hi everyone, Hoping to get some advice?? This is my situation, bomb Oct 2006, i asked him to to leave Oct 2006. Feb 07 he breaks up with OW, and is being a lot nicer to me. 2 weeks later he goes back to OW, and tells me he has to because he wants to live his life righteously?? 3 weeks later he breaks up with other women. March he moves bad, says he's uncomfortable with friend he been staying with, we do not have the money for him to rent an apt, so I agree to let him move home. Things have been going great, he's been treating me with more respect and we email each other all day. last sunday he went out I think with a friend that may be a female, not sure and then he didn't come home!!! i called him because I was upset and told him I loved him and didn't understand why he could go back to the OW because he had to live his life rightously, but his wife and son didn't desrve that!!! I told him I knew he still loved me and he didn't deny it. The next morning he asks if I'd like to go out with him and my son for Mother's Day. I don't understand what he doing, he has told me he has seen how much i have changed for the good and that I'm awsome and we need each other, yet he still says we are separated???
I got that he moved home because there was really no w here else to go. But the way you described it was as htough he was back with you and not feeling separated.
It's time for some boundaries. First...no more I Love You s
Now, if he is living at home, he WILL ACT LIKE AN APPROPRIATE SPOUSE. Make that a boundary rule. If HE CHOOSES to not be an appropriate spouse, then he also chooses to live somewhere else.--thus you are not the one kicking him out.
Appropriate spouse doesn't mean through the crisis, sleeping in the marital bed, affection.
Appripriate doesn't mean he will not yell and be angry, vent, push your buttons.
Appropriate means he abides by the mariatl vows--basically FIDELITY.
If he is MLC MArch was WAY too soon for a real return--March of next year would probably still be too soon. He will cycle and OW's cling. Read the resources and educate yourself on the process of MLC.
And...can you review why you think this is MLC...other than the infidelity?
thanks for responding!! He moved back but is living in lower level of our house, however we eat together, we go out for dinner as a family, the only thing that is different is that we are not sleeping together. I have seen some signs that he is a MLC including depression the anger, he has had a lot of guilt for what he has done and has told me he is not worthy of me. We have been getting along better now then we have in almost 4 years. We have had a lot of pressure on us lately including a young son and we also built a large home, I mean he built us a large home, that we really can't afford. He also hates his job. I just don't understand why he would tell me I'm awesome and that we need each other but still wants to be separated?? Why the day after I tell him I love him, does he invite me out for dinner for Mother's day?
