Not much new to report. Getting the house ready to sell. I have been working on Rob's advice and I'm slowly coming around, which is good because it is in the right direction. I'm still not snooping, also good. I received a book from the Employee Assistance Program from work called, "Rebuilding - When your relationship ends". It is by Bruce Fisher and Robert Alberti, it is a very good book and it talks of the 19 steps to rebuilding yourself into a healthy individual that is ok being single. I'm kinda bouncing around in the first 8, mostly the first 5.
W is further away than ever. So I am working on me and spending as much time with the kids as possible. I'm working on building friendships and taking a close look at who I was and am and where I can improve as a person. It is hard because now I see where I was so deficient as a friend and partner. So as I discover and grow, it is painful to know I should have done this long ago. This book is very helpful, it tells how a mature healthy person can be perceptive and adapt with flexablity to changes in their partner. That would have made all the difference in my sitch. They have another book out I'm going to order called Loving Choices, it is about communication. That's it for now, 4
What a wonderful post. It sounds like you are really making tremendous strides in turning this godawful, unwanted experience into something really really healthy.
I've read Dr. Fisher's book three times, and it has been very helpfull in determining where I was in my recovery and the path I needed to follow. I pick it up every few months and read cover-to-cover, or, most recently, just cherry pick a chapter that seems relevant.
It also helped avoid certain behaviors that I believe would have delayed my trek up the mountain.
Don't be too hard on yourself. One thing we all assume with our life partner is truth and honesty. If your spouse slides into MLC and has an A, it's hard to weather that storm.
Hi almosthopeful and Hardlesson Thanks for the support, I very much appreciate it. I have read ahead a bit though I keep reading the first 5 because that is where I am. 1) is denial, I still am there at times, hard to believe but sometimes I wake up thinking this is all just a bad dream and there is time to fix things. I have to stop myself from trying to go into the past about a 50 times a day. 2) is fear, I have lots of fears. How much more is this going to hurt, how long is going to hurt this bad. I'm worried I will start a relationship with someone by rationalizing it rather than seeing it as a way to escape the pain. Fortuantely I have not met anyone who I would want to be in a relationship with. I've had some interst, which is nice, but nothing that has peeked my interest. I'm in no shape for anthing any way. I can barely function at a normal level let alone be in relationship with anyone. 3) adaptation, 4) loneliness - lots of that, 5) frienship - working on building those. I jump up to 6) rejection, 7) grief and 8) anger at times. I thought the bomb was the most humbeling experience of my life. Growing and learning from this book is much more humbeling. I feel embarrassed a times, angery at myself at times, ashamed of my arrogance and ignorance. I will be glad when I have climbed higher and I'm able to forgive myself. Well I'm off to read my new favorite book and have the hockey game on in the back ground, over-time ya know. 4
hey 4 just checking in on you. everything fine here. i am giving my wife one month of darkness and see what happens. then if there is no results i am filing for divorce. i am tired of it. my wife has got so many issues that have nothing to do with me that i should probably run for my life. maybe i will thank her for the opportunity to get out. keep up the positive stuff we will get through this. tough times don't last tough people do.
