Ok - gonna try this again [url=http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1021408&page=1#Post1021408[/url]
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Ok its not working - can someone link this one to the old one? or at least tell me how to do it?
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Well, thanks for GEL my thread is up and running so we can continue on with the interesting topic of the Whore/Madonna man
My H is still not "talking" with regard to the subject we fought about 2 days ago. I feel as though he is feeling a little bad for yelling thing. He always told me he doesn't like people that yell at each other because "you can ready damage someone's emotions and you can't take it back" - hmmmm interesting
I am planning on briefly discussing the issue at supper tonight. I don't want to dwell on it but he did say he needed a couple of days to think about it and he's had a couple of days. So, let's have a response buddy!
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
You've given him a couple of days to think about what was said and to cool down. Now revisit it set down your boundary...that this is something that is non-negotiable...his own actions have dictated that complete transparency from him is a must. He has no one to blame for that but himself.
Stay calm, no matter how upset he gets...DO NOT LOSE YOUR COOL. The more calm you stay the more gravity is given your words.
It's going to be tough not losing my cool but the better I do, the harder it is going to be for him to fight back. Can't fight with someone that is not responding can ya?
And, if I don't get anywhere tonight (and I am not holding my breath on that one) I will bring it up again at the C's office tomorrow (I just hope he doesn't use some lame excuse that he can't make it because he has to work) but that's being negative and I have to think positive right now
Here goes!!
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
YAY !!!!!! He backed down and agreed that he would show me the cell and visa bills - I am soooooooooooo relieved. He still refuses to allow me access to the information online but I think that has more to do with his paranoia regarding people stealing your identity than anything (he has always been that way and won't even do telephone banking) so I am ok with that.
It started out with a regular supper talk and I knew he was getting ready to cut the conversation short (probably because he knew I would bring something up eventually) - anyway, I said "on another subject, you said you needed a couple of days to think about what we talked about the other night. It's been a couple of days, do you have an answer". Well, he got a little sarcastic, but that's his way of avoidance and always has been, I am used to that. With a little smirk on his face he said "what answer are you looking for". There was a little more dancing around and I could tell he was getting annoyed but I didn't back down, however I remained cool as a cucumber (except for some tears when I had to talk about how I was feeling - which is understandable). He tried at least 6-7 of his usual lines with me but I remained calm and had wonderful comebacks. Especially when he went off on some tangent about "when I have a problem I fix it ... I've put myself into situations and had to get myself out of them" mode and that's when I went in for the kill. He told me after the A that he was just "trying to help her" - ya whatever.
So that's where he started crumbling. I said "you weren't in a relationship with her and yet you tried to help her right" - he agreed. He also gave me the line that she had 3 kids and needed the money (I don't deny she did but they weren't his kids) Then I said "but you weren't the one that put her in that position, so why did you feel you had to help her?" - no answer
Then I said, "but here I am, your wife, and from no fault of my own I am having to deal with this pain. I didn't put myself here, you did. But you won't even help the person you say you love, and yet you will help someone who you have no connection to." There was nothing he could say, he was trapped. I kept repeating that I did nothing wrong to deserve this but I was trying to dig myself out of the mess he had dumped on me and the least he could do was help me by providing me with the "key" I needed to do that, the rest would be up to me once that was done. He tried with all his might to dance around the subject but I calmly kept coming back to it at least a half a dozen times. He never said he would actual help me so I had to keep asking "are you going to help me or not". He went on and on about being private and "there are things some people don't need to know" and that's when I said "but I'm not just "some people", I'm your wife, the woman that has been by your side regardless of how much pain you have caused me, don't I deserve a little more than you are giving?"
This of course, is the Readers Digest version but you get the drift. Finally he said, he would provide me with what I needed and we agreed we wouldn't talk with the C about it right now. I am willing to let it go for the time being so we can concentrate on something else. I pretty much know he didn't want to talk to C because C would agree with me and he didn't want to be embarassed.
Then I even pushed a little further with the whole thing because he VERY reluctantly agreed about the bills and I knew he didn't have printouts of the details of his account (he cancelled those and just gets the total amount owing) but I want the printouts that shows ALL the cell calls. So he is going to have to call the company and get them to change his account in that regard. So I asked that he make sure the date he went to the other city accessible and he said he would call the cell company and reinstate them sending the full printouts. I will continue to push the issue and make sure that has been done because the cutoff date for his billing is the 13th and if he doesn't do it soon, he will miss it for this month (how convenient eh?) so I will make sure it is taken care of tomorrow or the next day (with no excuses as to why he can't do it). If he can call around for parts for his Jeep he can do something important like this
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
