I guess I need to start from the beginning. I'm 38 my H is 40. We have a S14. We've been together for 22 years and the first marriage lasted 17. We D after his affair and walk out in 2005/2006. He was in Iraq when he met OW. We D in May of 06 and re-married in July of 06 (I know...short lived D) but we were separated from Dec 05 until D.
OK...maybe you can follow some of this or maybe I'm just rambling...I don't know anymore...there's so much to tell.
H met OW in Iraq and OW ended up moving across country to be with him in our state when they returned. She now lives 4 miles from us.
First of all...I would never have re-married him again if I thought that A was still going on. I had started GAL and basically he didn't like it. He wanted me back only to keep someone else from having me.
I love this man more than I understand. He was and has always been my first love. He loves me but I honestly think he can't give up this OW and it's taking a toll on me greatly.
I have caught the two of them together more than once and just the other day I found out that he spent Tuesday with her out of town for her birthday. He was supposed to have been on a business trip.
I am trying my best to hold it together and not confront him because he would only lie and there's no reason to stir up a hornets nest right now. When I say that I mean that he leaves on May 5th to go back to Iraq for 6 months.
I love this man....this is so hard. Why can't she see that she's only ever going to be the OW. I'm NOT GIVING UP ON MY MARRIAGE!!
My clues to say that he's in MLC... He's 40..He just bought a Harley and new Mustang Shelby, he's getting gray...and losing it too....and STRESSED to the max basically because he's having a hard time carrying on two lives.
The only thing I know that I have to do is stay calm. It's really hard. By the way, did I mention that I have to go to an Oncologist on Thursday to have a bone marrow aspiration to see if I have some form of blood disorder cancer.
At this point in my life I need my husband more than ever and he's only giving me "parts" of him. It's killing me knowing that he's sharing his heart with someone else.
CALGON...TAKE ME AWAY!!
M-38 H-40 MLC S15 A started in 5/05 S in 12/05 D in 05/06 re-M in 07/06 A FINALLY over as of 5/07
I'm sorry to hear of your health issues and the added stress is not heping you at all.
OW can stay around for awhile as my H has been carrying on with OW for almost three years but they have been living together for almost one year now.
Your H went on a spending spree, huh? Could it be that OW is someone who understands him with regard to when he was in the military because she was there? I know these A's hardly ever last but it is an addiction and band-aid for other problems.
So he still lives at home, right?
Another great source of comfort for us has been the Charlyne newsletters about marriages and restoration of marriages.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Yes...stress is killing me so to speak. This OW is like a thorn in my side...and to this day, I've never spoken a word to her face.
Yes...he went on a spending spree...but only after she did. She's an attorney for the Army and she makes very good money. She's tried to buy him many times. She sends him gifts and stuff shows up around here all the time.
They do have the common bond of military. She's never been married and she's 41 with nothing to lose. She sees the prize (my husband) and she's doing everything she can to get it.
Yes...he's at home. We just bought the house in October and he'll be leaving again in 2 weeks.
This is so overwhelming...I'm just trying to stay afloat so to speak. I just want her to go away but she's stuck here in her current position for at least another year.
M-38 H-40 MLC S15 A started in 5/05 S in 12/05 D in 05/06 re-M in 07/06 A FINALLY over as of 5/07
Wow...welcome JB...to the worlds crappiest club none of us wanted to join...sounds like MLC 2 me....your on the right track......but no they dont away easily mine has had one for a year...except shes trailer trash and was gold digging.....now my H is broke and is willing to give it all up for her.....and she'll take it. Sad state of affairs...he wants her...his soulmate.....blah blah blah....yup spending spree, new motorcycle......new friends.....oh yeah H is 50 OW is 25...and he doesnt get it.......
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
I am at work on a different computer. I go by the name of "Goal" now.
I am sorry you are going through this. If your H is in MLC, the OW is nothing, nada, dirt, non-important, etc....
Work on yourself and take care of yourself. No man is worth you getting ill/sick over. Your son needs you now more than ever.
Are you following the DB techniques: 1. no crying, begging, pleading with H. 2. no pursuing behaviors 3. no relationship talks 4. get a life 5. act happy when he sees you 6. don't always be available etc................
Forget the OW exists, she is a crutch for his pain. Your H cannot have any meaningful relationship while he is in MLC. He has to go through all the stages to find his way back to you.
I'm so sorry about your situation.....especially about you not feeling good and having to go to the oncologist....I hope that turns out allright for you, I really do !!
Your H, well, Steelers is right he's probably still stuck in replay ....
How come you got divorced and re-married so quick last year ? Did he stop seeing OW at the time ?
We're all here for you, so you're in a safe place !!
Take care !! Bless you
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
john's B,,,Jack is right,,the military frowns on adultery and if i'm not mistaken one of the branches of military, I thought, said something about going to the stockade for a little bit if one of them is an Officer??! Have you heard of this Jack??
Certainly,,I'd let people know,,especially the fact that shes' an attorney, you are currently married to this man for the 2nd time and that the 1st marriage lasted so long!
Personally,,,I think shes' ruining her career by being 41yrs, never being married and pursuing your H,,,its' obvious to me that shes' DESPERATE!! Its' got to be obvious to everyone else on base as well?!
Another thing to think of, just grasping at straws here, but have checked out if they are married?? With the merry-go-round thing w/M & D it could be that hes' been lying to you both & the military Definately prosecutes for Bigamy!
Just a thought! I hope you are able to GAL again so it doesn't hurt so bad!
Good Luck, Kim
M44H44 M18 T22 Sep7yrs-3/10 S23,22,15,11 10/07I file 2/08D postponed by H 2/09D on 3/09H moves in 8/09I kick H out 9/09H-PA 10/09-2/10mediate 3/10OW discoved 5/10H&OW engaged 7/10DDay w/atty
OK...let me go ahead and tell you...they are both officers and they got caught while in Iraq. They lied on government documents and I have all the proof in the world to permanently damage both of them. But...what good would that do me. We would lose everything that we have if he lost his job and his retirement. He knows that I would never do that to him because it would only hurt my son's future.
You are right when you say that she's desperate. I've heard through the grapevine that she's never had a relationship before and she's not going to give up on this one. She pushed for the divorce last year and he in turn pushed me into it. I never wanted it. But, I finally accepted it and started moving on. That's what woke him up. I got a life...one without him. It drove him crazy.
He begged and promised me the world to let him back in and I gave in. The only problem was...I found out not long after that time that he had never really broke it off with her. He did, but she begged him to contiune the relationship.
He is a reservist...she's active duty. So, there is really no chain of command that is watching him. However, she was told to stay away from him by her command and hasn't. By the way, she's a Lt.Colonel. So, basically she is in the top of her command and they are over looking it.
My life feels like such a soap opera...I'm ready for it not to be on the top of the ratings so it can be discontinued!
M-38 H-40 MLC S15 A started in 5/05 S in 12/05 D in 05/06 re-M in 07/06 A FINALLY over as of 5/07
