Well...guys, I thought I was finally over H and ready to move on and so when my H waent on a business trip a few weeks ago ,....I did a no- no, I called the OW andleft a message that she can have him papers and all ,but that she had to put the pressure b/c H would not move out and that in the meantime I would also put the pressure on and continue to tell him to move out. I honestly believed or "tricked" myself into thinking thats what I wanted. WHen he returned he jsut kept saying that thats not whaat he wanted,but stupi me couldn't keeep my mouth shut. I said well just tke enough clothes for the rest of hte week,so.. on a Wendnesday night he did and did not return until(i think Saturday). I said I think b/c Saturday night h called me on my cell but I did not answer and the next morning when I got home his car and shorlty after he arrived via his motorcycle.
h gave me a big hug, but the wall I had put up wouldn't let me beleive he was being sincere when he said he was sorry and that he was "done" w/ her b/c she was psycho. I knew he wasn't really "done", but I knew she must of scared him somehow. I disengaged from his hug and all day after that he was just really to himself and laid on the couch all day.
Fast forward two weeks later and now he re did the D paperwork and it's starting all over again after soooo many months of no D talk!
Our A/C is not working and I tried to stall by saying we need to get this fixed before you leave us, but he does not care and says it's my promblem. Everyday he insists I sign the papers.
Help! Do yu guys think I pushed him too much and now he had a taste of what it's like to live w/ her (even though he called her pycho). He has not been so determined like this since nine months ago!
I honestly don't know what to tell you. I think maybe that's why a lot of people are reading, but not responding. I guess your only bet is to go back to some major db'ing and hope you can turn things back around. I just don't know if that's possible though w/ you calling the OW, pushing for D, etc.
How long has the A been going on ?
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I don't know the exact amount of time, but I think it started as an EA two years ago and this last fall it became PA. I have know n since September and at the beginning of this year things seemed to be turning around. H had stopped going out and staying over night, but then I found out that the OW was using the "come bring your kids to this Bday party kinda thing on the weekends when I was busy or out of town. She knew how to get him by using the girls and saying they will have alot of fun! I became upset and changed things around decided to go semi dark and detached majorly. He then believed I was seeing soemone and I think thats when they started up again big time and he was staying out again.
yes, I know I have to start DB'ng all over again. Thank you for replying. I wondered if anyone was going to say anything at all!
In one of his emails today he said- lets not prolong this anymore b/c you and I want to be free?? I don't know where he gets that I want freedom. I told him he hs his freedom already as he comes and goes as he wishes and I don't argue about it or even argue about anything anymore!
Question- Cadesmom
I know the following statement will make me loose all if any respect H has for me,but I feel like grasping for anyhting at this point! What do you think if I told him- things are fine right now, you have your freedom and you don't have to pay me any child support!
Well, the child support comment would probably just make him mad. I don't think I would respond in that way.
I would probably respond by reiterating that you love him and still want to work your M out. Or just don't respond at all. If going semi-dark pushed him away and he is still @ the house, at times even, just be pleasant & loving to him. Act "as if" nothing is happening as far as D goes.
If it comes up, you can tell him, like I said above, that you love him and want your family to stay together.
Does that help at all? I'm surely no expert here
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Chiki, Do not tell him you don't want child support. You know the old saying "Don't cut your nose off to spite your face." I'm sure you will need the help, and you don't want him to be able to tell the judge that you said you didn't need help. Yes, I know we all say spiteful things when we are angry and upset, but calm down and try to think clearly what is best for the children. Believe me, I'm guilty of saying things I wish I hadn't said. I'm also guilty of secong guessing myself. I'm sorry you are going through this.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I have not posted to you before, I don't think, but I have seen parts of your sitch. Was wondering if you could give me a crash course on your sitch???
I see some similarities between your H and my W's craziness....
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
I don't really mean no support ONCE we have filed, but what I mean is that we don't change anything now and keep living together and him to continue w/ his freedom. He knows that we have agreed before that if he leaves legally or not he was still going to pay for the house as my child support.
Sol, I will catch you up later, gotto go now,but if your still here go to the newcommers forum where I have a thread w/ my old thread links. I don't know how to do it so someone else did it for me on one of my posts.
Chiki, I see what you mean now, I totally misinterpreted that, just worrying about your babies! Why can't they put family first just once?
It would take so much for me to walk out on my family, not just the lame saying "We've grown apart, I don't love you anymore."
We have to take care of ourselves as well as our kids. I went out with a friend last night and had a great time. We had a great dinner, that I charged to our company credit card by the way, and did a little shopping. It gives me a lot of satisfaction that the OW/his secretary is the one who has to take care of bills at the office! LOL
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I still can't get over the fact that H actually called the Ow a psycho! I think he finally got to see a bit too much of her neediness when he stayed over for 3 nights in a row. What apair! His bipolar and her psychoness!!! match made in heaven for sure!
About the child support thing.Be carefull about everything you say. child support, House, car. It may be said in anger it may be said in fear. But even though whoever you say it to knows what you mean. In court they can turn things around. Trust your enemys you know what they are capable of but with spouses ya never know.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
