Kissak, as far as the date. The choice is always yours but if you truly want to save your marriage then act as if you are married. going out is very tempting but it opens doors that are incredibly hard to close later on. Even if your H acts like it wouldn't bother him don't buy it. It will bother him a lot. They say they don't mind because they think that it will make them feel less guilty. It might but only temporarily.
Also, don't get involved with someone else's life until you have figured out your own. It isn't fair to you or to them. You have only been at this a very short time. I strongly recommend that you don't date. Take time to get yourself to a place where you are much more stable emotionally. And don't tell me you are because I know how long this process takes and you have only just begun. You need to get to a place where you don't feel like you have to have a man in your life to feel whole. Get to where you not only believe you can survive alone but you Know you can survive alone.
ST
At the bar the Judge will not look us over for medals, degrees, or diplomas, but for scars. - Hugh B. Brown
Respond to a text if it warrants a response, otherwise do not. I usually did not respond. Sweetheart knew that I checked messages and would contact him if he needed me to.
Regarding Dating A married peson who dates someone who is not there spouse is cheating.
Sorry, I'm strict on these things.
A person whose spouse has divorced them but WANTst o be married to their spouse and awho dates someone who is not their spouse is cheating.
Basically, if you want to be married to one person you should not be dating--casually or seriosuly--someone else.
MAny MLCers SAY they want us to find someone else. And then for many it is a new reality when that actually happnes...they get scared, and try to come back too early, or get pissed...some are upset but do not show it. But they SAY they want us to find someone...they feel unworthy. It will also help alleviate their guilt for what they are doing to you and can help to justify their behaviours--well she's doing it too.
Thanks ST. I don't want to hurt anyone, I just feel so lonely. I know that I can live life without a man, honestly I felt like i have since i first got married. The first year I dated my H, he was in boot camp for Navy, then the first year we were married, NAVY, I only recently found out from MC that my husband was told that he couldn't reinlist in Navy because of cut backs, he never told me. I thought he got out because he wanted to. I asked why he never told me, he said, just didn't, that's all. Why couldn't he tell me? I will never know. But he couldn't even be open to me then. He has always worked shift jobs at night and slept during the days, Or been involved with fire/rescue, so I am use to being by myself most of the time. Just me and kids, I always had to push to do anything together as a family, If things were done like vacations, outings, anything, it was my doings. His idea of vacation is vegging out in front of tv. We never did anything together, he had his friends, which he says I never let him hang out with! LIE! I have my friends. I just think courteousy comes in to play, if your going to be over at friends house, at least let me know. I was not trying to control him. Anyway, I know that i can manage without him, I just don't want to. Oh well, I just need to quit thinking about it so much!! Thats all. I feel much more stable emotionally now than I did when he left. I probably wont go out with anyone for a while, We have both said we didn't want to do anything stupid that would hurt us later on. Although he did that 2 weeks after he left by starting a relationship with his close female friend! I just wish she would go away!!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Thanks RCR, You know, I know that I am married and actually, I did turn down the person who asked me out. I didn't want to hurt someone else. One question, if your H doesn't ever see u with someone else, even if it is to allievate his guilt, how will he ever know he might still have feelings for you? ughhhhh, how long can this go on? He does still have feelings for me, he just doesn't know it. WHY??? How, when, where, will he ever find those hidden feelings??? I have read all of the MLC resources, he is definitely having one. This is really putting my 10D through alot of unnecessary stress. He may only call or see them once a week, which is unfair to them. He loves them but just doesn't take the time out of his busy schedule to show it. In the beginning when we first separated, we agreed that he would have kids everyother weekend and every Tuesday from 5 to 8. Well when he came back wanting to work on things, I guess all of that went away. We don't live together and he does what he wants when he wants, but getting kids everyother weekend and on Tuesdays seems to have slipped his mind. Even our tax money that we agreed to split, is still setting in our joint checking acc. untouched. It's like he wants me to keep it, He hasn't said a word about it. Im sure it is to sooth his guilt over having second thoughts again. It's not like he doesnt' need it. All I hear about is how little of his check is left after child support every month. How he can't live off of what he gets. So I know that he could really use his part of the tax returns. But do u think Im going to ask if he wants it, NO, I will let it set there for him to see everytime he checks his own personal acct. If he wants it, he needs to ask. You know, today is the first day in 3 months he hasn't called me or tried to have a conversation with me. Not sure what is going through his head right now, but I will not contact him. Our son has game on thurs, so i expect to see him there, Im sure he might even call to make sure of time for game, but Im not sure how to act when he shows up. Sit with him, or what? I would love to just find some guy to just talk to that he doesn't know. See what kind of reaction I get from him. I noticed a bit of jealousy once before when i just smiled at someone, and he was like " who u smilin at?" What ever....It just really bothers me that he wont take time for his kids. Its not like i need a break, i love my kids and really don't care for them to stay with him, but i know that they need him and want to spend time with him. I think I will make a point of telling him what I expect from him as far as the kids are concerned. Paying Child Support doesn't mean u love them. Seeing them and hugging them and wanting to spend time with them shows them love. But I really dont' think he knows how to love anyone anymore, not even himself. H is supposed to have session with MC this week, I wont know if he does unless he tells me, should I ask him about if he is still going to set up session with him, or wait and see?
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
H didn't call last night at all. I am so sad. I really want to call him and make sure all is ok. But I know I shouldn't. What about our kids. He needs to call them. My daughter cried last night because she misses her daddy, my son asked this morning when daddy was coming over. What do I tell them. I want to make him feel so bad over not calling them or anything. He has seen or spoken to them for more than 2 minutes over the last 5 days. They miss him so much. I cry for them everynight. Why, how can he do this to them? I hate him so much today for what he is doing. I want to call him so bad right now and tell him off! But I know that won't help us any. Any suggestions? I know he loves his kids, he just doesn't have the commen sense to call and keep in touch.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
