He is mad because it helps validate what he's doing. He HAS to be mad at you and see you as the "bad person" so he can feel he's doing is the right thing. So when he can paint you in a negative light he will -- and he will blame you for everything he can! Actually, you are playing into exactly what he wants.This helps him feel better about himself and OW. There is probably very little you can say or do right now that will make him see logically what he's doing to hurt the kids or how falsely he's misrepresenting your behavior, words and feelings.
I think because you are too emotionally involved and taking all of this so personally you might be better off distancing yourself and avoiding contact. Perhaps you can limit all contact to email. For the first few months of the divorce, there were times I had to do this. The anger and hatred from my husband was just too thick and it was pretty painful for me too. When it hurts too badly you need to get distance.
All correspondence really can be done over email. You just need to make sure you don't "chase" after your husband, beg him to see "reason" (because he won't for quite awhile!!!), and keep a civil business-like attitude.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
runningoutoftime that is good advice and i think you are right. i cant take this anymore from him. i was so upset from his antics yesterday that i went to bed last night about 8:30 last night due to a migraine. i cant believe that i let him ruin my evening with the boys last night. we had rented movies and planned to stay up late watching them. so i guess we will reschedule tonight.
me-30 h-38 m-11 yrs s-6 s-7 ss-13 h left-april 21,2007 found out of ea april 1, 2007
guys i am ready to ring my h's neck. he is wanting to see the kids and i said fine but the ow is not to be around them. he said that in time they will see why he left me for her and she is not a fly by night person. i am ready to scream. i said i don't care but i don't think to highly when she is leaving her h and pursuing a r with a married man with children. i do not want her around the kids until we are d. am i wrong? i know that last year if someone we knew was doing this he would say they are wrong but now that he is doing this it is like its fine. my bil called me today and told me that my h is calling family members trying to convince them that what he is doing is not wrong and that he has the right to be happy. what in the world is going on?
me-30 h-38 m-11 yrs s-6 s-7 ss-13 h left-april 21,2007 found out of ea april 1, 2007
Aliens that's the only explanation He was abducted and his brains were sucked out. Isn’t funny how when you know you what you are doing is right you don’t have to convince anybody. But when you are WRONG you have to try to convince everyone even yourself that you are right. Stay strong
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
thanks husband. my h says that i am being a b***h for not letting the ow around the kids. i really hate this drama. he even says that i don't have the right to make that decision but at my lawyer consult i was told that the courts will not even allow her around the kids while we are still married. he is driving me up the wall.
me-30 h-38 m-11 yrs s-6 s-7 ss-13 h left-april 21,2007 found out of ea april 1, 2007
Hey lost. I know DBing stresses taking care of your self. Doing things that make you happy. And like you putting my Son’s (your kids) well being ahead of my needs does make me happy. They are the innocent bystander in all of this. And it sounds like you have the courts standing behind you. How old is your husband? Name calling? Come on now is sounds like you were taking care of more kids that you realize all this time.. I heard the song “father & son I think it was by cat Stevens. The end of the song goes. “My son grew up just like me,yea my son was just like me” I made me think. No matter what happens in my marriage I want my son to be proud of me. I want him to want to be JUST LIKE ME. So I need to be Strong, faithful, caring and understanding.
Take care lost I think about all of you everyday Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
thanks husband but yea my h is 38 but acting like a 5yr old. i think i know the song that you are talking about.its talking about that the father didn't have time for the son when he was young and then as the son got older the father wanted time and the son didn't have the time. i think that was a song back in the 60's or 70's. anyway i took the kids to church today and one of the topics was integrity. all i could think about is that my h had integrity when we got married but where did it go? if he still had his integrity then my family wouldn't be in this mess.what a better world it would be if everyone had integrity, definetly non of us would be in this forum about affairs and infedelity.
me-30 h-38 m-11 yrs s-6 s-7 ss-13 h left-april 21,2007 found out of ea april 1, 2007
That's it but I was not talking about the not having enough time part. Beleve me my son is my best friend. We do alot together. But what I want to teach him by example is. Morals , patiants , integrity
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
i just want to vent. i am just so angry and hurt right not i just want to scream. today is my bday and all my h could say to me today is i want this and i want that blah blah blah not one time did he say happy birthday! is that so hard to say? boy he has turned into areal jerk. is there even hope left to hold onto for this m? and do i even want him anymore?
me-30 h-38 m-11 yrs s-6 s-7 ss-13 h left-april 21,2007 found out of ea april 1, 2007
