“I'm terrified I'm making the wrong decision.” Yvonnec there are no wrong decisions. They are just decision. What ever decisions we make they have been made and we need to deal with them. There are bad decisions and we need to work harder on correcting them. But there are no wrong decisions. Moving will get you out of that town. And at least for awhile you can work on your R with your husband away from the OW. You also will have time to establish a network of friends in this new town. Soooo If the OW was to move there later she would be coming to your home turf. If thing don’t work out between you and your H. YOU WILL SURVIVE. Stay another year and then move to KY. Who knows you may find someone in PA that ya hit it off with and stay there. My point is you have a lot to deal with now in the present. Looking ahead 2 years is getting too fare ahead of yourself.
It seems you are going to move. Your choices are move to PA and try to save your marriage. It may work it may not if not move to KY when you can Or Just let go and move to KY now. You can still work on saving your marriage but it will be long distance.
Either one is right or wrong they are just different.
And last but not least remember I AM NO EXPERT otherwise I would not be here either
I’m not driving this car; I’m jus along for the ride
Husband
Last edited by husband; 05/27/0704:15 PM.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Hey matilda Thanks. I’m getting ready to strap on the belt because the roller coaster is about to take off. My son (10) likes to pretend we are camping and about every other week I sleep with him in our camper on the driveway. We make popcorn get a movie (T.V in camper now that’s California camping). Ant way last night when we went to bed he started crying. I asked him what’s wrong. I told me he was thinking things he didn’t want to think. I asked him if he wanted to talk about it. He said no, but thanks for asking. I asked him does it have anything to do with Mom or Dad. He said yea. But it has not happened yet. I told him when he is ready to talk I’m will always be here to listen.
Ok A little back ground. We didn’t have a B-day party for my son this year because my wife was very sick. We are planning on having one when my son and I get back form our week long. Fishing, 4 wheeling, sandcastle building and what ever we want trip. He knows this. But my mind is playing the games again.
Is this what he was crying about? he know we are going to do it but haven’t yet’ or Does he suspect something is wrong between mom and dad? ( we don’t fight, no arguments around him) or Did he over hear a conversation between my W and the OM?
We are going to the movies (Wife, son and I) this after noon. So I am not going to do anything until after that my question for all you wise people that stayed home this weekend.
Should I go for a walk with my son and go play some catch. (That’s when we have the most interesting conversations). And try to find out what is the problem
Or
Talk to my W first about what happened.
The mind is a terrible think. The first though that came into my mind was he knows something about my W and the OM. But after I started writing this I thought about his b-day maybe that is what he was thinking.
Everyone here (includes me) talks about our S being in a fog. Sometime I wonder maybe I’m the one in the fog
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
have you thought about counseling for your son. i have done that for my sons. especially my 13 year old. the counselor told me that she can not tell me what was said but she did tell me that he hates what is going on and he feels that he is torn between the two of us. he loves us both and is afraid that if he talks about how he feels then he will hurt one or both of us. maybe that is what is going on with your son. i don't know what to do and i dont have all the answers but i tell my boys all the time that what is going on between us has nothing to do with them and that they did nothing wrong. they are great kids and we both love them all very much. yes i know that my kids may know that but i think constantly telling them that helps. just like me, i know logically that more than likely my h and the ow will not work out but still doubts come into my mind and it makes me feel better when someone still tells me that they will not work out. that is why i try to constantly tell my kids that thier father and i still love them very much and they did not do anything wrong. thier father leaving had nothing to do with them. just to let you know i think that you are doing an awesome job as a father.
