How to detach/GAL whilst W is in new EA-PA?

[andyv]

Has anyone else been in a situation like this.

Wife is going through MLC, last 6 months.

She has developed an EA with kick boxing coach about 2 months ago, known him for 7 months.

Regardless of what I have heard from others regarding that he is not interested in starting a relationship with someone 10 years older with a child, I think her constant pursuit of him has possibly or will possibly lead to PA.

She cant stop txting or calling or meeting with him, and loves being around him. He has many female friends that are non-PA's.

She went interstate with her two girlfriends and he went on his own to catch up with them (don't know if he took any friends). This was a shopping trip (brand depots tour).

Everything points to PA.

Has anyone experienced the beginnings of a EA/PA and what was their spouses demenour towards them when at home? Friendly, angry, distant etc etc.

We have been getting on really well of late (as friends) and she told me all about how fun the trip was, what she bought etc etc.

During our marraige she has been very remorseful when she has lied to me, or done things she is afraid of, and cant hide it at all (no poker face).

She was honest enough about telling me how she really likes being with him, he makes her happy and she wont rule anything out regarding a relationship in the future.

But when I asked if they had discussed this, she said that they had not discussed a relationship, he knew her situation and she did not know how he felt about her (other than friend).

Any takes on this.

P.S I still think he may be gay.

[JAK58]

Andyv,
When my H first started his EA he would come home from work and talk about her all the time OW this and Ow said that, i got sick of hearing that and said something about it and he never mentioned her again. Over the following year he grew very distant and i asked him about it in Oct. and he told me he wasn't happy hadn't been for a while and had thought about leaving but that it scared him to death. I had found thank-you cards from her and her daughter and he told me it wasn't me it was him he thought he was having an MLC.i started DB'ing in Dec after finding this site. and things are much better than they were he even told me he loved me the other day and he hasn't said this in almost 2 years.

You can follow my sitch.There is hope you just have to learn to detach and become mysterious(vague) it does work. don't talk about the R unless she does first,at least until you have some kind of commitment that she wants to work on the R.

Since i have givin you advise i need to look at it to remind myself of my goals. It has been working for me but lately i have been thinking i need some answers to the last year and a half. and i think he's trying to brush it under the rug and i won't have that as i need to know some things to move forward.

Good luck to you and your marrige,

[JAK58]

I am wondering if he is gay also. How can he have all these girls that he goes on trips with and talks to and have no R.

[andyv]

Thx Jak58,

I have detached even more over the last week.

My W has Mon/Tue/Wed and Sat nights to do her thing (Kick boxing, rock climbing and going out, and I have Thu/Fri.

We spend alot of time with DD on our nights off, and weekend.

I did not come home on Thu night (last night) and stayed at my sisters house (W does not know where I stayed).

She left a message on my mobile (11:30 am) whilst I was at work today, stating that DD (7 y/o) was asking about me all night, and DD was worried about me (nothing about W being worried). DD finishes school at 5:00 pm, why the early call?

DD goes to bed at 8:30 pm (I get home later than that on Thu nights) and then I go to work at 6 am (DD gets up at 8 am).

So I really don't think DD would have asked about me at all, she would have been asleep and not even noticed I did not come home.

I am staying at my sisters again tonight (we went to see a movie and dinner), probably get home at around 7 am tomorrow (DD has her soccer game at 9 am).

I am not going to elaborate on my movements over the last week (as I have been guilty of being too honest and telling W everything eg how I feel, where I have been, how I have not even thought about looking for another relationship etc etc).

I think my constantly being there for her has made things too easy for her, she is having her cake and eat it too.