find his feelings for you again. When my H came back he also had no feelings for me, but our C told us that sometimes commitment is all that is holding an M when things are rough, that down the road the feelings/decision to love come back.

[rhoch]

The only thing I can really offer, is what is he getting from the OW that he was not getting before? Have you explored that? It may be that its not something more at all, just different. In that case there isn't a whole lot you can do. Keep working on being the best person you can possibly be and make a life for yourself. If he continues to see you waiting for him, there isn't really much incentive to leave the OW.

[heartbreak2]

Thanks

I have worked hard this week on detaching from him again. I saw him on Tues night and he was in a good mood we talked like normal people.

I am avoiding emailing him this wk... staying away... need for him to wonder what I am doing.

Also realize he is getting his fill of the kids and what they are doing from me... he sends emails.. asks questions and stupid me ... answers them.... let him ask the kids if they ignore him too bad they are almost adults themselves.

thankyou hb2