Wife hits me.....need help....

[kml]

What I want is to be happy. That's what I want.....

What you NEED is to make your KIDS happy. I don't give a fig about the personal happiness of PARENTS until their kids are grown and out of the house.

Now some marriages may be so awful that the kids are actually happier with their parents divorced; but the large majority of people whose parents divorced when they were kids wre made LESS happy by the event. So - are you willing to trade their happiness for yours?

Wouldn't a better solution be figuring out how to change yourself in such a way that W naturally has to change for the better also? Then you could bpth recapture those feelings that brought you together in the first place?

Ellie

[PArob]

Sol,

I think you should go back and read Muddle's post several times and let what he said sink in. That's probably some of the best advice I've seen given to you in awhile (and while you're at it, read Joyful's post a few times as well).

There is no doubt in my mind that you remain codependent upon your W for YOUR happines. You need to break this codependcy cycle and find happines for you. Continuing to be this emmeshed in your relationship is only going to lead to furhter unhappiness for you and your W.

[~Sol]

Is there a book I can read about this?

[EmtnRllrCstr]

I think there is a book called codependency nomore. I have not read it but put it my list of books to read.

[PArob]

Yes, the book is called "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.

[MuddleThrough]

Here's an interesting web-page on this subject (warning: there's a LOT of reading here): http://www.joy2meu.com/Topics.html

[MuddleThrough]

Sorry, I didn't link to the appropriate place on that site. Try this:

http://www.joy2meu.com/Codependence1.html

[12102006]

Sol

My email is [e-mail]...it's a blind box for the
DB friends...I'll be home tonight...feel free to write.

[~Sol]

Thank you 1210...

Sent email...

[whatisis]

Kml, I think you are forgetting ABUSE! It is not appropriate for kids to witness physical assault by one parent on another. That is emotionally devastating. I agree with that in many cases, divorce is self centred. People just refuse to work hard to change the R, the kids suffer. It's just become too easy to say "Oh, we just weren't right for each other", "We just don't communicate" Crap! You don't because you don't want to. BUT kids witnessing abuse, that 's a way different thing. Sol needs to look at the welfare of his kids and that may mean doing something like leaving. I am not advocating it one way or the other. It's Sol's job to decide, he knows best.