HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Smurf_SMR]

Lisa

Just picked up notification on Myspace.

Stunning! and the baby is lovely as well.

All joking aside, your H is obviously off his rocker to leave such a lovely family.

[StrongEnough]

Hi Lisa,

Just cought up with your sitch.

I'm sorry you are going through this with him right now. Him not seeing his kids in a month? Wow.

You have to do what you feel you have to do and we will all be here to support you.

(((HUG)))

~SE

[lovingme]

Lisa ~ Sweetie ~ I am so sorry you are having to go through all of this. I can't even imagine doing it with four boys and a newborn with a husband who is being such a jerk and so unsupportive. I wish I were closer to help you out and even just to visit.

Things will get better ~ You are a very strong woman you have proved it in the past and you will realize it again. I know it is hard but the less contact you have with him the better. Don't text him or call him about anything unless you have too. He will pay for it in the future if he doesn't try to have a relationship with his kids now.

Much love!!!

[LisaLost]

Thanks all for your support, you guys are the best


H usually calls early on Friday mornings b/c it is the time he gives me my support mony. He didn't call so I just text him:hey- that was it. I was uptown with the baby at the drs for her 2 week visit and had dressed her up and brought along our 6 y/o b/c H and I usually meet up for himto give me money- well. I called him before I was gong to leave townand he didn't answer- he called back like 2 seconds later and said he would have to just send it Western Union b/c he couldn't leave work. I told him ok and he also said he is sending about 500.00 less than normal- this upset me b/c i wish he would have told me sooner so I could have planned for it. but well he says he doesn't have too. I said fine and we hung up, he said me voie sounded disappointed, was it b/c I wasn't getting the full amount then he called me a greedy money hungry bi*ch. I told him I would not listen to him talk to me like that and hung up- he called back like 10 times- I finally answered and told him that yeah I was disappointed but only b/c I had dressed the baby up and Ethan wanted to see him now they wouldn't be able to- he instanly got pissed and said well you should have told me you had thekids I would have tried to meet you. OMG- I am at home at this point and he says for me to meet him somewhere for themoney, baby is sleeping so I tell him to go ahead and Western Unionit. _ I am calm- He goes off on me again on how I am a badmother and all I care about are my feelings and how much money I am getting. That did I know how much he hated me- well he hates me more than I could ever know and he hope I take at least a hundred dollars and I shove it down my throat and choke to death on it. I told him Ineeded to go- and hung up he called back at least 15 more times all to cuss me one way or the other.

I can't do nothing right in his eyes- see why I want a divorce

Lisa

[LisaLost]

BTW- he says I don't admit my faults and say that I am to blame for anything so- I posted a publi apology to him on myspace page in my blog.
Thaat is what thatpost is for in case you guys were wondering.

love,lisa

[StrongEnough]

Hi Lisa,

Hun, I'm sorry he is treating you this way. He has a whole lot of anger in him right now.

I did read your blog on myspace. The thing that worries me is you seem a little all over the place on this. Like you aren't sure you want to file and D him. If that's the case maybe sit on it for a while? It's better to take no action then to take the wrong one when it comes to divorce.

I'm really worried about you.

~SE

[LisaLost]

Don't be worried. I did that b/c he said I can't publicly admit my failures in th emarriage- He said everyone thinks that it is all his fault and really he is the victim- so I did it I admitted my faults to the world basically. SImply b/c b/c he said I couldn;t do it- He says everyone else I am nice to and theythink I am wonderful but I am a witch to him

Don't worry about me. I am just fine. I want this!!
Love,lisa

[LisaLost]

Why the anger- he wants it over and is getting what he wants, that is something I don't get?

[StrongEnough]

Why the anger- he wants it over and is getting what he wants, that is something I don't get?

The anger could stem from many things or a combination of many things. It could be because he feels guilty, because he doesn't want the D but it would hurt his pride to say so after the way he has treated you, he could just be generally unhappy with his life right now and you are to blame. (Of course, we knew this).

I'm there are many many other reasons why he is full of anger. Those are the only ones that I could think of at the moment.

As long as you are sure the steps you are taking are the steps you want to take.

~SE

[25yearsmlc]

LL,

IMHO, it's time to stop taking his calls. If you must answer, tell him the ONLY topic up for discussion is your 5 children, legal/financial matters go through the lawyers. You will SAVE money in the long run, by hiring a Lawyer for everything financial/legal or your H WILL take you for all he can. He already HAS!! He is paying as little as possible and stop forgetting that HE is taking food and shelter away from YOUR children. Lose the shame about "not working".

Many men (I read this somewhere) turn guilt into an attack/anger FROM them, to the one they have hurt. This does NOT mean he will come back. He is very busy revising the marital history and filling in all the good spots with his New lens of crap.

Cussing at you? You say, "I deserve better than this. Call me if you can do better." and HANG UP.

He called you lower than a dog, etc. What an unreasonable and irrational amount of rage he has. He sounds dangerous. The leading cause of death for pregnant women in this country, is murder by the father of the child....

He knows he will be on the hook for 5 kids and guess what? SO will YOU!! The only thing that is unfair about this is that he'll have whatever money just to spend on himself, whereas you have to put your children first b/c that's what good parents do. Next time he calls you a bad mother, you might want to remind him that you are NOT the parent who abandoned his children, then HANG UP.

Other possible retorts (Not to be confused with defending or engaging in his delusions)

"H, stop projecting your anger onto me. You made the choices leading to this situation."

(if he again goes on about the horrible past, etc. ) try this:
"H, your memory is so self serving and selective, at some level, you must know how much pain you have caused those who loved you most."



"H at least I'm trying to do what's best for our children." "If you won't pay a reasonable amount without a court order, SO BE IT...I'll get one."

"H, we both know who did what and we both know I would never have hurt you or abandoned our children, so stop re-writing history to justify yourself"


"H, if you cannot talk like a calm rational adult then I'm hanging up" If his next sentence is Not an apology, HANG UP. What is there to say to a man this irrational?

Above all, LL, stay on message about the children being the priority, and don't get amnesia about who left whom, who cheated, who hides money, and who spews....He is hurting his own children when he spews and underpays. He is acting like a real bum, in the old days they called them "Cads". LL, you cannot enable this. He has launched scud missiles and you need to defend your children now. Anyone who says what he says and does what he does with 5 children, including a newborn, is not a good person. Yeah yeah yeah we all know about the "pressure of it all" blah blah blah-- he needs to GROW UP!!

Please defend yourself LEGALLY and FINANCIALLY and note that you are NOT accomplishing anything acting nice to him. His low self esteem and self loathing is going to take time and consequences, to resolve. You've protected him too much from all he has done. IF there is ever going to be a reconsiliation and if you could ever trust a man with what he has done, AT THIS TIME OF YOUR LIFE AND YOUR CHILDREN'S LIVES, it won't occur b/c you're being nice to him.

I guess his words have just pushed my buttons today. The nerve of him calling YOU a bad parent. The irony. Point that out next time, "H, let me get this straight, I am taking care of our 5 children including a newborn baby girl, You're cheating on me, YOU left me with the kids to raise by myself, and now YOU are calling ME a bad parent? I wish I had a tape recorder so the court could hear how crazy that sounds." Make sure you are the one to end conversations no matter how they go, even if he's being nice, which I guess means Not spewing....You deserve better so stop taking less, okay?

Rooting for you, Take care of your children AND YOU. Expect nothing from him for now. At least nothing good. Lose expectations. You have to, for now.
j-