Well, here we are, continuing on with this HOT topic
I just received an 8-page questionnaire from the ST that each of us has to fill out before our first appointment on the 30th of May - should be interesting to see if there is any information on there that I don't know about regarding H (which I am sure will be the case). After all, it does get quite graphic as to how many sex partners you have had in your life etc (something we have NEVER gone into in great detail and I am sure H will be cautious, to say the least)
This was a long weekend for us here in Canada but we didn't get much time alone because H had a friend and his wife that showed up early Saturday and I thought they were just staying the night but ended up staying until about half an hour ago - sheesh!!
Oh well, at least I only have 4 days to work this week and I have next week off and we should have our Jeep out of the shop by then and maybe we can get in some "us" time. Plus that is the week we see the ST
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
I am very happy for you. God Bless you, keep up the good work. Also, be prepared for a pull back, or setback, but otherwise enjoy the ride. It's great that you and H are on a roll right now. Very encouraging. I'm pretty sure you'll be getting some before me. Keep it up!
Love,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
I am not so naive to think there will not be setbacks, that is pretty much inevitable
However, it is VERY encouraging that he is at least trying and when those setbacks do come around, I have to remember that. The cell phone bill didn't come in last week but I am sure it will be here tomorrow or the next day. Then there are some questions on the profile we have to fill out for the ST that, quite honestly, I don't know what he will put down for answers so that causes some anxiety in me.
But, I am confident the worse is over with and we will be able to move forward consistently from this point.
Who knows, maybe I will be getting "it" before you, but I am not holding my breath on that one (although you can rest assure I will be here to brag if it does happen )
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Things have been going well (almost too well - I should have known better) and I am sure you all remember the whole "cell phone bill" fiasco
Well, I know for a fact the cell phone bill came in. I am not sure if it was today or last week (Friday at the earliest) but my guess is today. There is no detailed report with it and H has NOT said a word to me about it. I specifically said that if this month's bill came in and it didn't have a detailed report with it, he would find some way to get one to me.
Should I leave it for a while or should I get right on it and say something like "I would have thought the cell bill would have come in by now, has it? and, if so, I thought we had an understanding that you would be providing a copy of it to me"
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
I think that having your H show you his cell phone bill every month is not only snooping, it's almost worse than snooping. Most everyone on the board, including Michelle in her books, will tell you that snooping is generally a bad idea. So not only are you snooping, but you are humiliating your H every time you snoop. At least if you were snooping behind his back, he would only have to be humiliated if you found something wrong. But this way, he gets to feel like a looser every month when he has to show his mommy his report card.
Leading in to my second thought that it makes you look too much like his mother, his madonna. The woman on the pedistal to whom he must face and answer for his actions. It puts you in a dominant role, the mothering role, the wrong role if you want sex with him.
And why see the cell bill anyway? I'll answer that for you, because you are afraid. You've been burned once or twice and you are not going to get burned again. Well here's some news, there are still pay phones around that he can use. There's email and snail mail, and a car, etc. If he's inclined to cheat, he's gonna cheat, and if he does it again, you'll catch him again without snooping.
Think of it as if you were just dating him, and wanted to get to know him better. Would you ask to see his cell phone bill then? Would you demand that he account for his time away from you? I know it's hard because his actions indicate he can be untrustworthy, and you've already been burned. That makes it all the more difficult, and requires all the more courage, strength and faith. Fear, jealousy, and the need to control another human being are not going to help you get where you want to go.
If he offers the phone bill then fine, but I would suggest you give it right back to him, just toss it aside like the rest of the trash. Stare at him with a fire in your eye that says you trust him, you admire him, and you want him HOT! Now that's something worth obsessing about.
Love,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
I don't think it is snooping. She asked him to see it, and he agreed. Now, he has to keep his word. To build trust in his word, if nothing else. There should be no secrets in a marriage, cell phone bills or otherwise.
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