I just wondered what wise vets recommended in terms of sharing with their spouse their time spent on this board?
I have not shared with my H that I post here, though in the beginning I did mention the book and I mentioned that I was finding support at a message board related to the book. He didn't act like he cared much at all.
I worry that he will check the internet history and see HOW MUCH time I've spent here, in addition to posting lots of details about our sitch, including his emails to OW, a letter he wrote to me and every relevant conversation we've had in the past few weeks.
I find it is nice to use this as a journaling space and when I get advice back, all the better. I feel like everyone here, for the most part, is of the same mentality as I am, do what needs to be done to save your marriage. Though my friends don't come out and say so, I think they would see some of my behavior as being a doormat.
Just wanted some thoughts on how others have handled this.
I'm not a "vet," but I don't think I would ever tell H about this forum. Delete your cookies?? Maybe other computer gurus know how to delete our footsteps to the Board??
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Zuzu, My H is living elsewhere so I don't have to worry about him looking at this. I do however have 2 teenage daughters, so I always delete the history of websites I have visited before signing off internet. I would not want H to look at it though because this is for my support, advice, and venting.
Yoyo
___________________________________________ Me:44 H:43 Married: 20 years Together: 24 years Children : D-18, D-15 Bomb:10/06 OW confirmed: 12/06
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Zuzu, also I have a thread over there on SSM and was just catching up on yours this a.m. and I most definitely would not show your H your thread!!!!
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Thanks a bunch for the advice. Cadesmom, that's funny. I agree that I shouldn't show him, he would probably not like it at all, but I think in reality, it's a very positive thing. I have a strong feeling, if I relied on girlfriends, etc., it would lean more towards a "man-bashing" session, you know? I mean, my girlfriends are thoughtful, but ultimately, when they see someone having problems, they want to help out you know?
My husband is out of town a lot on business so the times I spend online are usually when he's not around. But what I have told him is that I go to a web support site that helps people deal with infidelity and strengthening their marriages. He's very busy, tends to be engrossed in his own things and has little interest in what I do so I can tell him this without him wanting to see it or asking questions.
I do think of it as kind of a private place for me. A sort of support group that helps me realize I'm not alone. There are others going through the same thing. I'm not the only crazy person married to someone who has cheated on them andis trying to keep the marriage and family together in spite of this.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
