trying to hold out

[Dr LOve]

7 hours and counting down until the MEETING.

[Dr LOve]

I can’t believe how scared I am right now. I can’t wait for this day to be over. I want to call the W and talk to let her know how scared I am. She is the one I have always leaned on. But now trying to “detach” I guess I shouldn’t.

5 hour 20 mins to go

[workaholics wife]

Husband, Can't wait to hear how your meeting went. I'm nervous and excited for you. I hope it went well. I tried to email you but something is wrong with yahoo mail or maybe its my computer?

[Dr LOve]

Ok everyone I survived….

It went really smooth. She was late and I was thinking she was not going to show but called me on the cell and said traffic was bad and she would be there in a minute.
We when in and my Councilor. Asked her to tell he what is going on.
My W told her that she really cares about me but does not feel (love) for me like she did when we first got married. She started crying a little.(my W not the Councilor)
She had a weak moment and got into contact with someone she really cared about in the past. She stated all that did was”muddy the water.
She is seeing her own Councilor. To try to find out what changed. Why she feels the way she does.
I pretty much kept my mouth shut. My W talked about some things her and he Councilor were doing. My councilor stated that there is obviously a communication problem in our marriage and how marriages go through stages. There is the honey moon stage where things that are alike are emphasized and things that are different between us are minimized. The next stage is things that are alike get minimized and things that are different get maximized. We kind of got stuck in that stage. She told my wife that if we both work at it we can over come this stage. She told my wife that she is sure what ever feeling the OM gave her she could get that from me. In the end my councilor asked where do we go from here?
Should we have another session, should I come back by myself? Should my W continue to see her coulcler by her self?
We agreed that we should hold of on another joint meeting at this time to give my W more time to see her Councilor. My Councilor isgoing to call me nextweek to see how I’m doing. That’s is in a nut shell

I forgot to say "you havegiven me alot to think about. I did say at the end. W just because i'm giving you space, don't tak it to mean I don't care... She replied I knnow you care

Happy ending so far?

WW did you get any of my e-mails?

[workaholics wife]

Husband....Got your emails. When I get more time alone I will respond. Sounds like the meeting went pretty good then. I think you guys should definatly have another session. I feel exactly like your wife does. I was told that if we can get through this that our marriage will be stronger than ever. My husband said he would go with me to my next therapy appt but I'll believe it when I see it. In a way I don't want him to but in another way I do. Anyway, keep up the good work husband!!

[Dr LOve]

Ok DB ers

The meeting went pretty good. My wife is truly confused. I know she does not know what she wants.
She was “lonely” and needed someone to talk to. She did say she took our marriage vows seriously and would have never thought of sleeping with another man and that if he wasn’t someone she had cared for in the past it would not have happened.
I believe her. I think this MARRIED guy is just a player. I think he is using her.
Anyway I think in her confused state at this time he and I are on equal ground except I am here and he is in another state. So the game of winning the girl is on my home turf.
She did bring up that some how I communicate best through E-mails so her councilor wants me to start e-mailing her. I’m trying to detach and GAL but I need to communicate through E-mails. Any suggestions’ on what I should write? We did have a little talk before bed. (Still sleeping in separate rooms) I thanked her for showing up and to;d her “she has given me a lot to think about”. She said she thought is was a good idea because now my councilor knows her and knows where she is coming from and my C will be able to help me. My W is going to ask her C at their next meeting about me coming to one of hers so her C can meet me and get to know me.
Sounds like we are making progress right?

[andyv]

Husband,

Sounds like great progress to me. I think you two should probably have another meeting together, as I think alot of issues were talked about and many positive things came out.

I have read through your sitch, but could not find any info on how long it took for your wife to agree to counselling?

Did she go off the rails for some time before agreeing?

I was just wondering, because my W refused a few months ago, but her symptoms are so similar to your W's. I know that she would gain alot from counselling, if not for our R, it would help her in future R's.

Anyway, well done buddy. It all sounds positive to me.

[Dr LOve]

andyv
She has said she wanted to go to a C awhile back to find out how come she was feeling the way she was. SHE recognized at the time something was not right. If course she waited to long and then this happened. She has never said she was a D or to be Separated. We don’t fight. We really get along pretty good except in the emotional part of our marriage. We are more like roommates.

In a small way I wish we did fight or I could get angry with her then it would not be as confusing for me.

[runningoutoftime]

Husband,

You need to dump the roommate thing and start romancing your wife. You need to become good friends, have special times together, do fun things, go out hiking together, talk about your thoughts, bond. Maybe start with building a good friendship then send her sexy text messages on the phone, bring flowers, try to say and do things that make her feel special. The problem with being married for awhile is people start getting lazy, they stop dating their spouses. You need to treat her like your girlfriend, or a date, not like your roommate.

[Dr LOve]

Run out

NO Romance at this time would and has pushed her away. When I did give flowers and tried that in the beginning of this that’s when she started backing off. She said didn’t want to send and “Wrong” messages. What I need to do now is plan some ‘fun” things and maybe get her quite things. NO MUSHY stuff yet. We are starting out again. I would not tell some woman I just met ILU and bring her Romantic stuff on a first date. And that is kind of where we are.
I have read thru many posts here how the W writes how she went from being ignored to being smothered. REMEMBER Baby steps