As my thread is probably about to lock up, I wanted to start up another one before I head for the airport.
Besides, I just like coming up with clever Subject lines.
There's a dark cloud rising from the desert floor I packed my bags and I'm heading straight into the storm Gonna be a twister to blow everything down That ain't got the faith to stand its ground Blow away the dreams that tear you apart Blow away the dreams that break your heart Blow away the lies that leave you nothing but lost and brokenhearted
The dogs on Main Street howl 'cause they understand If I could take one moment into my hands Mister I ain't a boy no I'm a man And I believe in a promised land
Well It's Saturday night you're all dressed up in blue I been watching you awhile maybe you been watching me too So somebody ran out left somebody's heart in a mess Well if you're looking for love honey I'm tougher than the rest
Some girls they want a handsome Dan or some good-lookin' Joe on their arm Some girls like a sweet-talkin' Romeo Well 'round here baby I learned you get what you can get So if you're rough enough for love honey I'm tougher than the rest
The road is dark and it's a thin thin line But I want you to know I'll walk it for you any time Maybe your other boyfriends couldn't pass the test Well if you're rough and ready for love honey I'm tougher than the rest
Well it ain't no secret I've been around a time or two Well I don't know baby maybe you've been around too Well there's another dance all you gotta do is say yes And if you're rough and ready for love honey I'm tougher than the rest If you're rough enough for love baby I'm tougher than the rest
Ugh Choco, sorry about all the stress. You are doing great though. Stay strong. If nothing else, it seems like your W having this EA/PA with someone 17 years younger is bound to fizzle out sooner rather than later. It will then be up to you to decide if you can live with that history. And let me tell you, that can often be the hardest part. My H and I are through the worst of our own storm but the after effects are always hovering under the surface. They never fully go away. I can see how people just throw in the towel after a while. It is so hard sometimes. But you know it will be an uphill battle. Just be realistic and work on yourself. No matter what happens Choco you are going to be ok. LFL
Yeah, I know, lots of song lyrics, but hey -- if I can't send e-mails, I gotta get this stuff out SOMEHOW, right??
Anyway, I had to share these with all of you, as it's kind of surreal. The last two times I walked in the bathroom, and the fetching-but-sneaking Mrs. Choc. was also in there, these were the two songs playing on the radio, swear to gosh:
"What a Fool Believes"
He came from somewhere back in her long ago The sentimental fool dont see Tryin hard to recreate What had yet to be created once in her life
She musters a smile For his nostalgic tale Never coming near what he wanted to say Only to realize It never really was
She had a place in his life He never made her think twice As he rises to her apology Anybody else would surely know Hes watching her go
But what a fool believes he sees No wise man has the power to reason away What seems to be Is always better than nothing And nothing at all keeps sending him...
Somewhere back in her long ago Where he can still believe theres a place in her life Someday, somewhere, she will return
She had a place in his life He never made her think twice As he rises to her apology Anybody else would surely know Hes watching her go
But what a fool believes he sees No wise man has the power to reason away What seems to be Is always better than nothing Theres nothing at all But what a fool believes he sees...
--------------------------------------------------- "Take it On the Run"
Heard it from a friend who Heard it from a friend who Heard it from another you been messin around They say you got a boy friend Youre out late every weekend Theyre talkin about you and its bringin me down
But I know the neighborhood And talk is cheap when the story is good And the tales grow taller on down the line But Im telling you, babe That I dont think its true, babe And even if it is keep this in mind
{refrain}
You take it on the run baby If thats the way you want it baby Then I dont want you around I dont believe it Not for a minute Youre under the gun so you take it on the run
Youre thinking up your white lies Youre putting on your bedroom eyes You say youre coming home but you wont say when But I can feel it coming If you leave tonight keep running And you need never look back again
{refrain x 3}
Heard it from a friend who Heard it from a friend who Heard it from another you been messin around
Even though our sitches are not exactly the same, there are many parallels right now...
Who are these psychic DJ's that are playing certain songs right when we tune in? First thing, Monday morning (which was the day the OM was arriving to stay with my W) I get in the car to head to the gym at 6:45 a.m. and a college station that does not play many Beatles songs to begin with, chooses to play which song???:
...You better run for your life if you can, little girl Hide your head in the sand little girl Catch you with another man That's the end ah little girl
Let this be a sermon I mean everything I've said Baby, I'm determined And I'd rather see you dead...
