Yeah, I do understand that D15's B!tch!ness is just one of the Joys Of Parenthood, and am not all worked up about it. I am trying to get better at interacting with her, including:
"Picking my battles"
Recognizing when D15 is in One Of Her Moods and putting up the big STOP sign - any other action will just lead to mindless escalation of hostilities.
Realizing that W is not as dedicated as me to stopping escalations - and when the two of them get into it, withdrawing from the fallout zone as quickly as possible.
Remembering what it was like to be a teenager and validating her feelings when she is sucked into Big Angst-Ridden Teen Drama.
Not jumping to the conclusion that, just because there's a colossal mess in some part of the house, it must be D15's fault - it sucks to eat my words on the rare occasion when it isn't!
I could go on and on, but you get the idea...
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
[*]Realizing that W is not as dedicated as me to stopping escalations - and when the two of them get into it, withdrawing from the fallout zone as quickly as possible.
I had the vision when I read this of Monty Python and the Holy Grail when they scream, "Run away!" Nice chuckle...glad you aren't getting sucked into the teenage behavior black hole of crazy.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Rob - Wanted to check in on you, and see how things were going. I have been silently following this thread for a while... it seems that every time I have a thought or idea, somebody already jumps in and says what I was gonna say!!
Hang in there, you are doing great. I hope to be in your shoes at some point... but I know it will be a while...
[*]Realizing that W is not as dedicated as me to stopping escalations - and when the two of them get into it, withdrawing from the fallout zone as quickly as possible.
Hey Rob - you know back when i battled with my kids on a daily basis...I always hoped that my W would jump in and help in some way. I felt abandoned to deal with them on my own. And I'm not suggesting that you jump in all the time...but maybe you can teach the W some of the skills you have learned. Just a thought....
Believe me, I have tried! I'll try, as gently as I can, to suggest that the head-on strategy doesn't work, and especially that we need to let go of our grip on the reins and let D15 fall flat on her own face once in a while. W often acknowledges what I'm saying - but then dives right in during the Heat of Battle regardless.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Like I said to her on her thread, I've been thinking about her all week. Spoooooky!
Thanks!!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Rob, trying to get caught back up with you. Sorry to here of the bomb again, but you seem to be weathering the storm great. Glad you and w are doing so much together and she has more of an opportunity to see the new and improve version in a different light. Keep up the outstanding outlook and let the positives forever be within your grasp.
Hi gang, Time for an update (no Drama With A Capital D, thank goodness)...
My PMA is doing pretty well, and I've been GALing at a decent pace. Still working with my career coach once a week, working to get the high school music boosters fired up for the new school year, and doing OK at my job to keep on top of things.
W is doing OK too. We are keeping busy with social activities (many of which are driven by me - one of the old gripes was that I didn't do this). Last week, I suggested we go out one night - and she said we were doing so much that she just wanted to chill out at home for a change. I take this as a sign of success.
The R is alright these days. With both of us busy and engaged in life, that really helps the R. There's not as much ML as I would like (typical man!) but lots of cuddling in bed before sleeping, so I'm not really complaining. I haven't pursued R talks, suggested MC, or anything like that. As long as I keep on top of things and feel like it's all moving in the right direction - well, I'm using Time and Patience, as always!
D15 has been doing pretty well in the past week. Not stellar, but not Queen B!tch of the Universe either. She's getting fired up for the new school year starting and doing reasonable well on finishing up her summer assignments and stuff. One neat motivator for her is that she really wants to be the field commander for the marching band. She auditioned for the position this year, but didn't get it. Rather than see her give up, I talked her into attending "field commander training camp" anyways, and she is doing everything she can think of to demonstrate to her band teacher that she has "leadership qualities". It's been strange to hear her talk lately about other kids who have no "personal sense of motivation" - from the kid who has spent entire days this summer alternating between sleeping and watching cartoons! Maybe there is hope for her after all.
This weekend we leave for our "real" summer vacation (as opposed to spending a week at W's parents' home, which was more of an obligation than a Fun Time). We are going to Charleston, SC and renting a large condo at the beach. We're taking along a friend of D15's and a single (think matronly) friend of W's. That'll be an interesting new dynamic, as we have never tried the "vacationing with friends" deal before. There is a lot to do in Charleston and I think we'll have a great time. I am a little concerned that the 12-hour car ride there and back with a car full of yakking women may be more than I can handle tho!
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