me-30 h-38 m-11 yrs s-6 s-7 ss-13 h left-april 21,2007 found out of ea april 1, 2007
Ok so my w wanted to go to the movies. She said get tickets anywhere between 12: & 2:00. It was the latest pirate movie (hours long) so I get tickets at 12:00. I then go over her mom house to finish the work I am doing on her railing. At 11:00 I called my W and leave her a message that I got the tickets for 12:00. I get home and she informs me that she is not going at 12: oo she has things to do. I told her I already got the tickets and she say “Da*m it. I didn’t want to go that early. I told her she told me between 12 & 2 she said she wanted to go about 1. I told her It’s only $6.50 if she wants to stay home I’m taking our son. She ended up going. I told her I’m sorry but she said between 12 & 2 If she wanted to go at 1 she should have said so. She told me she does not want to talk about it because she is getting pissed. So there was no taking. (So much for putting my are around her)
After the movie my son and I went to the field to play catch. That’s were him and I have our best talks. So we played for about half hour and then a team came to use the field so we went and sat on the swings and had our drinks. I asked him if he wanted to talk about last night. He said no really it was about something that was not going to happen for awhile. I asked him is it about me? He said yea. I told him anytime you want to talk about anything please don’t hesitate. I am here for you I love you and would do anything for you. He told me that is part of the problem. He said last night he was thinking about me and mom dying. It made him so sad. I asked him what made you think about that. He said that the other day when he and I brought his sister to work in my jeep. His sister asked how come I have there picture in my dash board. I told her because if anything happened to me I wanted d them the be the last thing I saw. My son said he does not want me to die. I told him I don’t want to die either but someday I will. I told him when my dad died I was really sad. But it was not just because he died. It was because I hardly ever told my dad I loved him. There were a lot of things I wanted to tell my dad but I didn’t and then he died and it was too late. That’s why I always want him to talk to me. To tell me any thing. He is my best friend. Sometime I will seam mean but that’s because I’m the dad and sometimes I can’t let him do things that will hurt him. Because I love him. He wiped the tear from his face and smiled. I gave him a hug. I told him sometimes when people are hurt really bad and they are in a lot of pain they think they want to die. For now on those pictures will be my inspiration to live. If I am hurt and in a lot of pain I will look at those pictures and I will know why I want to live. He was happy with that. I asked him if he wanted me to take the pictures down and he said no. Soooo after I brought him home I went back to my MIL house to finish the railing. When I got there I mentioned that I can never make her daughter happy. I told her about the movie and she told me that she was there and remembered my W saying12 ish. Anyway I finished the railing and the MIL asked if I wanted to have a drink with her I told her no I better get home so I don’t piss off my W. Well……….. After I got home the phone rings and it’s my MIL and she is telling my W that she remembers her saying 12 ish. My W well I might have. So I go out side to BBQ. When I came back in the house My W acts like everything is
And that was my day today
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I like that you told your wife if she didn't want to go it was okay, only $6.50 and you could always take S instead and then take her another time when convenient. I think you handled it well. Just keep in mind you probably have a spirited woman (I've got a daughter who falls in that category so I deal with this pretty regularly) and they tend to "swing" emotionally. Also, my husband tends to get frustrated and overreact as well. I've FINALLY learned this is who they are and I try not to take any of it personally or too seriously.
By not taking it personally, I'm able to let a lot of it go and can still give love and affection after they cool down. I'm not hurt by it. I figure it's THEM. They can't help it that their emotions sometimes run on the hot side. I just try to stay calm, find humor when possible and support them the best I can.
BTW, I caught the conversation on PAs... it's funny how we'll draw a line and think, if our spouses pass it the marriage is over. But when we come to that line we sometimes have to rechallenge or thoughts and feelings and realize we still want to try and work though something we never thought we'd ever be able to do. I commend you husband for being a great dad and also being their for your wife. I believe that even if she doesn't fully see it now, at some point she is going to realize she was a very lucky woman to have such a patient and supportive guy. Keep up the great work!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I really needed the pep talk right now. Evil thoughts of the OM and my W have cheeped into my head. I don’t even really know if she is still talking to him. I kind of want to ask her if when my son and I are away for the week if she is going to see him. But then again I want to trust her. When my son and I leave we will be going by her work. I bought a pink (her faro rate color) fan that has L.E.D’s on it and you can write a message that flashes on it. I’m going to write “thinking or you Manuel & Anthony” We will leave it on her desk so when she goes’ to work Monday she will find it. Thanks for telling me about your daughter and Husband. It’s hard not to take it personally. She was so pissed before we left for the show but later that night everything as honky dory.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I have to tell you... I know those evil thoughts of OP. I've had those too, but I have to say that finally I'm letting a lot of that go. I really feel she's in the past... and believe me I had a very VERY hard time letting that go. Even the feelings of revenge are fading. Boy, that's a relief! (I no longer have the urge to go to her work and pelt her with eggs!!!).
The fan sounds GREAT!!!!! Gosh, every so often you should go over there and program romantic and silly messages in it. Humor is always good!!!
One more thing to think about with temperament... are other people in her family like her? Consider how much could be biological. Studies have shown a huge amount of who we are is determined by genetics. Although I believe we can change, sometimes there is only so much and it takes huge effort. One has to be very determined to make changes and not all changes are possible. Do the people in her family (parents, older relatives) mellow with age? Things to consider...
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
ROOT That's the (funny?) Thing I never wanted to go kick his a@@. I wanted to talk to him and ask why. I think I felt more like the failure in our marriage. I still don't hate him but If things don't work out and my wife did get nasty. Boy they will not know what hit em. But like I said that would be a last resort of a desperate person which I am not yet....
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