I do not agree with the violent suggestions of wishing to see my W dead, but I had not heard this song in a long time, and of course I heard it so very differently than in all the years past.
When our lives are in the midst of relationship turmoil and emotional swings, the pop songs we've been hearing for so many years as only background music, suddenly come to life and the lyrics speak to sympathetic vibrations of what the original writers must have been trying to convey, based on their life experiences from years prior to that.
I cannot believe how much pop music is written about relationships coming alive or falling apart. And for me, either genre hurts right now, because the relationship coming to life is the W & OM, and the relationship falling apart is myself & W.
Of course, I am hoping that the genres will do a crossover, and in the future, I can sing along with Chicago's "Alive Again":
...Yesterday I would not have believed That tomorrow the sun would shine Then one day you came into my life I am alive again I am alive again When you gave your love to me you changed my life Dreams that once seemed hopeless come with ease Thank you girl for being just the way you are I would never try to change you All I live for is to love you I'm feeling alive again I'm feeling alive again...
For now, Choc, keep the positive songs in rotation in your mind's play list, and whistle the optimistic ones when you can.
LG
Me 46 WAW 45 M 21 yrs
WAW: "I need to be alone" 12/06 W moves out 3/07 Mediation finalized 08/08
Thanks, Lou, and thank you all for your notes of encouragement and concern. A bit of an update:
First of all, my Dad had a blessed and wonderful 80th birthday. The weather forecast in Chicago as late as a rainy Saturday was for 60% chance of rain and thunderstorms on Sunday, his birthday, but the big day arrived with clear-blue skies, the temperatures rose to a low-humidity, sunny 75 degrees, and the event itself was perfect. A great slide show put together by my SIL (with a little music consulting help from yours truly, "Mr. Song Lyrics" himself, of course, who chose a Dolly Parton and a Cat Stevens cut), great food, and just warm and loving company.
My dad was truly honored. We spent the next day driving up to Milwaukee, where my sister had rented a tour bus that we all hopped on, and my dad, his brother and my mom sat up front and reminisced over the microphone/PA system while we drove the neighborhoods where he grew up, the houses he lived in, the places he worked, where he met my mom, etc. It was really cool.
My marriage is thus:
I have confronted my wife, and am working thru the process with NOP and trying to shine a light, a path, for my wife back to our marriage. While she is physically still at home, she is emotionally somewhere else, the dopamine in her confused brain firing off (or do the synapses fire off? I always get that confused ) and she's refusing to end all contact with OM.
I am working the plan, while being loving, kind and respectful, and expecting my daughters to do the same do the best of their ability. They are HURT, and understandably upset with their mother, and it's killing Mrs. Choc. to see them angry and distant.
But actions have consequences.
I'm not posting much, so as to keep things simple (not "easy" by any stretch, but "simple") as, emotionally, I have moments when I'm a wreck.
But then God strengthens.
I have a wonderful, wonderful support group with my parents and siblings, and NOP has been a blessing. I feel like I have a former catburgler teaching me how to burgle-proof my house, and an AA sponsor available to me 24/7, and a wise but firm older brother, all wrapped into one.
So far, every reaction has been predictable, and everything has followed the script, something that really amazes me. I was in denial for awhile, until confronted with the painful evidence. Turns out D20 and D18 both already knew/suspected, independently of each other, and both afraid to tell me.
Sad.
But I am learning to grow, and learning to set (and enforce) boundaries that will serve me well if not in this marriage, then in my next relationship, and I'm learning to "fall in like" again with the man in the mirror.
He waren't lookin' too attractive before. Emotional cowardice is never very attractive.
I thank you all for your words of encouragement and support. Please don't be insulted in any way for my lack of advice solicitation on here; even my sibling group I've narrowed down for sake of clarity and my own sanity.
I want my wife back, and not this alien who has invaded her beautiful, but cold, body. I want her for me, for our family, sure, but mostly I just want her back PERIOD. This one looks too sad and confused.
We're still cheering you on!!! We're all pulling for ya!
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
) and she's refusing to end all contact with OM.