Sometimes in life it is always hard to tell what the other person is thinking. They have problems as well as you, your dearest friend and companion can suddenly become your worst enemy. Feeling distant you can no longer approach them. The more you try the harder it becomes. Depression and Despair become us, no matter how hard we try to prevent the inevitable, death becomes us. As a very good friend of mine once put, either you are working on living or you are working on dieing. Which is it?
My wife is very upset with me................In all honesty it is all of my fault. Truthfully though the only real affair I ever have had was with a bottle of Kettle One and Red Bull!!!!!! My affair has been with booze. It's very unfortunate a man raised in a very good home would resolve to such measures, it really is riducleous what I have become!!!
" I know that I have to be firm and only take him back under the conditions that you mentioned but I guess where I am troubled is that I can't even get him on board with the M right now let alone any treatment. "
Take the M off the table. You shouldn't even consider attempting an M with H at this point.
As for H being truthful, blah blah blah. No, he has not been. You already know this has been going on at least two years. Behavior like this doesn't start out of the blue. It doesn't SUDDENLY seem OK to go out and fukc a stranger you found on the internet. This behavior was probably preceded by hidden porn, compulsive masturbation, phone sex, cybersex, and so on. It might very well have started when he was sent a way as a kid -- a kid who discovered masturbation as a great way to self-sooth but was incredibly shamed by it. Who knows. It doesn't matter. Compassion is good, it can help you with your anger. But, it won't fix him.
BTW, your H seriously needs to grow up and gain some emotionally maturity. It is probably not possible for him to do that in the context of your M. For whatever he needs to do, he needs lots of space and lots of time. So, again, quit worrying about fixing the M. Let it go for now. You don't need to move ahead with a D. You certainly don't need to get involved with anyone. But, putting energy into hanging onto or restoring your M right now will be counterproductive in many ways.
I know you are right and I am trying hard to detach and make myself completely unavailable. I know that he has to earn my trust back after a lot of maturing and work on himself. It's just hard being he was my life for so long. But I am trying!! Today is the first day that he won't see either of our kids or talk to them at all. It will be interesting to see if he calls here to say good night to them. Our S4 is going to be devastated if he doesn't. Oh well, he will lose both his kids and then maybe he will figure it out! I went to the gym tonight, came home, made dinner for my kids and just put them to bed. I am not calling, I am not texting, I am doing absolutely nothing. I can't get out of my mind what he could be doing though. Is he at the office like he says he is, is he out with the guys, is he out with the girl from work, is he out with someone else? AAAH It is enough to drive me crazy! I am not working at anything right now, I am trying to just accept my awful reality and move forward as best I can.
Well he called last night to say good night. At 9 pm. No hello to me, just.. can I say good night? I put S4 on the phone and he said good night. He was preoccupied with his game boy which I hope made H sad that he wasn't getting the attention. Then they hung up. I am feeling so lost! I am so afraid to let go. I know I have to pull it together for the kids and I do when I am around them but I am barely functioning at work. My days is torturous! I count the hours until it ends and I can possibly see him for 5 minutes while we exchange the kids. He picks them up from school since I can't leave in time. But every exchange is just a reminder of how uncomfortable we are around each other suddenly. Just the smallest and most common gestures are awkward. His hugs goodbye are vacant and emotionless.
I need to get mad but right now I am so devastated by this that I can't get past my sorrow! I don't know how much more of this I can take. My body is fighting this. I am constantly feeling sick. I am tired, I am starting to have panic attacks again. Today I had 3. I know it is going to take time but I just miss him so much.
i just wanted to let u know that i feel for u. my h just left me and kids for ow and we have been married for 11years. the same feelings and thoughts that u have are the same ones that i ahve had. i have always told my h that if i ever found out that he had an EA that it would be an automatic D and now i want my h back to. i know that this is not the man i married and that he can be the man i married again(just get rid of the ow). and dont 4get the counceling. also my sister had given me the book divorce remedy and it is how i found this website and i loved the book so it is worth the time to read. i never read the book divorcebusting but i am going to go get it when i have a chance i feel like i could get some more ideas that maybe wasnt in divorce remedy.i hope that things get better but i am right there with u. i have my hard days(like yesterday and today) but i know i would not be doing as well as i am if it wasnt for my family and this website.
me-30 h-38 m-11 yrs s-6 s-7 ss-13 h left-april 21,2007 found out of ea april 1, 2007
