Once you turn the situation over to a lawyer, you risk losing all control!
When I consulted my lawyer last year, it was only for advice about legal protection for my house and remainder of savings from H's out-of-control spending. Lawyer made me feel so bad about not wanting to file for divorce (b/c of all the damage that H had done), that I left his office in tears.
The lawyer also told me that filing for a legal separation is a waste of time b/c separations usually wind up in D anyway and it would cost me twice as much money.
After stalling for months while H continued his craziness and uncontrolled spending, I reluctantly told my L to file the paperwork for D. When H was served, he went ballastic.
We didn't talk for 5 months.
Things were gradually getting better between H and me since January of this year, that's when I thought he was hitting bottom.
Today, without any consultation with me, my L filed contempt charges against H with consequences of jail and liens on his house and property. This on the heels of his criminal trial last month when he was placed on probation for two years.
I don't know. I'm so upset that I probably shouldn't even be posting right now. My L should have talked to me before filing contempt charges. I told him as much on the phone today.
My friends say that H should have seen this coming. He was flaunting the judge's orders. That may be true, but it doesn't make me feel any better.
I'm still very upset. If there was any hope in my sitch with H, it's gone now. He would never believe that I wasn't behind the contempt charge. In fact, it started out "Now comes the Plaintiff, Valeria XXX, ..." and my L signed (for me) on the last page.
I keep thinking that things couldn't get worse, but they do.
My couns's wife told me that you are gagged and silenced when you begin the divorce process. Of course hers was nasty and very bitter.
YR--been thinking of you!!
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I forgot to answer your question. I don't know why the lawyer did this. It was originally my L's idea that H and I would sign quit claim deeds on each other's property. I was agreeable to that. When L found out last week that H built a new house on the property he bought last Fall, he was furious. He told me that H was in contempt of court, but I had no idea that he was going to file contempt charges.
I'm extremely angry that L didn't inform me first.
I know this is very very hard. I'm so sorry. But....
Anger at something that is over and done is not going to fix it. Maybe your lawyer will send a letter to your husband's lawyer "apologizing" (in lawyer speak, of course) for being a dolt. Maybe he won't.
Your lawyer sounds like he believes in principles. That is a good thing. At the risk of sounding PollyAnnaish, maybe this is a positive after all.
Your husband was just called on the carpet over his shenanigans. Is it what you wanted? No, but as an officer of the court, your lawyer may have felt an obligation. (I don't know this, obviously)
Please, so you don't go batty, try to see the bright side here. Your husband was dumb, got called on it, now he has to fix it.
The day you filed, you made a promise that you would let go and see where things went.
And, this is one of those turns that twisted in the sitch. It's not right the L did not contact you, and I think he's a very protective L, which can be a good thing.
Also, remember this. We all know, well enough now, after all this time with the nutty MLCer, that nothing will really make or break this whole thing. Sometimes the "worst" things end up being good, or having some positive, and things you thought would be "good" turn out to not mean anything at all.
You are not harming H for things he did not do...or in ways he does not truly expect to deserve at this point. You can point out the truth if you wish. But, looking at the big picture, H's mess-ups far outweigh anything you have taken action upon.
Rest easy. I'm not saying this is nothing, but we can sweat it all the time.
Let's see where this goes. Maybe another nudge for your H to fall?
You mentioned OW living in the new home being the last card...if that is true, then perhaps your L acting to your protection might be good after all.
I'm trying so hard to see a positive side to this and I thank you for your concern and encouragement.
There didn't seem to be any limits to H's MLC. Even when he began slipping into the pit, he clung to the edge like a man possessed. He's still hanging on, as far as I know, refusing to hit bottom.
There's no action without a consequence, and H should have expected to have to pay the price at some point. The "bills" are arriving all at once now, and hitting H hard. He was convicted of a felony last month and placed on two years probation. He was ordered into alcohol rehab. He also lost his job and hasn't worked for over a month.
I'm a little scared that when he receives the contempt of court charge, it will push him over the edge. OTOH, maybe it's the push he needs to hit bottom.
The whole legal thing gets ugly, confusing, and covered in spew.
You are upset cuz Huz is angry and you would like to save the M if possible. Pretend for a minute that your L doesn't know this, or is just stupidly convinced you shouldn't and it won't work anyhoo.
If you weren't interested in saving nuttin but your own best interests and the L found out your H totally mooned the courts here, he likely did what he thought best, and maybe required by law.
Doesn't mean it doesn't suk, or that the L isn't an egotistic pile. But ... maybe he isn't all that ... and this whole thing just sux cuz any and all D business just totally does.
Think about getting ready for the chance to point out to H that you didn't know anything about it and no one will ever find your signature on any of THAT [censored] paperwork!!! The fact is that you trusted him to try simply try and look out for your best interests and signed a contract that said he would do that. You aren't the L and don't know what the h*ll is happening.
If your H hadn't totally violated the court orders and you could take back what the L has done, you would. Unfortunately since your H did, and you can't, this sux for H. Tell him to ask his L how you can possible help diffuse this and you will.
Mention to H that it is not his fault if his L did not make the court orders clear, and building the house was a simple no-no, but now it needs to be addressed and resolved. Ask how you can help do that without tearing down the house, or the court building.
Put on your best groveling face, but at the same time kiddo, just realize that once again ... he totally did this to himself and wants to make you the villain. Don't believe it. Your L was likely even insulted at the perceived arrogance of your H's disregard for court orders and standing proceedings. He felt if he didn't respond with overwhelming firepower there would be no more control in this at all.
Be sure your L understands how you feel about your H regardless of statistics, and how you feel about surprises. Make sure he knows if any more surprises happen, you may have to question his representation of you, and his ethics ... legally.
