what are you doing about it? Although the recidivism rate is lower for intra(inside) family, it's still alarming. Cannot just be ignored, and you can't let him around younger kids. How old was he when these things happening? The younger he was the better, for lack of a better phrase.
I know someone close who did do things like this, from at least a few times in his teen years, until he exposed himself to two girls in college. Went to pretty intense counselling and was scared "straight" I think.....it has been 15 years and as far as I know, no more of that. And he's married, but who really knows I guess. Thing is, no way could the family pretend it didn't happen. But it's really hard to deal with, I'm sure. Please don't feel guilty unless you can think of something YOU did and if you can, apologize for it and move forward. Have you gotten counselling for it? As a mom of a s20, I'd need it. So sorry about it all. Tragedy for many. j-
Last edited by 25yearsmlc; 05/09/0703:42 AM.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
You know, 25yrs, that was an interesting study you cited. When our S was very small, H and I were talking abou this very thing, how a child could be convinced of something that didn't happen. I made something up, like a blue dog that had walked through the living room, and had that child convinced that he had seen it himself, and remembered it. We didn't have any dog, much less a blue one.
But, anyway child molestation is such a serious thing, I hope cj, he is getting help so he can stop this behavior, or honestly I hope if he does it ever again, he will be put in a place where he will never do it again.
yeah sorry for the hijack. But of course, had to add one personal anecdote. When I was 5, I SAW Santa Claus flying with his reindeer in the sky. I can literally still "picture" it...I woke my 6 y/o brother and he "Saw it too!" Like I said, I still remember what he looked like...
I'll post more later, hope your day is a good one. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
vc, I think I've posted successfully under piecing....
btw, it's a rant I believe...so, you are warned. thanks, j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Sorry I haven't been around much lately I don't seem to get a minute. Its interesting reading your last few posts about how your H says things you did were abusive yet you cannot see it. I have this same problem with my H but not on such a grand scale as calling it "abuse". Whenever I say anything that is not bowing down at his feet like even a suggestiong that something would be better done differently or whatever he says I'm getting at him. He is always telling me I'm shouting at him or being stroppy with him when my voice isn't even raised and when we try and talk about it all he says its not so much what i say but the way I say it. I ask him how he thinks I should say things so as not to get this reaction from him and he cannot tell me. He is in the same line of work as your H so I wonder if 25 years' theory is right.
Anyway that's all for now as I'm shattered. We put S into his first bed a few weeks ago and now he's getting me up very very very early whereas before in his cot he'd settle himself back down. He's exhausted and I'm exhausted - maybe I should put his cot back up until he's older so I can get some beauty sleep!
Good morning to everyone, and I hope all who read this are seeing great improvements in their M's. I have been taking a break from here, but coming maybe once a week to see how certain ones were doing.
I guess piecing is the place to be, while my H still hasn't expressed any remorse over his EA, I feel he is trying to make an effort to show me he is being a better H.
One weird thing he is doing, though, is some, I think, inappropriate joking with me, by saying when I had some bruises on my arms, that my boyfriend probably grabbed me and put them there. I just said oooh, gross to him, and went into the other room. He has made other jokes that seemed to be laughing at our sitch, but seem to be somewhat in a nervous way, like he wants to see my reaction.I usually just give him a weak smile, and say nothing. He has only done this a few times. I just wonder what it means when they feel comfortable enough to do that.
About a week ago, he called me, and I wasn't home, and he left a message, and at the end of it, he said, I will be home after while, and umm uh, I Love You, bye. He sounded a little nervous doing it, too. I saved that message, because it is the first time in maybe a couple of years he has said ILY on a message.
Things are seeming a little more peaceful here, and he talks to me a lot more, like he hasn't in a long time. It's like he is telling me everything. He still gets irritated with me, and will say so, and one day a couple of weeks ago, he had me crying because of something mean he was saying to me. I think that is the first time in a long time he really saw the hurt he was causing me.
I am having the same issue as I have read others have had or are having with my anger starting to come out, and I have to try hard not to let it show. Some days, I have felt like just screaming at him and wanting to slap his face, and this feeling just comes out of nowhere. The other day, I felt my anger at him rising, and walked into the kitchen, and told myself to always return evil with good. That and the big old red stop sign which I really do use.
IP, in your post you said your H was in the same line of work as mine. Really? You never said so before. I would like to hear more about how you are able to handle the crazy hours and other stuff. I hope your S is letting you finally get some sleep. When we put pour S into his first bed, he was so thrilled with the new house and all that he never realized he was alone down the hall from us.
Well, that's all I can think of for now. Ain't yall glad??
I started to reply to you a few days ago and computer froze in the middle of it and has taken a few days to get back online - I hate computers for that.
I'm really glad things sound so much better for you and your H. I was typing originally that I felt the same anger you are feeling about needing some sort of apology or thanks or something and that it is their turn to help save our M's. But since then something has happened at my end I won't hijack your thread with it but have posted it in Piecing entitled bombs keep dropping.
Anyhow in answer to your question about our H's doing the same job etc. I don't think I do really handle the crazy hours I just sort of muddle through them in a daze until it his day off. Since we got back together I've hated his night shifts because I miss him sleeping next to me so very very much. I end up staying up until the early hours until I'm exhausted enough to just drop off. Before the bomb I didn't mind his night shifts as we just weren't getting on. I hate it when he's late because as you know its usually because something has kicked off somewhere and 9 times out of 10 they can't even ring to let you know. although having said that H is a lot better at that since we got back together he tries his very best to let me know. His day shift is great he's home really early and we see each other a lot more but once every five weeks he has this quick turn around shift where we just don't see each other appart from me talking to him for 5 mins while he gets a shower to go to work. That lasts for 4 days and I hate it, I feel so alone. How do you handle the hours??
Hi there L, hope you're doing OK still. Missing our "chats" since I've not been coming on here very much - I seem to just flop into bed after S is in bed as he is really wearing me out at the minute!
How are things with your peicing - still improving I hope. IP
