Matilda, This is such a difficult time for you. I'm not going to give any "keep your chin up" speeches on this post.
Your H is so lost and wounded at this time. His love for you is behind a thick, dark wall of clouds. I believe it is still there.
I believe there is still hope. Please take care of yourself, during this difficult phase. Keep your friendship alive with him. Cultivate your compassion for this wounded person. Let's hope that he can find love and happiness in his life.
Your love and compassion for him should never be lost, regardless of the status of your M.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Matilda, Perhaps for now it is keeping the spirit of friendship alive in you. Friends respect each other's space. It's not always about maintaining consistent contact. Let him come to you--he will.
This is one of your lessons at this time (detachment). Keep practicing. Don't be so quick to act on your emotions. Allow the muddy water to settle.
How's your self-help reading going? You picked-out some good books.
The "Prince of Tides" is a movie (and novel) about healing and rebirth. It's given me hope for my situation.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
CL is giving you some very good advise and i agree with him on this . I think you do need to take a step back breath and let him come to you. Right now he knows you are there when ever he wants you to be available to him it makes it easy for him. keep with your goals do things for you( like your goal with your decluttering) and with you DD and try to enjoy the peice and quiet from your sitch for a few days. JAK
Last edited by jak58; 05/10/0705:32 PM.
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
I have heard that we will always be good friends. The bad part of it is I am his best friend. He calls me about everything and tells me stuff he probably shouldn't. It is like he doesn't want me as a wife but his best friend because he will know that I will always be here. Is that the way it is with you? My H will call atleast 5 to 8 times a day. I will post on my thread what has gone on but I have been up late working. I just wanted to say hang in there you are doing great. Keep GAL.
I just wanted to give you some support...We will make it
Jak, Penny, Flip, CL, I'm taking one day at a time!
Saw H on Thursday. D16 and I had planned to take MIL out for dinner. D16 called her dad to see if he would pick her up from school and she told him our plans. He told her to tell me to call him. I realized later I just should have waited and let him call me. Anyway, he invited himself to dinner. We met at a place where he could drive up with the boat. Said he wanted his mom to see the boat. It was a bit strained, but I don't think his mom even noticed. She knows he is spending a lot of time on the boat....she thinks it's because it's his new toy.
Normally I would have called him or texted him saying thanks for coming. I did not. No messages from him either.
I believe yesterday was the first day I can actually say we had absolutely no contact. At this point I don't see clearly how this will cultivate a friendship....it just makes me sad and angry!!!! We have this new boat that was supposed to bring us together, beautiful weather, a weekend, and no communication.
On the Divorce Care tape it mentions you need one year for every four years of marriage to recover. YIKES! And I barely made it through one day! Hopefully it will get easier!
I realized later I just should have waited and let him call me.
Normally I would have called him or texted him saying thanks for coming. I did not. No messages from him either.
I believe yesterday was the first day I can actually say we had absolutely no contact. At this point I don't see clearly how this will cultivate a friendship....it just makes me sad and angry!!!!
Matilda, I know you hate this. I know you wish things were different. You would rather have connection than a strained R.
You are taking baby steps. Keep practicing.
Can you tell us what you're sad and angry about? Is it that you wish things were different? Is there more to it, that's feeding your emotions?
I think it's cultivating friendship because your actions respect his need for space. It's a form of validation via actions. Validation doesn't mean you agree with it or like it.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
